Fallout
by Riza Winters
Summary: About a year has passed since Reno dropped the Seventh Plate. Reno has healed from his physical injuries from the battle that day, but when he sees the devastation and fallout of what he did, something else much harder to heal breaks inside of him. M lang
1. Chapter 1

**Please note that the timeline and events of Final Fantasy VII have been altered for the purpose of this story, most noteably, Shinra and Midgar was not destroyed.**

* * *

><p>Cold, damp tile slid beneath trembling fingers, fast– far faster than they should and Reno only noticed his knees had buckled when they collided painfully with the bathroom floor. Suddenly the repeating pattern of white squares became an endless, dizzying spiral and he had no way to know what was up and what was down before his cheekbone struck tile. Then things were still again, his eyes focussed on the beads of moisture his breath formed on the polished floor before the creak of the door drew them over to equally polished and shiny black shoes.<p>

"Reno!" The familiar voice sounded so far away, and not a single muscle in his body seemed willing to move. Only when firm hands gripped his shoulders and rolled his slender body over did he see his partner's face. "Reno, what happened, what's wrong?" Rude called desperately, but Reno never answered, just shut his eyes and was out.

Reno woke next to violent jostling. He was pinned tight in muscled arms and heard Rude's laboured breathing, knew he must be rushing him somewhere but suddenly his limbs were back to life and he could think of only one thing.

"Rude stop!"

Rude did, looking down in shock, then seeing what his partner needed he set him on the ground. Reno spewed his guts, getting Rude's shiny black shoes and much of his pants as he didn't quite turn around in time. He heaved again and again on his hands and knees in the middle of the hallway, his vision blurred by tears and each retch followed by a pain-filled sob before a gasp and another heave.

Rude had called for help but didn't dare leave his partner alone. Just as Reno's arms gave out he caught him under the chest, keeping him upright and from face planting in his own mess while his body continued to convulse. His fingers dug into Rude's arms, conveying through this contact what he couldn't manage to say in his uninterrupted rhythm of gasp, retch, sob– that he was in pain.

"Hold on partner." Rude tried to remain steady but deeply disturbed by Reno's condition. Eventually Reno went completely limp in Rude's arms, no longer retching but gasping for breath and clutching his chest. He could barely breath.

Rude wasted no more time in hiking up his partner again and rushing him to Shinra's emergency facilities.

* * *

><p>Reno had lost consciousness when the doctors put the oxygen mask on him. He had failed to follow their instructions and took so many rapid, shallow breaths that he'd made himself pass out.<p>

Rude stood vigilantly at his bedside but the head doctor, Dr. Meyer, told him he had sedated Reno and was monitoring him closely and there was no point.

"But what's wrong with him?"

"I have yet to determine the exact cause but nothing serious."

"Nothing serious? He was barely breathing when I brought him here."

"Trust me, his vitals are good, come back in the morning."

Rude left reluctantly. Tseng and Elena were away and he hated to leave his partner alone but he supposed he wouldn't really be that far since he lived in the mansion. When he was gone, the doctor closed the door and turned to the chart in his hand.

Not long ago he'd patched Reno up from head to toe after he'd fought AVALANCHE one-on-three. His wounds had been serious and the recovery was long. Yet the boy had bounced back. But this was something different, something over which he had much less control. In the morning, he would confirm his suspicions.

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><p>Reno pulled slowly out of his sleep. His whole body was exhausted and it felt like a truck had hit him in the chest. He was alone except for the doctor.<p>

"Good morning."

"Yo, Doc." He rubbed his eyes and sat up. A few monitors were attached to him, and he looked to the doctor again. "I gotta pee."

"Go get yourself cleaned up, we can talk after."

"So I'm not sick?"

"You're healthy Reno, just go wash up."

Reno was confused and a little disturbed by this but pulled the cathodes from his skin and went to the washroom and did his best to sink bath away the sweat that still clung to his body. He saw a few stiches down the side of his face and remembered hitting the bathroom floor. But most of what happened was a blur. The pain in his chest and stomach though, was not about to let him forget entirely. When he came out of the bathroom, the doctor handed him his clothes and he changed before sitting on the edge of his bed again.

"So what, food poisoning?" Reno tried to aske lightly, but his voice edged with worry.

"No Reno, I'm afraid not."

"Then what?"

"Tell me, what were you doing yesterday morning?"

"What does this have to do with this?"

"Just answer the question, Reno."

"I was on a mission."

"Where?"

"In the slums. Shinra was looking for some lowlife so I was tracking him down."

"Did you find him?"

Reno seemed to have to scan his memory for this. "N-no."

"Why?"

"I...I was chasing him," he began replaying the events in his mind as if for the first time, "and then..." a dark look crossed his face and he snapped away from the thoughts violently. "He got away." he said bluntly.

"Reno, where were you chasing him?"

"I told you, the lower level."

"Which sector?"

"...six."

"That's what I thought. You haven't been to see the remains of Sector Seven since the day you dropped the plate have you?"

"...no."

"So tell me how the man got away."

"I...was chasing him. He escaped into the rubble..."

"And you didn't follow him?"

Reno's eyes flicked back and forth, struggling to put it together. "I don't remember. I don't think so. I just remember being back here, in the bathroom, then Rude coming in."

"I took the liberty of checking your mission file. You left on a cycle but returned on foot. You were gone for six hours but from the sounds of it you remember maximum two."

"Doc, what are you saying? What's wrong with me?"

"Reno, you suffered a severe panic attack yesterday."

"But I was sick, ask Rude, I got his shoes."

"Yes Reno, but you're completely healthy. Its your mind that's sick."

"My mind is fine."

"Then tell me Reno, how did it feel to see it? To see the remains of Sector Seven?"

The young man on the bed tensed. His head bowed and his knuckles turned white. "I had my orders..."

"But you never had to face what you did until yesterday."

Reno remained frozen as he was but even with his face hidden his sharp gasp signalled the damn breaking. His thin shoulders rose and fell with his sobs until the doctor approached him.

"I'll prescribe you some medication for the short term but you need to see the psychologist. I'll call her right away and set up the first appointment poss–"

"No!" The doctor's arm was caught in a vice grip and he met the fierce, watery eyes of the young Turk. "They'll kick me out. I can't be a Turk if I can't handle what comes with the job."

The doctor looked down on him sadly. "Reno, when has any other Turk had to deal with something of this magnitude? Shinra should never have asked this of you. They'll understand, I'm sure, you just need some time–"

"No, please." Reno begged. "Don't do this to me, Doc."

"I'm sorry Reno, as your doctor I have to."

Reno's head dropped for a second and he slowly released the doctor's wrist. "Then do me a favour. Just wait one day. Give me a chance to talk to Tseng when he get's back before he has to hear it second-hand."

The doctor sighed. "Fine."

* * *

><p>"Hey Partner." Reno heard Rude's relieved sigh on the other end of the phone.<p>

"Reno, you okay?"

"Yup."

"Need me to come down there and get you?"

"Nope man, I'm already back in my room but don't come visit, I'm contagious. Got the flu really bad but the Doc's got me on some good antibiotics so tell Tseng I'll be back to work soon."

"Alright, but if you need anything–"

"Yeah, I'll be sure to give Elena a call." He laughed and heard Rude's monosyllabic chuckle and hung up. As soon as his cell was back in his pocket he scooped up the papers on his desk and marched down to the clinic. He was at the end of his day of grace. Tseng would be back that evening but he'd taken measures to ensure the director would not be hearing about his supposed condition.

"Reno, how are you?" The doctor asked, but all he got for an answer was a folder shoved into his hand. He opened and then gasped, spilling the photos all over the floor.

"Those are your copies. If you don't want anyone else to see those pictures, then you won't say a word about my diagnosis, got it?"

"Where did you get these?"

"I'm a Turk, Doc, and we both work here, it wasn't that hard. So if you don't want your wife knowing how _friendly_ you've gotten with the very sexy Dr. Niles down in research, then you'll give me what I need to keep this under control without Tseng knowing.

Several emotions went through the doctor's face. First was anger, obviously, but Reno was surprised when it softened into sadness and what almost looked like sympathy even as he bent to pick up the embarrassing and potentially life-wrecking photos.

"Reno, you are sick and you need help. This will only get worse if it goes untreated. This right here just proves how bad it is." He shook the folder at Reno.

"No, it proves you were unfaithful."

"I know. And I struggle with that guilt everyday. Sometimes, it nearly tears me up, but what must it feel like to be responsible for the deaths of some many people– children, innocents, people from the slums where you grew up? How do you think you can manage to cope with that on your own?"

Reno tried not to react but slammed his fist into the exam table, letting the pain and vibrations course through his arm for a long time before turning back to the doctor.

"I'm sorry doc, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't lose the Turks, its all I've got."

"If I spoke to Tseng I'd make him understand you just need time."

"But they won't. They'll think I'm weak and that I have no business being a Turk."

He was on the verge of tears again but kept them back this time.

"You're wrong Reno."

"So what's you're decision?" Reno asked ignoring the doctor's last statement.

After a pain filled sigh, the doctor turned to his desk and pulled out Reno's chart. He emphatically tore up his report from today and handed Reno a bottle of pills.

"These are just a short term solution. Take one every six hours for now, and come see me in two days to let me know how they're working, sometimes the dose needs to be altered."

"Thank you." Reno said heading for the door.

"Reno..."

"Night, Doc."

* * *

><p>Reno sat alone in his room, eyeing the bottle of pills. He had yet to pop one. His mind raced and he didn't notice the way his knees shook. Tseng had called and said the doctor had just informed him of his condition and to take however many days he needed. He had wanted to say he'd be back tomorrow but he had to maintain his cover of having the flu. The pill bottle had become moist with the sweat of his palms. He had sat there for at least two hours going over things in his head, trying to convince himself that what had happened was just a one time thing. But every time he pictured the Plate he felt that pain in his chest and the air seemed dry and thin so finally he snapped open the lid and took a pill. It took less than an hour for his heart to slow down and his breaths come much easier.<p>

"Just for tonight." he said, falling back into his bed fully clothed. "Just this once."

* * *

><p>Reno failed however, in his declaration. The pills had brought such relief and he felt back to normal so quickly that he didn't want to risk slipping back into that other place. The doctor was still unhappy, but he could do nothing to stop the determined young Turk. Rude never suspected a thing when he showed up for work saying he was all healthy again and apologizing for ruining his partner's shoes.<p>

He was back to normal, he was happy, but it only lasted a short time.

As Reno had failed the first time to bring in his target, he was sent out just a few days after his return to search for him again. And again, his search brought him back to Sector Six.

This time he was able to stare up at the wreckage of the seventh plate without the shock and pain of last time. In fact, he wasn't even sure what had happened last time. But this time, when he found his target just on the edge of sector six and seven, he ran at him without hesitation into the devastation.

The chase wasn't so much long as it was simply exhausting in the climbing, ducking, dodging and crawling it took to get around all the obstacles and debris. By the time he came stumbling out into a small open space, he was filthy, his clothes drenched in sweat, mud, grime and oil. He stood, chest heaving and lungs burning in the putrid air but feeling the adrenaline and exhilaration of the chase coursing through him. His keen eyes searched for traces of his mark.

There. A footprint left in soft, black mud at the opening to another network of twisted metal. He took a deep breath, coughing at the stench and acid taste of the air before beginning to run again. But just as he was about to embark on the next maze of debris, a small voice caught his well trained ear.

"Mister."

His foot was already braced on a twisted I-beam, ready to launch his body after his prey but he froze seeing the dirty child, hair matted by blood or mud he couldn't tell, but the left arm definitely wounded by a long jagged cut that was long since infected. He would lose the limb for sure if he survived.

"H-hello." he said gently, removing his foot and taking one last glace at the darkness where his target had disappeared. He could come back for the child later, or call someone else to. But he had already lost his lead hadn't he? The target could be anywhere but this child was right here in front of him, eyes brimming with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Reno asked stupidly, seeing the frail state of the child.

"I couldn't find them." The boy whispered.

"Who?"

"My mom and dad and sister. I couldn't find them."

Something cold grew in the pit of Reno's stomach but he asked the question anyway.

"What do you mean? Where are they?"

The child turned and pointed with his one working arm at pile of metal and brick and shattered glass. "We lived there. But I couldn't find them. And now I'm lost. I can't get back out."

Reno inhaled sharply and the child looked to him.

"Mister, what's wrong? Did you lose your family too?"

Even the doctor's anti-anxiety meds couldn't counter this. The overwhelming panic may have remained at bay, but these tears could not. They streaked through the dried sweat and dirt on his face and he fell to his knees before the child.

"Mister?" the child repeated and instinctively reached out with his one arm to embrace Reno.

Nothing could have been more painful for Reno than that. He held onto the boy for dear life while his pain spilled out into his filthy shoulder. What would the boy say if he knew Reno had killed his family? How would he react when he knew he would lose his arm because of Reno? He probably cut it on the wreckage getting in here and then it got infected. How many days had he been trapped in this small cavity breathing in toxins, bleeding and starving and searching for his loved ones?

At some point Reno picked up the boy and began the difficult process of carrying him back through the wreckage. It took an hour being as careful as he was. The child cried in pain as his arm was jostled. By this time Reno had collected himself again but when he stepped back into breathable air he marched like a robot back to Shinra. He never noticed Tifa among the bustling crowds spot him, see the clear streaks in the grime on his face, see the bleeding child in his arms and the way his eyes were distant. He didn't see her face contort in anger before turning to confusion as she stood, not knowing what to do, and let the man who had murdered hundreds just walk away.

"Doc, please help him." Reno lay the now unconscious child on the medical table in the clinic and stepped back. The doctor had been startled by his sudden intrusion but upon seeing the child got to work immediately. He was talking to Reno, asking questions, but the Turk leaned back against the wall and slid to the ground. He needed to take the next dose of his pills but when he reached into his pocket all he saw was a coward's escape. He had done this, how could he just turn around and forget what he was feeling? It was a dishonour to all he had killed. He couldn't take it back but he could at least show them this respect.

"Reno." the doctor was kneeling before him, his clothes stained in blood from the child.

"Reno you have to take your next pill." He pried the bottle from Reno's finger and cracked it open. "Here," he held out one pill, "take it."

Reno shook his head.

"Reno come on, I don't have time, this boy needs surgery. What am I supposed to tell the bosses when they realize I'm operating on a street urchin? Where am I supposed to say he came from?"

Reno just shrugged, eyes glassy.

"Dammit, take your pill. I can't deal with you right now if you want me to save him."

"Please..." Reno breathed though his eyes never met the doctor's, "don't let him die."

"I'll try but he's losing that arm for sure." The doctor withdrew at that statement and rushed to get the boy to the better equipped facilities. He shut and locked the door behind him so no one would stumble in on Reno but the Turk never moved. The doctor's last words echoed through his head and he pictured the little boy, the blood, the arm so infected. He pictured the surgery, the bone cutter, the limb being torn from his body. His stomach lurched, yellow bile spewed out his mouth and his head hit the tile floor.

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><p><strong><em>So if you read "the descent of Reno, you'll probably recognize a similar theme in that I am dealing with Reno's psyche, but in a very different way in this story. Like I briefly stated above, I play pretty fast and lose with the original plot of FFVII in order to create the circumstances needed for this story. Character backgrounds are also slightly changed in some instances too. If you liked this chapter than you're in luck becuase I've written about 60 000 words on this and I'm not quite done yet so there is lots to look forward to! Thanks for reading!<em>**

**_Riza._**


	2. Chapter 2

"Reno..." the red head's eyes fluttered open. The light seemed extra bright and painful so he shut his eyes again.

"Who's there?" his voice was hoarse and his throat raw.

"Reno it's me, Rude, open your eyes."

"Hurts." He mumbled but his hand reached up to his head. He felt Rude grab his wrist to stop him.

"You hit your head pretty bad partner, don't touch."

Reno tried to remember and images of the boy, the doctor's office and the floor coming up to smack him all rushed through his memory. He opened his eyes suddenly and took in Rude's face.

"What's wrong?" Rude asked when he saw the panic there. Reno saw no sign in Rude, however, that he was aware of his true condition.

"Uhh...what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Reno shook his head.

"Well, according to the doctor, you stumbled in here with some kid in your arms and then collapsed yourself. Said you had a concussion, must be pretty bad if you don't even remember."

"Yeah..." Reno breathed, "I don't know what happened." His eyes strayed around the room and he saw he was in his own bed.

"The doctor said you were okay to be released since you live in the mansion and he can just come check on you later."

"Oh good..."

"Reno, you okay?"

"Yeah partner, just got a bad headache."

"Yeah, why don't you rest now, okay?"

Reno met Rude's eyes for a minute and was almost sure he saw his partner flinch. He wasn't sure what was reflecting back out of his own eyes but if it was a monochrome of what he felt inside it would make anyone want to turn away. He tried to give a reassuring smile but his eyes suddenly seemed very heavy and he was all to happy to let them close and shut out reality.

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><p>Reno woke violently at some point in the night. The room was dark, he could hardly see but his stomach told him it wasn't about to wait very long for him. He lurched off the bed, stumbling but shot to the bathroom, half hearing a startled voice call after him.<p>

He didn't manage to shut the door before falling onto the toilet and hurling out his guts. The heave shook his whole body and he felt the burn of acid all along his throat. He hadn't eaten in a while so all that came out was the sick, neon yellow bile that only became visible when Rude switched on the light behind him.

"Reno." his partner knelt next to him in concern, putting a hand on his trembling, naked shoulder. "Should I call the doctor?"

Reno couldn't stop the painful heaving to respond so Rude took that as his answer and pulled out his cell, phoning down to the clinic. After some time, Reno fell away from the toilet exhausted, letting Rude catch and hold him in his warm arms.

"You sick again or is it the concussion?" Rude asked, knowing well how a much a concussion could make you sick.

Reno tried to rasp out an answer past his swollen throat but couldn't and ended up weakly shrugging, eyes closed and completely limp against his partner.

"It's okay, Reno, the doc's coming anyway, he'll know."

Rude was a bit taken aback when the doctor ordered him to leave the room, mumbling something about patient confidentiality.

Reno lay unmoving in his bed where Rude had deposited him. The doctor sat on the edge and looked into his barely focussed eyes.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" He sighed. "You don't have a concussion, just enough of a bruise to convince them."

"What happened to the boy?" Reno asked, voice void of emotion.

"He's alive."

"Doc."

"I had to amputate. The boss is asking why you brought him back, but I passed it off with your head injury. You need to take your pills. Then you need to walk down to the psychologist and get help."

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can Reno, you just have to–"

The Turk sat up abruptly and staggered to the bathroom. At first the doctor thought he was going to be sick but instead the red head reached for the forgotten bottle on the floor.

"Good, I would suggest taking a double dose this time–" but when Reno cracked it open he held the bottle over the toilet and let the pills spill in. "Reno, what are you doing?"

"I can't do this." Reno repeated, hitting the flush and watching the white capsules disappear in the whirlpool. "I can't keep popping pills to block this off. This is what I deserve. I can't take back what I did but I can at least not turn my back on it."

"Reno, you need serious help."

"Get out."

"Reno, listen to me–"

"Leave it, Doc. Go."

Reno didn't get angry, but when he turned and met the doctor's eye, the other saw there was no point.

"Stay in bed. I'll check on you in a few hours." Reno said nothing just stood still while the doctor left. Rude entered after, surprised to see Reno standing.

"Were you sick again?" He asked, the toilet bowl still filling.

"Yeah." Reno said simply. "He just said I need to rest."

"Is it the flu again or your head?"

"My head. He says its all my head."

* * *

><p>It was raining. The streets were practically flooded, mud and sludge from the slums poured in thick streams down alleys and broken roadways. It was one of the worst rainstorms Midgar had ever known. Reno pulled his foot out of the viscous goop that had pooled around it while he'd been standing still and looked around himself.<p>

"Where am I?" he asked aloud. He was just becoming aware of how incredibly cold he was, his whole body shaking, soaked to the bone and his fingers and toes numb. The freezing cold water stung his face and eyes but he remained where he was still trying to figure out how he'd gotten here. Last thing he remembered was falling asleep in his own bed...

No. That wasn't right. He had fallen asleep but only for a few minutes. He'd woken as soon as Rude shut the door and then he'd gone to see the boy.

The boy had thanked him. The boy had cried about his arm. Reno had cried. And then he'd run. And then nothing. How long had he been standing here?

"You have a lot of nerve showing up down here. What are you doing? You've been there for hours."

Reno slowly turned to the voice. It was hard to hear let alone see in the torrential downpour but there was no one else on the streets in this weather.

Cloud Strife. It hadn't taken long for the rain to soak through his clothes either, his modified soldier gear hanging heavily on his frame. Reno didn't move as he approached. The last time he'd seen the blond they'd been trying to kill each other but he didn't resist even when a gloved hand wrapped into the soggy fabric of his collar and pushed him into the cement wall behind him.

"I said, what are you up to?" Reno just stared back at him and Cloud took it for defiance. He shook him hard, Reno's head struck the cement unforgivingly but still he couldn't find the words. The mere presence of Cloud was making him shut down again. Bringing back those terrible memories.

"This isn't how I normally operate, but last time I didn't kill you all those people died! You tell me what the Hell you're doing or I swear I'll kill you."

"Do it." Again, in the thundering rain, in his rage and apprehension, Cloud mistook Reno's despair for Turk cockiness and ploughed his fist into his face. He kept going, throwing Reno into the sludge trough that was supposed to be a street. He didn't let him crawl away. One punch, two, four, ten, then Reno fell back against the same wall where he was flung and Cloud finally stopped to breath, watching the Turk slide down the cement until he was seated. Blood poured down his chin from his nose, his mouth, his cheeks. He held his stomach painfully but none of this seemed to be what was registering with Reno. His head leaned to one side, staring in the direction of the Seventh Sector, though it was no where near visible from here.

Cloud came up to him again but this time he was more calm. He stood over Reno, waiting for something, an explanation, anything but when the Turk finally did turn back to him, his shoulders began to shake and Cloud could just make out the sound of his desperate sobs. There was no way to see the tears among the onslaught of rain but the swordsman could see them in every way that counted. He knelt before his enemy and forced his head back, forced him to make eye contact.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know." Reno gasped. "I don't know how I got here."

"You've just been standing there. I spotted you four hours ago, I was sure you were up to something but..."

"Why didn't you kill me?"

"I wasn't going to kill you, I just wanted to know what you were up to."

"No. I mean that day. Why didn't you kill me? Why did I have to win..." his sobbing subsided but the hand that had been on his stomach raised to his chest, fisting into the translucent white shirt now stained with mud and blood. "Oh God, why?" He choked. Cloud sat watching him, stunned. "WHY!" Reno banged his head back against the concrete and his whole body convulsed before new sobs wracked him so acutely he couldn't talk any more, he even seemed struggling to breath.

"Reno." Cloud spoke too softly to be heard but his breath had been stolen as well. A lot had happened to him since the plate dropped, he'd just gotten his own life back together and he should hate the Turk before him but instead he felt horribly torn inside.

He had never thought of the Turks as even having consciences, let alone a mental break down over carrying out orders. He'd only pictured the moment he would face off with Reno and the Turks again and they would be as cold hearted and evil as ever. He had forgotten they were people, they were mercenaries, and though he could never excuse, never forgive Reno for what he'd done, the man had been carrying out orders. He hadn't considered his actions until it was too late. He wasn't a monster, he was human, and Cloud had just beat him up while he couldn't even defend himself. He sighed when Reno when limp, having hyperventilated too much or succumbed to the several blows to his head he didn't know, but he knew if he left him lying here in the street he would be no better than the people he hated.

Leaning forward, he pulled Reno against him and stood, and made the trek through the deserted, drenched streets with his enemy in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Let me know what you think so far, thanks!<em>**

**_Riza._**


	3. Chapter 3

Tifa stared down at the sickly figure in Cloud's bed. The clatter and bustle of the crowd of people in the tavern below echoed through the thin floor boards. This was no 7th Heaven, but it was enough for her and Cloud to get by and a place where old friends could congregate. Or for patching up Turks Cloud drug home in the rain.

But she wasn't angry. Tifa had seen Reno that day, and though initially she'd been shocked to see him again, she knew something was not right with him. Unlike Cloud, her dark eyes could see a lot deeper a lot quicker. She knew what Reno had done had broken him as much if not more than it had broken the members of Avalanche.

"It took you long enough to realize he wasn't fighting back." Tifa sighed, wringing out a cloth from the bucket next to the bed and beginning to wipe away the blood from Reno's face. Cloud had stripped him out of his wet clothes and got him settled in bed but it was Tifa who was most skilled at these types of things. When her friend didn't respond she looked over her shoulder at him. He was still drenched and shaking, but she couldn't tell if it was from the cold or if it was something else.

"Cloud?"

"I was angry, I didn't realize he wasn't right."

"You didn't realize something was wrong after spying on him while he didn't move for _four hours_?"

"Like I said, I was angry. I never thought..." He stopped talking and watched her wash clean Reno's very pale but very swollen face.

"That he had feelings too?" Tifa finished gently. "Neither did I, not until I saw him the other day on the street."

"You should have told me."

"You don't need to worry about anything else." She said sternly but he shook his head.

"I'm better now, you made sure of it."

"Well you won't be if you keep standing there in those wet clothes. Go clean up and get warm."

"What about him? You think he'll be alright?"

"Physically, I'm almost sure he'll recover. But what you described makes me think those are the least of his concerns."

Cloud just nodded and left to clean up.

Later they sat in the tavern. They both worked for a while, cleaning up and serving drinks, but most people were just taking shelter and now they sat thinking about the young man one story above them, their friends, that terrible day. Tifa kept glancing at Cloud worriedly. She'd just gotten him back together after what happened to him in the lifestream. It had been the most difficult thing she'd ever done, and she was not about to let anything take away from his progress, but he seemed more confident now. He had decided to help the Turk and with that came a purpose, something on which to focus rather than the past.

"If it hadn't been him, it would have been someone else." Tifa reasoned. "It's Shinra who deserves our anger."

"And they have it. But Reno is right, I should have stopped him that day. I should have been stronger."

"It was no one's fault but Shinra's. Reno shouldn't have done it, but he knows that now. No point dwelling on it now that we've decided to help him."

"We could drop him off at their mansion."

"No. He left there for a reason, even if he doesn't know it. He blames himself but he also knows who gave him the orders. They would either throw him out, or make him into the cold hearted killer they think he should be."

"Hmm." Cloud finished his drink and began wiping down the bar. The rain had not let up. He made an announcement that they'd be staying open until the storm passed and there was a thankful sigh from the crowd. Just being among so many people had warmed up Cloud again and Tifa smiled at him. They were making a life for themselves again, it was good, he was happy, and he carried this contentedness up the stairs with him when he went in to check on their new lodger.

Reno didn't wake for more than thirty hours. He was sick with a high fever from being in the rain for so long and from the toll his wounds had taken on his immune system. Cloud had been pretty rough and Tifa had determined a few ribs had been cracked. The bruising and swelling on his face went down over the next few days while he was bedridden. He wasn't awake much of the time, just long enough to drink a little water, or soup, then puke it back up, shiver and faint again.

Tifa remained optimistic he would survive but mostly for the sake of Cloud who she caught pacing behind her more than once or chewing the side of his thumb while he watched her check Reno's temperature or breathing.

"He just needs to ride it out, he'll be alright." But at night, Cloud felt her slip off their now shared bed and go to his room to stare at Reno.

Still, afer a few days, the fever broke and Reno finally came out of his delirium. His skin was deathly pale, his eyes ringed by black circles and his whole body trembled weakly but they managed to get him sitting up, and down a few spoonfuls of soup. He was still a little dazed but when his food settled he started to take in his situation.

"I don't understand." he stated simply, helplessly, when he had scanned every inch of the room and finally stopped to stare at Tifa.

"You're in my Tavern." she said. "You're safe."

His eyes shifted to Cloud and suddenly he remembered their fight– or rather the beating– and he flinched reflexively.

"It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Cloud said to the frightened Turk who remained tensed.

"You're safe." Tifa reassured in her more soothing voice. Reno relaxed a little.

"Why are you doing this?" Reno asked finally.

"We couldn't just leave you out there like that." Tifa said, now taking over entirely for Cloud.

"But why not? Why wouldn't you want me dead?"

A pained expression crossed her features but she smiled quickly. "Because we're all people and people have to take care of each other. Cloud told me about how you were behaving, and I saw you with that boy. I think you need help Reno."

For a long moment there was silence while Reno processed what she'd said. His frail fingers knotted in the sheets unconsciously and a single tear rolled from his eye.

"Reno." She reached out and at first he stiffened in her touch, then relaxed. After a few more seconds it all came bursting out of him. She held him tight, he was so exhausted that it didn't take long from him to wear himself out and fall asleep again. Tifa lay him back down in the bed and looked to Cloud. They didn't need to say it out loud. They both knew they'd made the right decision, that Reno truly was remorseful and that he desperately needed their help.

* * *

><p>"<em>Reno! Reno stay with us!" Rude's voice shouted just inches from his ear but it sounded distant in the thunderous explosion of the plate dropping and the rhythmic beat of the chopper. But he felt his body lurch and Rude's hands close tighter around his broken form.<em>

"_Is that blood?" Elena's voice shrieked and he coughed again, tasting the coppery tang of warm liquid running along his tongue. Her soft fingers touched his forehead and he tried to imagine her actually looking concerned for him but he couldn't muster the energy to open his eyes._

"_Hang on." she pleaded, Rude echoing her sentiment. There was one, final, tremendous boom, the helicopter pitched and they all rolled back and then Reno heard nothing more._

Reno sat bolt upright in his bed, still feeling the shockwave and hearing the sonic boom. He winced in pain and teetered on the edge of the bed but slender arms caught him and pushed him back to the centre of the bed.

"Reno!" Tifa cried in shock. "Oh Gaia, I can't believe you're awake."

Her words took a while to register with him as he was still putting together where he was, fragmented memories falling back into place. Finally, he turned to her.

"What– what do you mean?"

"You've been out for days."

"Wh-what? I can't have been."

"You were." A second voice joined them and he looked past her to see Cloud entering. He had a book in hand and dropped it heavily on his desk.

"Cloud, you're back." Tifa slowly withdrew from the bed, making sure Reno wasn't about to fall again and turned to her friend. "Did you find something?"

"Yeah, a medical book. It's called Catatonia."

"What is?" Reno asked, feeling left out of the conversation and very bewildered.

Cloud stepped forward and looked down at Reno seriously. "You've been laying in that bed for four days, just staring at the wall."

"No I haven't."

"Yes, you have. Another day and I would have had no choice but to call a doctor or take you back to Shinra myself."

Both Tifa nd Cloud watched the slight reaction in Reno's body at the mention of the place of his employment but for the moment, they ignored it.

"I found this book and it described a condition called Catatonia. Now what they describe is long term whereas you were only out for a few days but it sounds similar."

"Well, what causes it?" Reno demanded, a bit panicked now.

"Severe mental trauma." Cloud's words rolled over Reno and his eyes immediately dropped to the bed spread.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's just like that day I found you in the rain. You'd been there for hours, not moving. You need to deal with this Reno."

"Fine." Tifa and Cloud exchanged looks at the simplicity and determination of the statement. Then suddenly, Reno was whipping back the blankets and on his feet.

"Reno what are you doing?" Tifa exclaimed.

"You two have already done enough for me. I'm leaving before I cause you anymore trouble."

But his first step failed him and he found himself resting against Cloud's chest.

"Idiot." Cloud mumbled, lowering him back to the bed. "You still haven't recovered from you wounds or your sickness and on top of that you haven't eaten in days."

"I don't care. Just let me leave."

"And where will you go? Back to Shinra?"

Reno was sitting on the bed with his knees up and at the second mention of Shinra shied his face to one side and rested his temple on his knee, hiding his face from them.

After a few moments when his didn't respond, Tifa spoke up more gently. "Reno, do you want to go back to Shinra?"

He just shrugged.

"Reno." Cloud said a little more forcefully.

"I want to go back to the Turks." He said to the wall. "But they'll never take me if they know I'm like this."

"Then why the Hell would you want to go back to people who'll reject you for being human?" Cloud didn't hide his anger and Tifa expected the red head to shut down conversation at this but instead he whipped around to face Cloud.

"Because they're my family! They're all I have."

An uncomfortable silence fell. There was no doubting Cloud's hate of anything associated with Shinra, including the Turks, but he also valued family and friends above all else. He stared back at the Turk who's eyes actually blazed with fury at the moment and just nodded, but Tifa spoke.

"Then if they are you're family, they'll take you back no matter what. They'll help you."

Reno's menace faded at this and he faced her now, eyes sad and vulnerable again. "You have to be strong to be a Turk. I want to be strong and be with them again. If I went back like this and they kicked me out, then I would have nothing. So I can't see them like this. I can't risk finding out that the people I consider my family really...aren't."

"Coward."

"CLOUD!" But the blonde just left the room without another word and Reno turned back to his sheets. Tifa sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"They must be worried about you."

Reno didn't answer, but his fists closed a bit tighter in the sheets.

"Reno, do you think you could be a Turk again?"

"What do you mean?" He asked softly, still not looking at her.

"I mean, what the Turks do, could you go back to that?"

"You mean the Plate, and fighting Avalanche. It's not what I thought I'd be doing when I signed on. But the Turks could do anything, a lot of what we do is good. We've stopped a lot of bad people."

"And good people too."

He nodded. "Yeah, a lot of them."

"What do you think would happen if you went back to them?"

"You mean if they didn't kick me out?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, I'd start working again."

"Yes, but Reno, don't you think they might make you forget all this, forget that you want to help and not hurt? I mean, how long have you been with them? How old were you when they took you in?"

Reno met her eyes at this. She looked to be about his age, but her eyes were less hard, and in that way, younger. He know he must have been one of the youngest people ever to join the Turks. Now, thinking it over, he realized he'd spent more than a third of his life with them.

"When I was sixteen." He said mostly to himself. It seemed so long ago now, he had changed so much.

"No wonder they are like your family."

"Not like, _are._ They are the only family I've ever had."

"Then love them, but don't stop thinking for yourself if you go back to them."

"I can't go back, not yet."

"Then tell me, Reno, if you weren't going to go back to them, where were you going to go? Stay with us, okay? At least until you're better and you can make a clear decision."

His shoulders sagged a bit in resignation.

"Okay, thanks."

She smiled and rose but the door opened again. Both were surprised to see Cloud reentering with a tray of food after his scathing exit.

"Eat up, you need your strength." He said passing the tray off to Reno and walking out again. After her shock faded, Tifa smiled back to Reno.

"See, Cloud agrees."

* * *

><p>A leather gloved fist slammed into the wall for about the third time before slender but firm fingers wrapped around the wrist to stop a fourth impact.<p>

"Rude calm down." Elena intoned, resting her other hand on his shoulder to try to coax him into relaxing. "We'll find him."

Broad shoulders finally relaxed, Rude let his hand drop, flexing his bruised knuckles.

"Its been over a week, Elena. He walked out those doors on his own and disappeared. Why?"

Once they had discovered him missing, the Turks had scoured the footage of the mansion's surveillance cameras. Only the hallways had them, but they'd watched Reno stumble from his room to the medical ward, then from there out a side door. But it was clear from the tape he was not in the right state of mind.

"Rude, we've been over this. He had a concussion, he probably didn't know what he was doing."

"Then why hasn't he come back?"

Elena bit her lip. There were too many dark possibilities to pick from. "He could be hurt..."

"There was a massive rainstorm the day he left. He could have passed out and his body gotten swept away in all that mud and water. We'd never find him."

Elena lowered her hand from his shoulder and stepped back. She, of course, had already thought of that, but hearing it out loud hurt. Rude sighed and backed away from the wall to face her. This time, he gripped her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Elena, I'm being selfish, I didn't mean it." She didn't meet his eyes, only nodded.

"Elena..." but she couldn't help it, she and Rude and Tseng had hardly slept in the last week as they searched for their friend. Until now they'd all kept it together but watching Rude crack had pushed her over the edge. Her shoulders trembled and then the sobs came and Rude closed his arms around her.

"Shhh, Elena, I'm sorry. He's my partner, I'd know if he really was...gone. He can't be, I mean, it's Reno, right? He's too stubborn to die."

She choked out a half-laugh among the tears, "yeah." He kept holding onto her, trying to convince himself of his words, but the office door opened and both pulled back, snapping to attention.

"Oh, sorry." It was not Rufus or Tseng, but Dr. Meyer. "I didn't mean to interrupt," but he continued to stand there, unsure of himself and his eyes trailing over the stray tears running down Elena's cheeks.

"What is it, Doc?" Rude finally asked.

"Ah, yes, well..."

Elena's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Tell us."

"I...have something I need to tell you concerning Reno."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hope you enjoyed, lots more to come!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	4. Chapter 4

Tifa opened the shutters to let the light flood the tavern and allow her to see all the sticky patches and stains from the night before. The early morning rays revealed every dirty patch and she began her morning's work to prepare for another busy night. She was bone tired every evening when she flopped down in bed– though now that she shared it with her best friend she guessed that was probably for the best since she fell asleep before anything awkward might happen.

Taking care of Reno had filled the little free time she had left. The only benefit to things was that she and Cloud were in no way hurting for cash. Not to say they were rich, but by working as hard as they did and only hiring one or two others when Cloud was away, they had been able to save most of their profits. The city was hurting– everyone was after the fall of sector seven– but after she'd helped Cloud get his life back he'd vowed to do the same for her and half built this place himself out of the wreckage of some other building. And even in desperate times, people were always able to set aside a few coins for a drink– and maybe even a tip for the beautiful barmaid.

Tifa scrubbed away at a particularly stubborn spot on one of the long bench tables. She heard the bell and glanced over to see Cloud come in. He obediently wiped his muddy boots off on the matt, the habit ingrained after several scoldings.

"Cloud, where have you been? You left before dawn."

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's not my point."

He sighed and went up to the bar to grab another cloth and begin washing off table tops as well.

"I was out gathering some information."

"More medical texts?"

"No, more about the Turks."

"Oh."

"They're looking for Reno."

"Well, that's to be expected."

"No, I mean, _really_ looking. They've been scouring the lower sectors."

"Are they causing trouble?"

Cloud shook his head. "They're trying to be discreet and not look panicked, wouldn't do any good for their image as Turks if they got all frantic over one man. But if you ask enough people, it's pretty easy to get the picture. They've just been asking a few questions, passing off a few bribes to get eyes down here– not that many will take it after what they did. But people are desperate, and as it seems, so are they."

"Well, what do you think?"

"That's what I was going to ask you. They are obviously concerned about him."

"Are they?"

Cloud raised an eyebrow but didn't argue. Tifa understood people a lot better than him. There was no mistaking he'd lost touch with humanity a long time ago.

"Reno told me he was only sixteen when he joined them. I know you and Zack were young too, but think about it. You spend nearly ten years training and honing and _owning_ someone, you don't just want to let them slip away. Reno's pretty high up in Turk chain of command, isn't he? I'm not saying they don't care, but I think its equally possible that he's just an investment they don't want to lose."

"But he _is_ one of them."

"Cloud, you brought him here for a reason. You felt something for him that day you beat him up."

Cloud set his cloth down and sat on the bench of the table he'd just been cleaning. Tifa watched him but waited, knowing that sometimes holding the silence was the only way to get him to talk.

"Yeah, I felt guilty. I'd played that fight over and over again in my mind so many times that when the time came I ignored reality to play out a fantasy and I ended up nearly killing someone who wasn't even fighting back."

Now Tifa dropped her cloth and came over to sit opposite Cloud. She slid her hands across the uneven wood surface to grip his wrists.

"Don't do that to yourself, Cloud."

"Sometimes I just feel blind. I wish I could see things more clearly on my own. But you can. I need you in order to see properly."

She smiled, almost blushing, knowing he wasn't trying to sound romantic or cheesy but genuinely feeling lost.

"Cloud, you're vision is fine. You don't see things wrong, you see them differently. You saw Reno and you helped him, that's what matters.

"But now what? Now I'm more confused than ever. I just wanted to hate him. But he isn't who I fought before. He isn't who I had imagined I would someday face again. He's a lost child. He's sick. And now the Turks are searching for him and I don't know what to do."

"He left there, Cloud. He might love them, but because of the Turks he had to do the worst thing imaginable. It broke him and he ran. I don't think he blames them though, at least, not on the surface. But if we take him back there, we might be taking away his one chance to regain his humanity."

Cloud sighed and nodded, lowering his head. Tifa withdrew her hands.

"You know, they saved us once. Zack and I. I was always confused about them because sometimes they were on our side and sometimes they were the ones chasing us. And sometimes they were chasing us but they were the only ones not trying to kill us. But I always had Zack to tell me what to do. He knew better than me, so I just did what he said."

"And Reno's always had Tseng to tell him what to do."

Cloud's head whipped up at once and Tifa immediately saw she should not have made the comparison. Zack was a painful subject that Cloud rarely brought up, and she should have known better than to push him. But Cloud's hostility faded quickly as he looked into her dark eyes. He knew she was only trying to give him the perspective he lacked.

"So we hide him?" He asked finally.

"Let's just not...advertise his presence here. When he's feeling better, he can decide."

"What if they come here?"

"They'll take one look at you and run is what." She laughed but he wasn't so sure. Still, there was no point worrying about it. He stood up and continued washing the table and after a moment, Tifa did too.

* * *

><p>It was a week before the Turks made their appearance in the tavern. It was a woman, Tifa didn't know her. She was small and blond and pretty and got lots of looks from the men but most recognized her to be from the upper plate by her dress and just a few recognized her as a Turk. She wasn't dressed in their uniform exactly, but she still looked far to clean and professional to be from down here. Tifa wouldn't have said the woman was trying to go undercover, but no doubt when she spotted the tavern, she'd decided the best way to play it would not be in full Turk garb.<p>

Cloud was in the back, restocking, and Tifa took a second to run back and inform him to stay where he was. Tifa may not recognize this Turk, but any Turk was sure to recognize Cloud. She would just hoped that she herself did not have a profile.

Nothing much came of the Turk's presence. Like Cloud had said, she just waded through the crowd and asked questions, even flashed a few smiles and passed on her number to a couple of male patrons who didn't know they were being played. Tifa learned the woman's name was Elena, but nothing more.

Eventually, she left, the evening went undisturbed and Cloud and Tifa guessed that they were in the clear.

* * *

><p>"Elena was here?" Reno asked, getting dressed in a plain white t-shirt Cloud had scrounged for him and a pair of black pants. He was eyeing himself over in the mirror, checking on the last of his bruises while Cloud leaned in the doorway of his room, explaining what had happened the night before. He tried not to feel guilty staring at the frail form before him. Reno had lost a significant amount of weight while he was sick and recovering. His ribs poked through where visible but were still tightly wrapped with white bandages. Tifa had been undecided whether some had been cracked or broken but Reno was so frail at the moment that she'd decided not to take the chance. But when Reno pulled down his shirt and faced Cloud, his cheeks several shades of yellow from fading bruises, one would never have known how weak Reno was or how unstable his mind had been of late. He was more lively than he had been in two weeks and it was the longest he'd been on his feet in that whole time. He faced Cloud to hear the rest of his story, but there wasn't much to tell. Cloud explained Elena's brief visit and departure.<p>

"That was it really, not much to tell." He concluded.

"Oh. Well, they won't be back here then."

"No?"

"They're canvassing." Reno explained. "When we have a target that could be anywhere in a large geographical and highly populated area, we have to canvas: check as many places as possible in a short period of time in an attempt to catch them before they move on. They'll have a big list and now this place will be scratched off, no one wants to waste time double checking. Not unless they finish the canvas and still have nothing, then they'll either move on to another location or start over only going in more depth on the second round, starting with the most likely locations identified in the initial canvas."

"I see, so they will be back, then."

"I doubt it. I'm sure Rufus will only indulge them for so long before he orders them back to Shinra business. That's why Tseng is probably pushing them to move so fast– because he knows how short Rufus's patience is."

"So...you aren't going to contact them."

Reno sighed. "I don't know what to do. I guess I'm happy they care enough to look for me."

Cloud couldn't help remembering both Reno's declaration that the Turks were his family and Tifa's warning that they may only see him as an asset. But of course, he remained silent.

"But I really want to sort this out before I go back to them." Reno added.

"Do you really think you can get over it just like that?"

"I don't know, Tifa said maybe I just need a break and I hope she's right. But she also keeps asking me if I could do what Turks do again. In any case, I want to be healthy before I talk to any of them again."

"Then you'll be sticking around here, I take it."

"If it's alright."

"Tifa said it was fine so it's alright with me."

"Good, then I have one condition."

"A condition?" Cloud eyed him.

"Yeah. Let me help out around here, earn my keep."

"Oh, well, Tifa has been working really hard, but I don't know if you should be downstairs where people can see you."

"I'll do the day stuff while the place is closed, like cleaning and all that."

Cloud shrugged, "Talk to Tifa, she's the boss."

* * *

><p>Tifa was practically beaming to see Reno working. Not because it meant she could finally take a break, but because this moment was the product of all her hard work. She'd been taking care of Reno and running the tavern and now he was back on his feet and she had a new employee. Reno had already refused to take wages, but instead work for his keep. It was fair. She had instructed him on her morning routine so that she could avoid getting up at the crack of dawn after spending every night serving customers until well into the early hours. A full night's sleep was something she hadn't experienced in a very long time.<p>

It took Reno about twice as long as it would her or Cloud to do the chores, but he was still pretty weak. Still, it got done and he felt better for helping out, if not exhausted.

Quickly, a new, healthier routine began in the new "Seventh Heaven." Tifa and Cloud ran the afternoon and evenings, Reno dealt with the mess in the morning while they– or at least Tifa got some actual rest. Cloud still rose early to disappear, and did so even more now that Reno was on his feet. Tifa explained that it was just his nature. He was restless. She didn't even know for sure what he was doing all the time. He had started to do a few deliveries for some people, was even considering making a business out of it soon, but mostly she guessed he was checking out what was going on, keeping tabs on friends and enemies alike. Most of Avalanche had managed to settle down into their own lives, but the warrior in Cloud never let him feel that comfort or ease. He was always awaiting the next sign of trouble.

But even Cloud seemed a bit relaxed by the new system. They stopped thinking about the Turks and the future and just let each day come as it would. Reno seemed to operate best this way and didn't show any further signs of breakdown for the time being. Tifa guessed it was because he was busy and had a schedule and normalcy. No violence. No threats. Just a comfortable routine.

And Tifa found things much less lonely. She loved Cloud, he was her oldest, closest friend, but he was often silent when he was around, or busy, or gone. But Reno was constant, and, when he was feeling well, funny.

He told her stories of life before the Turks, or pranks he'd pulled on Rude, and she told him a select few stories about Cloud as a child that never ceased to both amaze him and make him fall down laughing trying to reconcile childish stories with the stoic warrior.

When Tifa was sure it wouldn't push him into some kind of state, she asked him a question that had been nagging her for quite some time.

"So, why did you join the Turks?"

Reno immediately began to laugh.

Tifa was put off. "What?"

"Well, it's not exactly a _why_, more of a _how_. How did a little slum kid get in with them when I barely even knew what or who they were."

"And?"

"I nearly got killed by them. I wasn't all that informed on what was going on, you know, and I saw this stuck up blond kid taking a tour down in the slums. There was no doubt he was from the plate, you know the type, the ones who just want to see what it's like down here so they can go back to their friends and act all cool for being so brave to come down below. Tch. Anyway, he was about my age, I didn't see his body guards. I just wanted to give him a little scare. I didn't know it was Rufus Shinra out touring his empire with a squad of Turks fanning the whole area but giving him enough space to feel like he was on his own and being a big man. He had a big ass watch on, practically waving it around in our faces. All I was going to do was nab it and teach him a lesson."

"I bet that went over really well." Tifa smiled.

"Oh yeah, excellent. I got it from him alright, but he was trained to fight. I'd never been trained– but you know how it is, just got to watch your back down here, everyone can defend themselves. He actually tried to fight me on his own. I managed to break his nose before the Turks got to me. I'd never been attacked by so many people at once, and so trained, and I knew I had to get out of there. It was kind of a blur but I do remember landing a good punch on Tseng's face." He laughed. "I did manage to slip away, problem was, Turks don't just let you get away. But I didn't know that at the time. I still had the watch too. I made it a couple miles before a bolas wrapped around my legs and I face planted."

"So, what, they arrested you and then gave you a job?"

"Not quite. I didn't have time to untie my legs so I guess they were a little surprised when I still fought back. I managed to take down the guy who threw the bolas and another one before I got EMRed. Broke my arm in three places and then shocked me."Reno held up his left arm, showing three fine scars, no doubt from surgery to reset the bones.

"Not much fun." He continued. "I don't know if they were going to kill me or arrest me, but then Tseng arrived with Rufus and intervened. He untied me and took the watch back and I expected them to just leave me lying there but they took me back and fixed my arm. I don't know if Rufus told them to or if it was Tseng. I think it was the director, but I never did ask. Anyway, I didn't know what was going on, I saw the sun for the first time and the inside of the Shinra Mansion all in one day. Then Tseng said that though I was clearly untrained, he thought I had potential. He asked me if I had a family or any ties and I told him no. So he made me an offer. I couldn't believe it. I'd nearly been killed and then given the opportunity of a life time by the same people in the same day. So I took the job."

"And Tseng became like a mentor to you."

"Ha! I'm pretty sure he hated me! I think I drove him crazy but he couldn't argue with results so he kept me around. I guess that much hasn't changed."

"What about Rude?"

"He had been part of the Turks before me, but he hadn't worked in Tseng's personal team until they got me. I guess Tseng got tired of supervising me himself so he 'partnered' us up. He must have rubbed off on me some because I got promoted only a couple years later but he's always been my partner no matter what."

"Yeah, Cloud said you were the second in command of the Turks."

"Cause I get things done." Reno said bluntly, as if quoting a line he'd heard someone else say many times before. She didn't push.

"Do you miss them?"

"Yeah. Rude most, I guess. I tease him a lot but he's always got my back. Chain of command doesn't mean anything between us, he's always just been my partner. I wish I could talk to him, but he's a Turk too, and I don't want to make him chose between my secrets and his loyalty to them."

"Hmm. What about the girl that came in here a few weeks ago, Elena? Is she part of your team?"

"Yeah, she joined a few years ago, she was pretty young too, but she doesn't talk about her past. The Turks are her family too, all she focusses on. Not much of a sense of humour, that one, but she's efficient, Tseng liked her right away. The two of them work well together, they're actually kind of alike. Man, now that I think about it, with out me, they must be pretty bored."

He tried to smile, picturing the three serious members of his team but it just turned into a quiet frown.

"They sound like good people." Tifa offered finally. Reno nodded thankfully, knowing she had every reason to hate them. But he had learned this woman had an open heart, and because of it, Cloud had learned to have one too. It was getting on in the afternoon, Reno usually headed upstairs around now to avoid being seen but it had been a while, and like he'd suspected, the Turks had backed off after their initial canvass had turned up zilch. He looked at the stairs, not wanting to return to his solitude just yet and lay to listen to the many voices down below.

"Hey Tifa, do you think I could help out in the bar tonight?"

"Huh, you aren't worried about being seen?"

Reno shrugged, he didn't want to say out loud that his friends had given up on him or that he was just lonely. But Cloud had strolled in unannounced and spoke up.

"Its been a month, he can't stay hidden up there for ever. It's up to you if you want to take the risk, Reno. There is no reason for anyone down here to recognize you as the missing Turk."

_Or the Turk that dropped a plate on their friends or families_. Reno thought to himself and suddenly felt very guilty, imagining himself mingling with them and pretending to be one of them. His stomach churned and both Cloud and Tifa could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Actually, maybe I shouldn't." he said hastily and headed for the stairs.

"Wait Reno, what's wrong?" Tifa called, but he was already halfway up the stairs and either didn't hear or pretended not to. "I should go up after him."

"I can." Cloud said. "I need to change before the customers come anyway."

He went up the stairs to his room. It was his again now. They had emptied a storage room they'd had upstairs and moved a in couch from the bar lounge. Tifa had been relieved to get rid of it since she struggled to clean the beer stains out of it after every night. Reno was perfectly happy with his pint sized room, it made him feel like less of an intruder in their lives by having a space to call his own.

Cloud quickly changed from his dusty biking clothes to fresh ones for the evening before weaving his way through the boxes that had been in storage and now lined the hallway down to Reno's room. The former Turk was flopped on his couch staring at the ceiling.

"What was that all about?" Cloud asked. It took a long time for Reno's eyes' to trail their way down from the height of the ceiling to Cloud's face– a bad sign as Cloud knew this meant he was lost deep in memories.

"Huh?"

"I asked you what happened downstairs just now?"

"Oh, I don't know, I guess I'm just tired."

"Reno, don't lie."

"Sorry, Cloud."

"Why don't you come down for a bit?"

"I don't want to."

"You would rather lay here and stare at the ceiling?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to face them."

Reno eyed him, then shut his eyes. "Yes."

"You'll have to some day."

"Well, not today."

"Fine." Cloud left and shut the door behind him.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I didn't realize how much this story focusses on thoughts and feelings until I started editing it, lol. Hope this wasn't too boring. There is more 'touchy feely' coming but also more drama and action! Hope you like, please review,<em>**

**_Riza._**


	5. Chapter 5

_There was buzzing and whirring and hands all over him. He felt so cold, and they kept ripping his clothes off of him but he couldn't manage to tell them to stop, even opening his eyes was like conquering the impossible. When his lids did part by just a centimetre or so, he felt blinded. The white lights of the emergency room seared into his eyes. He could see little past them for a long moment. Then he heard his partner's voice and tried harder to keep them open._

"_Stay with us, Reno."_

"_Sir, we need you to backup, we need room." Another voice insisted._

_No...Reno cried in his head, no, let him stay. _

"_Rude," ah, the Director, ever calm and collected, "you can wait over here with us. He's tough, he'll be alright."_

"_Rude..." Reno found his face finally, the lights seeming to dim. But with that came all kinds of other clarities. He saw Rude's face for one brief moment of calm before the pain hit him. It shocked him to the very core. A moment ago he'd felt heavy and cold, now he felt the searing heat of every gash from the fabled sword; every broken bone from that metal fist or the kicks from the lightning fast woman. _

"_Hold him down!" Someone screamed and Rude was right there, but he couldn't help himself, he was fighting. He didn't even know why it was all just so overwhelming that his body acted on instinct and flashes of battle melded with the emergency room. Scalpels became swords, latex gloves became leather ones meant for fighting. The bright lights were the explosion._

"_RENO!"_

_That deep voice that had grounded him so many times was the only thing to penetrate the delirium and he stopped altogether, pants quickly turning to sobs of pain. He saw flashes his own body slick with blood past the doctors who in turn were stained crimson down their fronts. He saw the pile of his torn, red soaked clothing heaped on the floor. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be him. This pain couldn't be real. _

"_Hey, partner, stay with me. Keep you're eyes up here." Rude's hands were on his shoulders, inevitably pressing on wounds but he could tolerate that much pain at least if he could manage to focus on that instead. He felt a hand in his hair and on his other side was Tseng. He actually looked kind of sad, and it scared Reno. _

"_Just bear through it, okay Reno."_

_He nodded to the director but a broken leg was pulled sharply into place and he screamed. He was trying to be strong and tough like a Turk but the way they looked at him like they had been hurt themselves was more than he could handle and for the first time since he'd joined them, he began to cry. _

_There were more screams between the sobs, so much damage and there was no time to be gentle. But even when he was at his weakest, they had stood there on either side of him, never letting go, never turning away._

"Reno...Reno!" A harsh slap sounded in the dark room and then bright green eyes opened in sheer panic. It was her, the one from the plate. And a second later, he was there too, Cloud Strife. Instincts went aflame, if he acted fast maybe he could get out of here. Strife didn't seem to have his sword. He shoved the girl and ran.

A much stronger arm than his own tried to catch him but he was quick and slid under it. He slammed into a number of boxes he didn't see in the dark and found stairs which he took no time in bounding down. He ran to the front doors but they were locked.

"Dammit."

"Reno!" Cloud called, he was almost on him. No choice. "No Reno, don't!" But Reno already had a fist though the window and then the rest of him was vaulting out into the night.

"Cloud hurry!" Tifa called catching up.

"Tifa, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said honestly, she'd been surprised but not hurt by Reno's shove.

"Wait here for him in case he comes back."

"Be careful."

Cloud nodded and followed out the window, letting his eyes focus in the night to try to track Reno.

Reno held his hand tightly against his chest as it bled rather heavily from being shoved through a window. He'd probably broken it too, but it would be a small price to pay to escape the injuries he'd gotten from those two last time.

"Reno!" He heard the voice and immediately picked up his pace. He had no idea where he was or how he had gotten here but he was not about to be captured by this guy. However a heavy weight fell into him and he landed on his back, struggling to get the body on top of him off.

"Reno stop!"

The man had one of his wrists in each hand but he quickly moved on up and one down and twisted his body at the same time to throw his opponent off balance. In an instant he was the one on top and it was much easier to twist his wrists free this way. But when he stood to run the other caught his ankle and he fell again. This time when he got close Reno sat up sharply and head butted him. They both reeled back but blood erupted from Cloud's nose and Reno slipped free once more.

"Stop, dammit!" Cloud called as Reno once again disappeared into shadows but he didn't give him a lead. He chased him just a few more metres before grabbing him bodily from behind and wrapping his arms around Reno's arms and torso. Reno continued to struggle and they fell over but Cloud never let go and Reno had no room to manoeuver out of this.

"Reno, what's going on?"

"What do you mean, you bastard get off!"

"Reno, I think you're having a flashback. Calm down. Remember where you are."

Reno didn't intend to listen to him but there was a growing pain in his chest that he couldn't ignore. Cloud began to hear the distinction between exhausted pants from the fight and the short shallow breaths of a panic attack.

"What...what's going on?"

"Do you remember how you got here?"

"No, I don't know..." his whole body was shaking but Cloud was still afraid that if he let go he'd run. "Cloud..."

"Reno?"

"I don't know how we got here."

That was good enough for him, he let Reno go and the other rolled onto his stomach and got to his knees. But he didn't go much farther. He seemed to be torn between trying to breath and needing to hurl.

"Reno, we should get you back."

"Oh Gaia Cloud, what did I do? You two are helping me and what did I just do?" He was looking at the blood trailing down Cloud's face from a probably broken nose and a vague memory of shoving Tifa flashed across his mind.

"Nothing Reno, just let's go." But the other curled in on himself and the trembles turned to violent heaves of sobs. They were a painful, desperate noise that Cloud recognized. It was the same noise his own soul had made on several occasions: when he'd thought that living was just too painful, when something had happened that could never be taken back. When he had failed. Zack. Aerith. The Plate.

Finally Reno's stomach won out and he retched, but this seemed to bring an end to the tears. Cloud tried to be supportive and rubbed Reno's back while his body convulsed until nothing more would come out. Then Cloud put and arm under him and pulled him to his feet.

"No, I don't deserve to go back." Reno said in weak protest.

"Don't be an idiot, just come on."

He didn't say anything further. Tifa was anxiously awaiting them when they returned. She had already fetched the medical supplies knowing Reno's hand would be in bad shape and lead them straight over to the closest table to the bar. Cloud sat Reno on the bench and the other slumped onto the table with his face resting in the crook of his other arm while his right hand was stretched out on the table by Tifa.

Cloud went to the back and got some ice to bring down the swelling in his nose. Reno never moved while Tifa picked the glass out of his skin or even when she sett his three broken fingers. She kept glancing worriedly to Cloud as she could not see Reno's face and the only indication that he was conscious was his steady breathing.

When she was done she wrapped up his hand to keep everything protected and in the right place and then turned to Cloud. He winced as she used her two thumbs to push his nose back into place but sighed when it was done and replaced the ice.

"There, all done." She said as cheerily as possible and heard a mumbled 'thank you' from Reno to know he was still with them. Cloud sighed and poured three beer and set them loudly on the table in front of Reno. The red head was startled enough by the noise to pull himself up and Tifa joined them. The other two took their glasses and Reno stared at his. He looked down at his bandaged hand and then up to Cloud's swollen face.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Drink up." Was all Cloud said before throwing his back and Tifa did the same. After a moment, Reno did too.

"What were you remembering?" Cloud asked bluntly.

"Cloud!" Tifa said startled and looked back at Reno but the other seemed to be so exhausted from his attack earlier that Cloud's question didn't disturb him at all.

"The hospital after our battle on the Plate."

Both Cloud and Tifa saw flashes of all the blood. The Turk had amazingly held out against the three of them but his body had suffered for it badly. They had never once focussed on that part of the memory, but there was no erasing the image of the damage they'd inflicted. Indeed, Cloud had been rather surprised to hear the Turk that had dropped the Plate had lived.

"It must have been a long recovery." Cloud said awkwardly. Reno just nodded, knowing that he deserved every agony that came from his wounds after the Plate, every painful session of physiotherapy that came in the weeks and months following. He drank from his beer again.

"I shouldn't have slapped you." Tifa said after a silence. "I went to check on you after close tonight and you were lying there like before, with your eyes open but just staring at nothing. I didn't think you were going to wake up but you did."

"Why does this keep happening?" Reno whispered.

"The mind's way of coping." Tifa answered.

"Great."

They had another round of drinks before going back to bed. Reno was so exhausted he couldn't get upstairs without Cloud's arm under him and he was practically asleep as soon as he was horizontal. Cloud was pretty spent too but he took the time to board up the broken window before heading to his own bed. Tifa however, remained at the bar and he paused on the stairs.

"Aren't you coming?"

"In a bit. I'll see you in the morning."

"Tifa, what is it?"

"You know, I never thought about it much."

"What?"

"Reno on the Plate that day. They had to know Avalanche would try to stop them."

"Yeah."

"Well, then why did they only send Reno?"

"All he had to do was flip a switch."

"Yeah, then get off a falling plate and avoid the enemy– not good chances."

"A suicide mission? You think they intentionally sent him on a suicide mission?"

She shrugged.

Cloud thought it over. "But they're looking for him now."

"Yeah, I don't mean they wanted to get rid of him, but maybe Shinra didn't think anyone could survive the mission, so they sent the person they could trust most to get it done but with no backup because they didn't want to waste resources."

"Since when did you think in this way?"

"Since Shinra stepped through our door in the form of a sick Turk. Maybe Tseng and the others didn't know, because it was them who rescued him, but to Shinra they're expendable."

"Of course they are." Tifa looked up at this. Cloud's eyes were serious. "Tifa, I used to work for them too. Anyone is expendable for the company, it's just the way it is."

"That's no way to live."

"It is if gets you out of the slums or out of a backwater town."

"Don't talk about Nibleheim like that."

"You know what I mean, there wasn't much in the way of prospects there."

"But to do a job knowing your life doesn't mean anything– how can you do that?"

"I don't do it, not anymore." He stepped over closer to her. "This is our home now, Tifa, and no one here is expendable. In Avalanche, too, we value life. That's why we are better than Shinra, that's why we did what we did. They are killing the planet because they don't have the same values and everything is expendable. Maybe Reno can learn a different life, maybe he can't, but he wasn't duped onto that Plate, he knew he might lose his life, he was just lucky enough to have friends who were willing to risk theirs to save him– and that goes a long way in this world. Don't try to find ways to forgive him, its impossible. Instead find ways to understand him and to accept him as who he is. You're feeling guilty about feeling guilty aren't you?"

She nodded.

"Well stop feeling guilty period. You have no idea how kind you are Tifa, how many people you've given life just because you bothered to care when so many others wouldn't. Now go to bed."

Tifa tried to absorb all that had just been said. Right now she was lost not in what he had said about Reno but by the mere fact Cloud Strife had actually just stood there and expressed his thoughts and feelings. He was never so open. She wondered what had happened between him and Reno out there tonight, or perhaps this whole thing was just having this effect on him. In any case, it was a welcome change. She stood up and nodded to him, shutting out the lights on her way to bed.

* * *

><p>"You think you can stay down for a bit tonight?" Tifa asked Reno casually even though every word had been carefully chosen earlier. "Cloud will be late getting back from a delivery today and I could use a hand."<p>

"Well you will get exactly one." Reno answered with a wry smile, waving his other still bandaged one at her.

"That's quite alright." She smiled back.

"Well then, I guess I can help." He said and she was happy to see no trace of anxiety in his face. She had waited for the perfect day to ask, when he was feeling good and in a good mood. It had been a little over a week since the incident and he had been a bit quieter than before but no more breakdowns. Cloud's method of being blunt and direct about what Reno's memories were or how he was feeling seemed to be working. Acknowledging things and nipping them in the bud was much better than letting them fester.

The first customers came in, Reno seemed relaxed enough. He mostly poured drinks while Tifa collected cash and kept a close eyes on her partner. People were curious to know who the new face was and before she could stop him, he said his name. But no one reacted. He in fact knew the Turks would not be handing out his name in their search, only his description, and if anyone of these people were going to hand him in, giving them his name wouldn't do them any harm or good.

Within half an hour Reno was in his element. He was joking with the customers, listening to their troubles or their stories, learning names, winking at women. Tifa was amazed at how happy he seemed, she wasn't aware of just how much of a social creature Reno was. The customers loved him, and more laughter than usual rippled through the place. Cloud returned from his scheduled lateness that Tifa had purposely arranged.

She smiled at him as he came nearer. "Oh, back from your delivery, eh, Cloud?"

Cloud pushed his way past patrons to get behind the bar and marvelled and Reno's joviality. "...yeah, how's it going?" But he didn't really need to ask.

"Great Cloud."

"Yeah hey Cloud, your old buddy here from Nebleheim is great!" A regular said clapping Reno on the shoulder and the other laughed. Tifa sidled up to them laughing too and Cloud leaned closer to her.

"From Nebleheim?" he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

"Had to tell them something haha!" she whispered back and continued taking orders and watching the man she thought was broken laugh loudly to the crowd gathered around him at the bar.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hi again, thought I'd update since I had some time. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for the reviews so far, <em>**

**_Peace,_**

**_Riza._**


	6. Chapter 6

Soon Reno's presence at the bar became a regular thing. It was doing wonders for his spirits and for business. For a few days they decided to rotate shifts between them, two on the bar at night, one in the morning, but quickly found it better to have all three work the bar and then all three pitch in on clean up that consequently took much less time to do and gave them all a chance to have a good rest.

Cloud was getting a little more work delivering packages, though he had never officially started that side of the business, but Reno's presence gave him a little more freedom to move about. Tifa was simply having fun. Her work load at the bar was considerably eased by another hand serving and it gave her a similar opportunity to gossip and chat with some of the female patrons who had become like friends but with whom she'd never had time to chat for very long. Their tavern had become a community hub, it was a place full of life and that feeling was contagious.

Unfortunately, their popularity meant extra attention from the less friendly members of the sector looking to make a quick and easy buck. Cloud had been a bit weary of this, but still, there was no way to watch for something that may never happen all the time. Sure enough, however, one night after close, one such figure remained hunched in a corner as everyone else filed obediently out. Tifa made to approach him, but Cloud quickly moved past her, already on suspicious. Tifa muttered a sarcastic "I can handle myself" while moving back to the bar where Reno was stacking glasses.

"Come on, buddy, night's over."

"Not for me." He stood up, gun in hand. Cloud was unimpressed. In one quick, fluid motion, he had the gun out of man's hand and pointed back at his head.

"Like I said, out."

"Fine, fine." The guy said, raising his hands in the air and marching toward the door. Reno and Tifa watched from the bar. But just as the guy got to the door he paused and turned back to Cloud. "But what if I were to tell you I knew you were going to take my gun from me?"

Cloud didn't have time to consider his words before an electric charge went off in the gun and a high voltage shock shot through the handle and into his body. All he could do was grunt in surprise before he fell back on the floor.

"Cloud!" Tifa screamed in concern and outrage and rushed the man.

"No wait!" Reno tried to warn but she was already flying. She did manage to nail the guy but like Reno had suspected, more men entered the yet unlocked doors as if on cue: when Tifa landed from her kick, she landed in the midst of the enemy.

"Shit!" Reno glanced around himself for some sort of weapon. Two men had thrown Tifa back against a wall and had her arms pinned on either side, leaving three other intruders. Cloud, not quite out from the shock, sat up at Tifa's cry but a boot landed squarely in his face, re-breaking his nose and sending him back hard against the floor, his head cracking painfully against the rough surface. The same boot came down again on his chest and remained there, pinning him.

Reno saw all this in a sort of altered state. Many things were rushing through him right now. Adrenaline. Fear. But most of all– Anger. He had found his weapon, not unlike his EMR– a crowbar. Every good tavern should be equipped with a crowbar, he thought, for just such an occasion. He hurled a glass straight at the first man's face, taking him out before he even had to swing his bar. The next fell with a strike to the gut.

This left the man on top of Cloud and the two pinning Tifa. They were unsettled by this sudden resistence and in their distraction Tifa managed to manouevre a good kick into one. Reno saw her inevitable escape and decided to face the man on top of Cloud.

"Get off of him!" He cried, swinging for the man's head with all his might. But all his bravado failed him when the crowbar stopped dead in the air, easily caught by the large man's meaty fist.

"Ah, Shit." Reno hissed when he felt the curved metal slide free of his grip. He prepared to dodge but the man's taunting voice stopped him.

"Sure you want to run?" he smiled, the crowbar was raised above his head for a direct downward swing. If Reno didn't move, it would hit him square in the head and kill him. But if he _did _move, it would continued straight down onto Cloud's head and kill him instead.

"No..." he heard Tifa as she saw the terrible predicament but had no way to help even as she knocked down her last opponent. There was simply no time to do anything and she watched in horror as she knew what Reno would chose.

But the old Turk in Reno was not one to give into the odds other people decided for him. He just met the man's eyes and for one moment, the intruder was confused.

And the next moment, he was dead.

It only took a split second to kill him. One, quick thrust upward with the heel of his palm to the bottom of the man's nose broke it and sent cartilage ramming straight up into his brain. The man continued to stand in death, weapon poised, until he slowly teetered and fell in a grizzly frozen image of his death on the floor, hand ever around the weapon, confusion captured in glassy orbs.

Reno just stood above Cloud breathing hard. The remaining men in the room looked at him, then to Tifa, then made their way out of the bar. Tifa followed them to the doors and locked them tightly before turning to her boys. She saw the mixed emotions in Reno's face, but her attention quickly dropped to the blond on the floor.

"Cloud!" She was instantly at his side. He was barely conscious, blood leaked out from behind his head and his face was covered in it. Reno gingerly picked up the gun that had shocked Cloud and inspected it. He was a bit of an expert concerning electricity and applying it to humans.

"Oh shit."

"What?" Tifa demanded frantically.

"Well our EMR's are meant to stun. I'd say this was meant to kill. Only they didn't realize they were messing with someone with a little something extra flowing in his veins."

"Well will he be alright?"

Reno dropped the gun and turned his attention to Cloud as well. "There are always complications, but Cloud is tough. I really doubt if there will be any permanent damage but we'll need to keep an eye on it. But first–"

"His head, I know." She ran to the bar and came back with a first aid kit. Reno held Cloud's wrist and checked his pulse. Cloud's eyes were shut but his breathing was too regular to for him to be completely unconscious.

"Stay awake, Cloud." Tifa instructed him. "You have a concussion, sleeping is not the best thing right now."

His blue eyes fluttered open but he was far too weak to speak.

"I'm going to have to sit you up to get a better look at this head wound." Tifa continued.

"Why don't we take him to his bed, it would be easier there." Reno suggested.

"It'll be too hard to get him up those stairs."

"Nah, I got it. Hang on Cloud, just for a minute."

Reno took both of Cloud's arms and pulled him into a sitting position before grabbing the back of his pants and hoisting him fireman style over one shoulder. He staggered slightly under the weight but once he got moving it only took a couple of minutes to get up the stair and then lower Cloud back to bed. The momentary experience of being upside-down, however, did not agree with Cloud and before Tifa could reach to treat him he slumped to one side and puked.

"I'm sorry." Reno said standing back but helping Cloud back to a sitting position when he was done.

"It's fine." Tifa said. "I didn't know you had it in you, Reno."

"Turk training. I've even lifted Rude once, but I have to be on an adrenaline high to do that."

She nodded. "Hold him steady for me, will you." he pulled Cloud up slightly and steadied his head so she could inspect it then bandage it. When he set him back down, Tifa leaned in and made him open his eyes again. He groaned at the brightness of her lamp but she needed to check his pupils.

"Definitely a concussion."

"Tif..."

"Cloud, it's okay, everything's fine we just need to get you patched up."

Next she began cleaning up his face and had Reno help her get his shirt off.

There was a huge foot-shaped bruise across his chest and Tifa pressed lightly against his ribs. Cloud moaned in pain and she frowned.

"He broke his ribs."

"Damn." Reno said but he was now standing by the doorway anxiously.

"Reno, what is it? Can you help me wrap his ribs?"

"I..."

"Reno."

"I think I should go get rid of the body."

Tifa froze. She'd never had to deal with this before. She'd certainly fought battles before, but she had never been left with a body to dispose of. Suddenly her stomach churned at the image of it still lying there on her tavern floor and she felt young for the first time in years. This was new. This was unknown. This was awful.

"What will you do with it?"

With no real law in the slums, there was no one to report a dead body to other the darkest parts of the underground market, and you did not want to imagine what would happen to it then. She shuddered, hands still hovering over Cloud's chest.

Reno just stared at her darkly. "I'll handle it, just worry about him."

She wanted to protest, but she didn't know what else a person should do so she just let him go and turned back to the body should could still help.

* * *

><p>The morning came fast and grimly. Tifa descended when she heard the bell of the door sometime around dawn. Reno was covered in sweat and dirt and blood. His face was pale but then, so was hers.<p>

"How is he?" Reno asked quietly.

"He's asleep. I tried to keep him awake but between the shock and the concussion I just couldn't.

"He'll be fine, he needs to sleep. Just keep an eye on him."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll clean up down here, don't worry about it."

"Reno, I'll close the bar tonight, we can worry about it later."

"No, you won't. You'll open on time tonight with a smile on your face so if any of their friends were thinking of taking a go at us they'll realize how tough and ruthless we are and not to mess with us. And the others won't come back for a second stab at it tonight thinking we're too weakened from last night."

She was taken aback by the ferocity of his statement and the cold, harsh logic he pronounced, so she just nodded and returned upstairs. She was starting to see the Turk that she thought had died but she didn't stop to think about it long enough to decide if this was a good or bad thing.

When she came down a few hours later the place was spotless. She had no idea how Reno had managed to get the blood stains out of the floor but the terrifying word _experience_ flashed through her brain. She swallowed that thought and got behind the bar even though she was exhausted.

"Just for an hour." Reno told her. Then you go back upstairs to him. Just an hour to let everyone know we won't take shit from anyone."

"Okay."

When the doors opened, Reno morphed from the stone cold Turk back into the jovial bartender and that was what disturbed her most. She spotted one of the girls she sometimes hired for extra help and offered her a shift for the evening on the excuse of a bad headache and that Cloud was out with a delivery. The girl, Sophie, was glad to take on some extra work and she and Reno ran things for the evening.

At close, Reno handed Sophie her pay for the night's work and walked her to the door. He shut it and locked it and levered a chair under the knob for good measure. Then he scrubbed down the whole bar like they normally would in the morning so he could keep his eyes open for intruders. When he was done, he briefly went upstairs to check on Cloud and Tifa. She was asleep in her chair, her hand still resting on his. Cloud's breathing was even, he looked okay, considering his injuries.

Reno returned to the bar to keep watch until dawn.

* * *

><p>The harrowing two days left Tifa and Reno absolutely drained. She had come down the next morning and was shocked to find him still awake guarding the place, not to mention bar was spotless.<p>

"Reno..."

"It was necessary." He said, the cold, Turk voice back. "They may have come back for revenge thinking we were asleep."

"Reno we can't live in fear like this forever."

"Not forever, but until Cloud is better and we can hunt them down and eliminate the threat."

"Reno! Don't talk like that."

"Like what? It's what has to be done to keep you safe."

"Me?"

"Yes, you, Cloud, the bar, everything here, I will protect it and the way to do that is to kill those mothe–"

"Reno stop it!" She screamed. "Turn off whatever this is, I don't like it. I saw your face after you killed that man. You looked haunted, like anyone should, so don't put on this cold facade like it's you."

"This _is_ me, Tifa. You may have grown up in Nibleheim but unlike my cover-story I didn't. I grew up right here and I know how things operate here. I know what and how you have to do it and there is no sense feeling bad about it."

"But you did feel bad, I saw it."

"But you didn't see me when I did it. You know how it felt, looking up in his fat, cocky eyes and knowing that he would be dead in the next second from nothing more than my palm? You know how I felt when I heard the click and felt the cartilage slide into the soft tissue of his brain? _Satisfied_, Tifa. I felt _satisfied_."

"No, you didn't."

"I did." he responded hollowly.

"Reno, stop it, your–"

"What, scaring you?"

"No, Reno. It's upsetting me." She pushed past him and went back upstairs. He stood in the empty bar, staring after her, then he turned back to the bar and began restocking the beer taps in preparation for another night.

* * *

><p>Tifa hired Sophie for the evening again and ran the bar just the two of them. Reno had only agreed so that he could sleep long enough to take up watch again after close. Tifa was still upset with the way he had spoken to her earlier, but she was still in crisis mode with Cloud and couldn't give it much consideration at the moment.<p>

Reno had intended to go to bed but he turned to Cloud's room instead to check on him.

The blonde was awake.

"You're swaying." Cloud's voice was hoarse.

"No, that's your concussion."

"Tifa said you haven't slept. What's it been, fifty something hours?"

Reno just shrugged, "Turk training, you gonna live?"

"I guess." Cloud sighed. "But I can't believe I let them get the drop on me like that."

"If it helps, I have never seen that trick before."

"It doesn't, but thanks."

"Hey Cloud, you may be tough, but you're still human."

"Actually, Reno, no I'm not."

Cloud caught a cold glint off Reno's eyes and his next words came a low and dark. "Compared to me, Cloud, you are one hundred percent human."

With that, he left Cloud in silent darkness.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hope you liked!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	7. Chapter 7

"Reno, are you sure this is necessary?"

Reno had slumped into a chair in the bar just after close, he'd only gotten a couple hours of sleep and looked awful. Tifa felt completely exhausted as well.

"Yes, Tifa." Was all Reno said, preparing to stay up yet again.

"I don't like it. I feel like we're prisoners in here or something."

"Just go to bed."

"Don't dismiss me like that." She shot back, annoyed.

"Well you aren't doing any good here."

"Reno! If you haven't forgotten this is _my _tavern."

He looked at her. "Oh, I'm sorry, since its _your _tavern I guess my years of experience mean nothing. You've been a barmaid for what, a couple years? Yeah, you're definitely the expert."

"Oh yeah, you think you're the expert on life? You think the Turks equipped you for the world because as far as I can see all they taught you how to do was kill!"

"Oh you just figuring that out? You saw me kill that guy the other night, so maybe now you're starting to regret ever taking me in."

"At the moment, yes."

There was silence. Reno kept her fiery gaze for a few more seconds, then dropped it.

"Fine. I'll leave in the morning when I know you're safe."

"Fine."

She turned her back on him but only made it to the stairs before the sobs hit. She was so tired and stressed out, she didn't even know why they were fighting.

Reno watched her freeze on the first step. He stood up but he felt the rush of blood to his head. The two hours of sleep he'd had really only made him groggy rather than taking the edge off. He gripped the bar and waited for the world to stop spinning but as he listened to her sobs and his vision remained black, reality blended with memories once more. He heard his own sobs in the ER with Rude and Tseng there. Then he was going back, far back before the plate.

_He was sixteen again and he was on his first mission with Tseng, before he even met Rude. He had only gone through a few months of training but Tseng said he'd taken him from the field, so he might as well train him on the field. _

_It was just the two of them. Reno had just had his first ride in a chopper and had already decided he wanted to learn how to fly one. But now they moved silently through the upper levels of a building, working their way down through access routes and stairwells. _

_Reno didn't know much about the target, just that he was to be eliminated. He had to admit, he and Tseng were a pretty smooth team, both slender, quick and silent. Their movements were fluid and almost synchronized when they did meet resistence. Soon they were in the room they'd been aiming for. Tseng had told Reno he was back-up, he didn't have to do anything but watch the director's back this time. He held his gun ready but Tseng had already swept the room and dropped the three guards._

"_Where is the disc?" He demanded of the sole man left alive, sitting in leather chair behind a large wooden desk._

"_Where you'll never find it." He responded._

"_That's why I' asking, so tell me."_

"_No." There was the sound of a gun shot, Reno looked around confused, not sure where it came from and then saw Tseng falling over, trying not to scream. A tiny hole had appeared in the front of the desk– a deceptively thin sheet of wood that the man had easily penetrated with a gun he must have been holding in his lap this whole time. Blood pooled around Tseng's shin and Reno realized he'd failed to do the one thing he'd been ordered to do._

"_Get out, Reno." Tseng moaned when the man leapt much more nimbly than expected from behind the desk, his gun trained on Tseng but Reno's fixed on him in turn._

"_Don't think you can match my speed, kid." The man warned. "You look way too young to be with the Turks, I'll give you the chance to run and I suggest you take it."_

"_No way." Reno stood firm, moving closer to the director. _

"_Silly child." Reno saw the quick movement of his wrist and dodged the first shot, rolling forward. He launched himself from a somersault straight at the man, knocking his arm away before he could fire again. They landed on the ground, Reno on top and gun pointed at the man's face._

"_Where is the disc?" He didn't know the details of the mission, he didn't know what the disc was, but it was what Tseng had asked so he repeated his mentor. "Tell me!"_

"_Never." Reno didn't really know how to deal with this resistance, but the man had other plans. He was more than twice Reno's weight and easily flipped him over so that he was crushed underneath him. Reno lost hold of his gun but it was within reach, he just needed a second to grab it. The man had regained his own firearm and grabbed Reno around the throat viciously, almost completely cutting off the flow of air– not that much was getting through anyway due to his heavy weight crushing Reno's lungs. He shoved the cold metal barrel against Reno's temple and the boy knew this was it. Even still, his outstretched hand still clawed desperately for his gun, the tips of his fingers brushing over the rough handle._

"_Stop!" Tseng's voice called out, the man swung the gun around to the Director. Reno was trying to see what Tseng was doing but then his thumb got a grip, he had the gun in his hand and while Tseng's call of protest was still ringing through the room Reno pulled back the hammer and fired directly into the temple of the man above him._

_He was a boy from the slums. He didn't know much about the human body besides what he'd seen for himself, but this was definitely not something he'd ever seen or felt before. He was immediately blinded by the onslaught of blood that fell into his face, mixed in with thicker chunks and light, sharp fragments of skull. _

_The man's shattered head fell right against Reno's, his mouth made strange convulsive noised but Reno knew he must be dead. The hot tang of blood seeped into his own mouth and he gagged, struggling frantically to get away from the horror of death but the man was too heavy and he couldn't get his body off. He felt every twitch run through the corpse, the most awful being the release of bowels and urine that Reno didn't even know happened when a person died. _

_He was choking, screaming, flailing, gagging and finally the heavy weight rolled off and though severely injured, the director drug the frantic Reno back from the mess and wiped his eyes and nose and mouth so he could see and breathe._

"_Calm down, Reno." Tseng urged the hyperventilating teen. "It's over now." But Reno grabbed his stomach and hurled, inwardly relieved to know that the blood that had gotten into his mouth would at least be purged. _

_When he finished, he sat back trembling but able to focus on Tseng now and listen. He tried not to feel the sickly fluids that made his clothes cling to his body or the mingling smells of blood and piss and shit and puke. Tseng reached up and cupped his face with one hand. Reno focussed on his dark eyes, though they were narrowed in pain from his wound and his face was pale and sweaty._

"_Director...I'm sorry."_

"_Don't apologize. He had a clean shot on me but I was too afraid that if I tried to shoot him I'd hit you. You just saved my life."_

"_But the information..."_

"_Will be found without him. You did well. Now I need you to help me walk."_

_Reno looked down at Tseng's leg, bleeding profusely from a hole right in his shin, no doubt the bone was shattered. He nodded, searching around and grabbing one of the men's ties, he wrapped the wound tightly before attempting to get Tseng to his feet. It was difficult, but something on which to focus and Reno guided them out of the office. _

_More security was probably on the way, they had to be quick. He retraced their path from before and, though painful for Tseng, they made it to the roof and the awaiting chopper. Others quickly jumped to their aid, seeing Tseng's wound and the total chaos of Reno, and they were pulled into safety. _

_Reno and Tseng sat opposite one another, the director never took his eyes off the boy, but he just remained unmoving, all fear and disgust from early wiped from his eyes replaced by a cold calm. It was a look Tseng was used to, but never in one so young._

"Reno..."

They were on the floor, he had his back against the bar and Tifa was kneeling before him. Her eyes were still wet from her sobs but now full of concern rather than anger or sorrow.

This time there was no violent transition back to reality, Reno just met her gaze, and remembered where he was. Something dripped onto his hand and he realized it was a tear. He felt the damp streaks down his face and then his eyes went to the floor.

"Reno? Where were you this time?"

"The day I became a killer."

Tifa inhaled sharply. "Reno, I didn't mean to call you that."

"It's okay. It's true. We all know it."

"Reno..."

"Tifa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so awful to you the last few days. I guess I was just...scared. I thought I knew best how to keep us all safe."

"You've hardly had any sleep, I know you weren't yourself. I should have recognized that and not pushed it."

"Don't do that. Don't make excuses. I can't take it."

"Reno..."

"Please. I'll leave in the morning."

"Please don't."

"I can't keep doing this to you."

"Reno...please..." the tears started rolling down her cheeks again and stared at her. "If you want to make me happy then you'll stay."

"But I just keep hurting you, both of you."

"They might have killed Cloud the other night if you hadn't been here. You saved us. I don't want you to go."

He lowered his head again and nodded weakly. She fell forward and hugged him. He didn't know why, but he started to cry too. He suddenly felt the weight of the past few days and didn't think he could even stand so he just lay against her, quietly crying.

When her tears subsided, so did his and she pulled him up, with much effort, and helped him back to his room. When she left he flopped down and didn't move any further, his whole body was spent, emotionally, physically.

* * *

><p>"How long has he been like that?" Cloud asked Tifa as he descended the stairs for the first time in six days. Tifa looked up from her cleaning and rushed to his side.<p>

"Cloud, are you sure you're ready to be walking?"

"I've been in bed longer than I should have by the looks of the two of you. You look exhausted."

"I closed the bar for a couple days after Reno finally went to sleep but I want to open again tonight. Sophie has been bartending for us and I thought I'd offer her an official position, it's just too much for us at the moment."

He nodded but returned to his concerns. "I checked on Reno when I got up. He's just staring at the wall again."

"I know." Tifa said with a heavy sigh. "He went to sleep for a long time when I finally got him to go to bed, but when he woke up he didn't move, he's just like before."

"What happened?"

Tifa explained everything while Cloud sat and she checked over his wounds. He just nodded and listened.

"We'll just have to keep an eye on him then." Cloud concluded at the end of her tale.

"Well, that can be your job because I'm not sure you should even be out of bed yet."

"I'm a quick healer, Tifa."

"Even still...let me round you up something to eat, okay?"

"Okay."

Cloud did take it easy for the next few days. Even if his head was better and his ribs were much less painful, the electric shock had really taken a toll on his system. He sat in his room studying his medical text and wondering what memory Reno was caught in this time.

* * *

><p>"<em>Going to sit there all day?"<em>

_Reno looked up, he'd been lost in thought and almost forgot where he'd been._

"_Oh, Director, you're awake." He stood and went to Tseng's bedside. He was propped up on pillows so as to be nearly siting and his right leg was in a cast and raised up on cushions to keep it more comfortable. "How long until you can walk again?"_

"_Two weeks before I can put any weight on it, then crutches and physical therapy after that. I'm hoping they'll let me go in a wheel chair in a day or so but its not looking good. Did you hurt your hand?"_

_He had noticed the bandage around Reno's wrist and hand and his slightly swollen thumb._

"_Just sprained it I guess, didn't even notice at the time." Reno shrugged._

"_Adrenaline."_

"_Yeah, I guess. So what do you want me to do now, Director?" There was a bit of an edge to his voice. He hadn't gotten to know any of the other Turks with the exception of one or two who'd participated in his training the last few months. He'd shadowed Tseng every single day so of course he felt lost when the Director said he wouldn't be mobile for a while._

"_There's a Turk I've had my eye on for a while. I've been thinking of making him part of my personal team and I think now is the best time. I'm going to ask him to be your partner."_

"_My partner?"_

"_He can show you how to do the things I haven't gotten the chance to show you yet and when you two are ready for missions, you'll do them together. He's a good man, I think you'll get along."_

"_Cool, when do I meet him."_

"_Right now." Reno turned, hearing the door to the private room open and saw a tall, bald man with sunglasses enter._

"_You have your ears pierced?" were the first words out of Reno's mouth. The man stopped short and stared back at him then responded with just as much brevity,_

"_You have a pony tail?"_

_Then Tseng was actually trying not to laugh and Reno was looking between the two then years flashed by, pranks and training and laughter and missions and injuries and then he was flat on his back in the bed and instead of him and Rude bickering above the Director it was them staring down at Reno after the plate with their eyes bearing the same, unbearable sentiment– _I put you here.

Reno's eyes snapped open and he sat up sharply. His whole body was covered in sweat and he trembled from weakness. He looked outside, it was day time, but he had no idea how long he'd been out this time. When he walked down the hall he found the other two asleep, it must have been just past dawn. He noticed less bandages on Cloud but the healing time of a genetically altered soldier was not the best marker to go by. Still, judging by how hungry he was, it must have been two or three days at least.

He went downstairs and brewed some coffee while he ran for a quick shower. Then he made eggs and toast and feasted before picking up his wash basin and rag and beginning the morning wipe down.

Tifa and Cloud came down that morning to the wonderful surprise of a clean tavern and Reno awake and seemingly content, finishing is second cup of coffee.

"Morning." Tifa said cautiously. Reno smiled up at her. "Morning. There's enough coffee in the pot for you both."

"Oh great," she beamed. Cloud walked up to the table and gave Reno a once over.

"You okay?"

Reno shrugged. "I'm back." he didn't even bother to ask how long it had been. "You okay?"

"I'm better."

The two nodded. Tifa came back with coffee and Cloud started breakfast for them.

"Thought any more about making your delivery service official, Cloud?" Reno asked when they joined him at the table.

"Well, we hired Sophie on regular now so that we have a bit more room to breath. If that works out then probably I will. I actually have a long run to do tomorrow, seems people need the service even without advertising."

"You ever hear anything more about Shinra or the Turks?"

Cloud shrugged. "The usual chat, not very favourable, but I haven't heard of any official search."

"MIA, that's me." Reno said, trying to sound casual. "Don't often hear from a Turk again if they've been missing for more than a week. He's either dead or doesn't want to be found." Reno attempted to offer a half smile but ended up staring at his coffee cup instead.

* * *

><p>Rude's eyes snapped open at the quiet thud of a mug being set on his desk. He breathed in the fresh sent of coffee and smiled thankfully at Elena.<p>

"Seriously Rude, how much sleep _are_ you getting? You can't go looking for him every single night."

When Rude said nothing her jaw dropped. "Rude! You're going to kill yourself at this rate. You know you aren't the only one spending their personal time keeping a look out, if he's in Midgar we'll find him, you don't have to do it all on your own."

"I know." he sighed, "but ever since the Doc explained the trauma thing it all makes sense. I just don't know why we didn't see it ourselves."

"Um, because it's Reno and he bounces back from anything. He _never_ lets on that he's hurt, so if he was feeling strange, he naturally would have hid it."

"But he did used to tell me things, all the time actually, couldn't get him to stop. I used to think he did it to annoy me but now I'm pretty sure it's cause he'd never really had a friend before."

"Wow, that's sad."

Rude managed a chuckle. "Yeah, you're right, it is kind of sad."

"Well, when we find him, I'll be so happy he can chat my ear right off, but for now, we need to do our jobs and you need to get some sleep, okay?"

He just grunted. She sighed in exasperation and left. Rude watched her go and sighed too, knowing that despite Elena's instructions, it was going to be another long night.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Happy long weekend to my fellow Canadians, and happy weekend to everyone else!<em>**

**_Riza._**


	8. Chapter 8

The rain beat harder against the window and Tifa frowned.

"Doesn't look like Cloud's gonna be having much fun on his delivery, does it?" Reno said over her shoulder as he collected more mugs to wash. It was a pretty slow day at the tavern, rain could always either load the place full of people looking for shelter or keep away regulars who were already safe indoors and not interested in venturing out again. It was nothing like the rainstorm the day Reno arrived, but it was still pretty bad.

"Yeah, I hope he gets back safe."

"Come on, it's Cloud." Reno said with a smirk and returned to the bar to scrub some glasses and then to circulate and take some more drink orders. The doors flew open and a slew of rain came in but a tall muscular customer waltz in, unconcerned by the water, and it took Tifa a second to realized who it was.

What should have been joy, quickly turned to horror.

"Barrett..." she breathed to herself.

He was scanning the tavern for her but it wasn't her he saw. No, his eyes had landed solidly on the slender form with flaming red hair, bent low taking a customer's order. Muscles bunched beneath vest and mesh shirt, iron fist clenched and hummed with power.

"TURK!" The accusation silenced the tavern. Tifa was moving but so was her friend and Reno stood rooted at the sudden oncoming attack.

First he saw the metal fist. Then he saw those strong, broad shoulders. But mostly, he saw those eyes, eyes who'd had the soul ripped from them in absolute despair less than a year ago. Now they shone with blood lust and fury, and Reno just stood where he was, unable to turn way from this man.

There were cries of panic. The metal fist struck Reno in the jaw, snapping his head violently to the side and sending him sprawling on the floor. Barrett didn't waste a second before grabbing a fistful of Reno's shirt and hefting him up so he could slam into him again. This time Reno collapsed against a wall and Barrett's forearm fell across his throat, keeping him upright but choking him at the same time.

Now the blows went to his gut and after the first one he was spewing blood. Barrett was yelling things, Reno had no idea what, his mind was split between two realities– the pain of this world and the images of the Plate. Just like when Cloud had beat him up, he never moved to fight back, never screamed in pain, just stared dead-eyed back and took his punishment. But what _did _reach his ears, what _did _pull him back, was Tifa's scream.

"Barrett no! Stop!"

The man was so maddened, so lost in his own pain and rage, that he didn't register who was screaming at him, who was pulling on his arm to get him to stop, he just felt a hindrance and reacted.

Tifa slammed back into the bar from his blow, shattering a bar stool on the way.

"Tifa!" Barrett cried mournfully, seeing what he'd done and Reno slipped out his grasp. The beaten man staggered to Tifa but this seemed only to enrage Barrett more.

"You get away from her!"

"Barrett!" Cloud entered the scene, soaking wet and shocked by the scene before him. He saw Tifa on the ground, Reno bleeding profusely and Barrett hammering down on him once more.

Some instinct did manage to flare in Reno and he raised his arm to protect his head from another blow. His forearm snapped and he fell flat on the floor again but instead of hauling him up for another go, Reno just heard the click and whir of gears from Barrett's metallic limb.

"Barrett stop it!" Cloud's voice went unheaded and he raced toward them, knocking down chairs to get across the room in time.

Reno stared into the blue-green glow of energy building to its peak in preparation of obliterating him where he sat.

"BARRETT!" Cloud slammed into the bigger man, the ball of energy shot into the wall right before them and both men went hurtling backward from the rebound to the other side of the tavern while a spray of splinters from what used to be a wall showered down all around Tifa and Reno. She sat staring at the devastation then tried to find where the other two had landed. One of the long tables lay snapped in two and in the centre of it were two struggling bodies.

"But it's him Cloud!" Barrett screamed while they each fought to get to their feet first.

"You need to calm down!" Cloud wheezed through clenched and blood stained teeth.

"What's wrong with you, kid? Why the _Hell _are you defending that murder?"

"I'll explain if you just stop– ahh!"

They had made it to their knees and were still struggling but when Barrett laid a hand against Cloud's chest to push him back, the other nearly doubled over in pain. His head fell against Barrett's own chest and he gasped loud. Barrett stopped in his struggled and caught his old friend around the shoulders.

"Yo Cloud, what is it? Cloud?" But when Cloud tried to look up at him, his eyes were pained and he coughed out blood. "Cloud!"

On the other side of the room Tifa was trying to hold a barely conscious Reno steady but she heard the desperate cries from Barrett and couldn't sit idle.

"Hang on." She whispered, lowering Reno to the floor and hurrying over to see what was wrong.

Barrett was getting to his feet, lifting Cloud gently with him.

"I don't know where he's hit..." he said softly, guiltily.

"His ribs. He broke his ribs a week ago...oh Gaia one must have punctured a lung!"

"He needs a surgeon." a small voice said and they both jumped at the young barmaid, Sophie who had just emerged from the protection of the bar. "I can go fetch him."

"Please." Tifa responded. Sophie nodded and ran out the door.

"Lay him on one of the long tables, I'll get what I can ready for the surgeon."

"Okay." Barrett lay Cloud out on the cleanest table he could find. The blonde moaned in pain and periodically coughed blood. His eyes only remained half open but he found Barrett and met his eyes.

"Cloud..." Barrett's human hand rested lightly on the boy's hair. "I didn't mean to."

Cloud didn't speak, just nodded. The big man sat on the bench beside him and fought with his emotions while Tifa ran back and forth getting cloths and basins and lamps and pillows and anything she thought might help the surgeon. She cut Cloud's shirt free of him and then there was nothing more to do but wait, so she returned to the frail from she'd left on the floor.

Reno had been sick, he'd taken several painful blows to the stomach and mostly blood had spewed out. His jaw was black and probably broken along with his nose. A dark bruise was rising across his throat. And his arm was definitely broken. She remembered his tale of having his arm broken in three places by an EMR and wondered if it was the same one. But Reno didn't make a noise when she sat him up. She could see in his eyes he was not living in the present.

* * *

><p><em>Reno dodged blow after blow but finally wasn't fast enough and had to deflect with this left. He took the punch square in his forearm and blinding pain shot through him. He actually saw white for a minute before doubling over and clutching the limb.<em>

"_Whoa, Reno, what's wrong?" Rude backed off immediately. They were in the training room and it had been their first chance to spar with each other since being partnered up. Reno remained hunched for a few moments longer before he stood up again. Sweat beaded over his face but he tried to pass it off._

"_Nothing, I'm fine, let's keep going." Rude said nothing but deftly blocked Reno's next blow with the right and immediately grabbed his left wrist, pulling his arm out straight and bringing the teen to a standstill._

"_What the Hell?" Reno screamed when Rude maintained his hold and just examined the arm. He saw the unnatural bumps and scars and frowned before releasing his partner._

"_You had a bad break."_

"_Yeah, from my first run in with the Turks."_

"_You should get that looked at."_

"_Already did, that's why its not broken anymore, idiot."_

"_I mean physiotherapy, genius."_

"_Oh, what's that?" _

_Rude sighed. "Come on, shouldn't let stuff like this go."_

_But when Reno walked through the clinic doors suddenly he was grown up and braced between two poles and staring down at his scared leg with metal pegs now deeply embedded in it to keep everything where is should be after the battle on the Plate. He was drenched in sweat but he hadn't even taken a step yet. The last time he'd tried he'd experienced a pain that shot from heel to brain and hadn't stopped until someone had rushed to him and yanked him off his feet. When the pressure had lifted from his foot, the pain ended and he had found it was Rude holding onto him. Now his partner sat stoically in every session, just incase he needed rescuing again._

_The therapist told him to take a step. His leg hovered above the ground, Reno's grip on the bars tightened and he locked eyes with his partner as he put weight on his foot._

Reno returned to the sound of stifled cries and the warmth of Tifa's arms around him. Her muscles clenched every time another cry sounded behind damp cloth. He could see the figure being held flat on the table by Barrett who's face was set in a grim countenance. Another man had his back to them but was hunched closely over Cloud in the process of some delicate work.

"Cloud?" Reno whispered.

"We think one of his ribs may have punctured a lung. The surgeon's working on him. Can you stand? I'll take you to your room and the surgeon will treat you there when he's done."

"I'll try." She gripped him firmly under the shoulder and raised him up. He winced in pain, his arm obviously hurting but the severe bruising on his stomach making it hard to stand up straight. He rested heavily on her.

"Here." Sophie had seen their struggle and joined them. She took Reno's other side and together they got him to the stairs. Reno avoided Barrett's eyes but glanced at Cloud's blood soaked body. The young man was ghostly pale but awake and concentrating on keeping himself that way. The last thing he heard before they turned up the stairs was the surgeon telling Cloud to hold on, a sickening creak of bone and one, long, drawn out scream.

Tifa put Reno in her own bed as it would be much better than his couch and left Sophie to watch over him. But as soon as Tifa left the poor girl burst into tear and sobbed into Reno's shoulder. She had no idea what was going on, why the man downstairs had attacked Reno and Cloud and now why he was helping. Reno didn't explain, but tried to comfort her as best he could. It was better than letting his own thoughts take over.

Downstairs it was a long night. Tifa sat holding one of Cloud's hands the whole time. But the surgeon was almost done now and was stitching Cloud back together where he'd had to cut into him. Then he applied heavy bandages to support his whole torso. Cloud couldn't be moved around much so Tiffa made a make shift stretcher for them with bed sheets and then the surgeon and Barrett were able to carry him upstairs and set him on the bed without moving him much at all. Tifa just managed to get him to swallow some antibiotics before he was passed out completely.

The surgeon then moved on to Tifa's room where Reno lay. Tifa strictly instructed Barrett to watch over Cloud and then crossed the hall to her room and shut the door. She didn't quite trust Barrett to not come barrelling in and finish what he'd started.

Sophie was holding a cold cloth against Reno's face when they entered. Tifa could see that she'd been crying and smiled warmly at her.

"Sophie, I'm so sorry about all of this. There is a couch in the room at the end of the hall. It's not much but you're welcome to rest there. It's probably safer than leaving after all that happened."

"Who is that man?" she said eyeing the door which faced Cloud's room. "And why did he say Reno was a Turk?"

Tifa sighed deep. There was a whole set of new problems that was going to come out of this that she couldn't muster the energy to even think about right now. "I can't explain it all right now, I'm sorry, but will you stay?"

"It's okay Tifa. Yes, I'll stay here tonight. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, you've been wonderful, good night." The young girl left for the couch. Tifa sat on the end of Reno's bed while the surgeon looked him over. He was unconscious, which made it much easier to set his arm and check his other wounds, though he lacked feedback from his patient. He had no materials to cast Reno's arm but made a thick and tight brace for it. Then he looked at his jaw.

"I don't think it's broken," he said in surprise. But the way the bruises were formed and the long cut along his cheek told the story. "It looks like your friend's metal fist there didn't hit square, glanced off him, only reason this poor guy's got any teeth left." The surgeon did however, wrap a bandage around Reno's head from where he'd knocked it against the floor or the wall.

"That should keep him together." He said. But Reno's stomach was another story. There was a risk of internal organ damage and he couldn't tell the extent of the damage with Reno out cold like this.

"He looks fit so his abdominal muscles may have protected him, but these are some pretty serious bruises so be careful. If you can afford it, I'll come by and check on them both in a day's time."

"Yes, please." Tifa walked him out of the room. She glanced in on Barrett and Cloud but both were still.

"What about you?" The surgeon asked. Tifa just shook her head confused but the surgeon was indicating a nasty bruise forming on her side. She hadn't even noticed but she supposed it was from the stool.

"It's nothing. Thank you." She handed him the cash and he left.

"I'm sorry." Tifa jumped at the voice right next to her and took a step back. Barrett's already devastated face fell even further but she relaxed.

"You just startled me." She tried to comfort, even though she was fighting hard to swallow her anger at him. She didn't blame him for feeling the way he did, but she blamed him for how he'd handled it.

"I didn't mean to hit you," Barrett continued. "It was just, in the moment, and I... and then I nearly killed Cloud. I just...that damn Turk still managed to nearly get us killed."

Tifa stiffened at this.

"You're blaming this on Reno?" she hissed, her voice holding a dangerous edge. "You're seriously going to stand there and blame this on that boy lying unconscious in there?"

"Tifa, he's the enemy!"

"He didn't even fight back! You did this! This happened because _you_ lost control!"

"Because of him! Because I found the man who took everything from us!"

"Not everything." Tifa said but before Barrett could jump on the statement she continued. "He didn't take away your honour as a warrior, your dignity, your compassion, your control. I still have mine, even Cloud has his, so don't claim that what happened a year ago has anything to do with that."

He stared back at her hard in the dark, but relented. "Tifa, I'm sorry." He said simply.

"I know you are, Barrett." She raised a hand and placed it on his arm. "I know who and what you lost. I won't ever forget. I don't forgive Reno, but by chance we came across him and I am willing to give him the chance to change who he is. So if you really are my friend, you won't hurt him again."

He hung his head and nodded.

"Thank you." She gave him a quick hug and then yawned. "I'm afraid we're our of beds."

"It's alright, I think I'd better patch up that hole I made in the wall downstairs before someone decides to sneak in and steal all your profits."

"Hmm, well I think I'll keep an eye on Cloud for a while. Let me know if you need help."

"I won't, you take it easy up here."

"Okay."

Tifa tried to stay awake, she truly did, but when she got comfortable in the chair next to Cloud's bed she couldn't for the life of her keep her eyes open.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Well, our poor heroes sure took a beating in this chapter, physically and mentally. It was definitely tricky writing the interaction between Tifa and Barrett, because it was hard to decide who was right and who was wrong (okay, obviously I am sympathetic to Reno, but if I was Barrett I probably wouldn't be). Let me know what YOU think! Thanks alot for the reviews thus far, and I think Fetherhd said it best back in chapter 2, self-forgiveness is hard to come by, anyone who's tried knows it's true, and that is what this story is all about. That will become even more clear in the later chapters. But thanks to all of you who have reiviewed, Caerbear, Fetherhd, SniperR, Katakana, Jiminy Goes to War,Gina, NobodyVIII, Damatris, TitchyCatnipSandwich and Sincethelastday. PS, you all have sweet names, making me rethink the simplicity of my own!<em>**

**_Ciao to all my lovely readers!_**

**_Riza Winters._**


	9. Chapter 9

A sour mood had settled over the tavern and the community. Rumours were spreading– unsettling ones. People wanted to know why Reno had been named a Turk and who the man was that nearly killed him and Cloud. Sophie was sweet and kind hearted and would never intentionally hurt Tifa or her friends, but once she left the tavern after that night, everyone she saw demanded information and the poor girl told them what she knew just to get them to back off.

And pieces of information were fitting together.

The bravest patrons to stay and hear the mad screams of Barrett when he'd spotted Reno, had heard something about the Seventh Plate. And everyone had heard him call Reno a Turk. And, so, very quickly, the idea formed that living among them this whole time, had been the Turk to drop the Plate– and everyone down here had known someone to die, had suffered, had been affected by the devastation.

The surgeon never returned. Tifa didn't dare open the tavern again. Sophie never came to collect her pay. Reno was still too out of it to know what was going on but Barrett sat waiting every night for the mob to come. He'd created a nightmare for his friends and he'd made a promise to Tifa not to hurt Reno again, but if he didn't break that promise, he might be condemning Tifa and Cloud to the mercy of the crowds as well.

* * *

><p>"It's time to move." Tseng threw open Rude's door and the Turk didn't hesitate. He grabbed his jacket and ran after Tseng, knowing by the urgency of his voice that this could only be about one thing.<p>

"There is a Tavern in sector six, apparently run by Strife and Lockheart."

They were running now, toward the roof. Elena was already in the chopper waiting to take off. Rude jumped in after Tseng and the Director continued.

"Someone attacked a bartender there, called him a Turk. Some people put it together, figured out he's the one who dropped the plate."

"Oh no..."

The Director gripped his arm and met his eyes fiercely, "We'll make it, Rude, we're going to save him."

* * *

><p>Dawn was coming. Reno was awake and dressed. Barrett had told him to be ready. Tifa was still asleep. He slipped his shoes on and went quietly downstairs.<p>

"That girl Sophie was kind enough to send along a warning." Barrett said meeting him by the main doors. "I promised Tifa I wouldn't hurt you, but those people out there will rip her to shreds if she doesn't hand you over."

"So you want me to turn myself in before it comes to that."

"No."

Reno was taken aback. "What?"

"No, I told you, I made a promise to her and I'm going to keep it. I want you to run your skinny little Turk ass back to Shinra but let plenty of people see you on the way. That way, Tifa is happy because you ain't dead but everyone will know she isn't hiding you here anymore. Here." He handed Reno his cell. "Call your buddies, get them to give you an exit, just make sure people see you."

Reno took the phone without hesitation. He would do whatever it took to protect Tifa and Cloud.

"Okay. Thank you."

"Oh don't thank me, I'll pass on the sentiment to the two upstairs."

Reno nodded, but before he could dial, there was a massive bang on the main door.

"What the Hell..." The next bang and the chain lock busted. At least eight men stood in the entry, regulars to whom Reno had severed beer several nights, big and tough. There were more people outside.

"Hand him over."

Barrett raised his metal hand and it began to transform into the gun.

"What's going on?" Tifa came down the stairs in her sock feet but her eyes widened at once. "What do you people think you're doing! Get back!"

"We don't know why you of all people would be defending this murderer Tifa," one man said, "but we're taking him, and you can't stop us. Please, don't make us hurt you."

"Well you're mistaken if you think I'm just going to hand him over to you."

"You are." Reno said and she wished she was surprised. But just like he had accepted the beatings from Cloud and Barrett, he saw this as just the next punishment for his crimes.

"No." She protested, "Reno you said if you went back to the Turks you wanted to do good things. If you succeeded, imagine what kinds of effects that could have! Giving up and dying isn't atoning for anything. Living and living decently is much harder, but it's the only way to pay back your debt. So don't do this, Reno. Please."

He looked back at her, his eyes sad. It wasn't that he ignored what she said, he sincerely took it to heart. But facing these men, and seeing the growing mob behind him, he knew that living was no longer a choice.

"Thank you Tifa, for everything." He put a hand on Barrett's mechanical arm and guided it down. "Don't let her follow," he whispered and stepped forward.

"NO!" Tifa bolted from the stairs toward them but Barrett caught her. "Let go! Don't do this! Stop it! Please everyone just stop!"

But the thick arms around her refused to budge and the people pulling Reno away were not stopping. Tifa continued to scream even when Reno was out of sight, and only stopped when a weak voice sounded behind her.

"They've taken him, haven't they?" Cloud leaned against the railing of the stairs, pale, shaking, but eyes flaring in dangerous anger.

"Cloud, no you can't be up." Tifa managed when she caught her breath again. But his sword was already in his hands and he was moving with painful determination toward the door.

"Cloud, you aren't strong enough." Barrett warned.

"I have to stop them."

"Don't die for him." Barrett's voice was desperate, because he already knew it would go unheard. His hands slackened around Tifa. He knew it was all over now. Cloud would go, and he couldn't let the swordsman go alone, and there would be no way Tifa wouldn't follow.

"Not just for him." Cloud responded quietly. "For _them_. They'll realize that this is not justice, that this brings nothing more than pain, makes them nothing more than murders, but they won't realize it until it's over. I have to stop them from making that mistake."

Without another word he drug his sword and himself through the door and made for his bike. Tifa stepped out of Barrett's arms, and with a sigh, he followed after.

* * *

><p>Reno walked obediently between the two men who held either arm. His eyes were emotionless, he felt almost nothing as they walked along the dew-wet streets. He knew he was walking to his execution.<p>

It had either previously, or just silently, been agreed upon that Reno should die at the scene of his crime. They marched right up to the edge of the destruction of the Seventh Plate and waited for everyone that could to gather.

Reno obediently fell to his knees when he was pushed down. His wrists and ankles were secured at his back and he was left to kneel alone in the middle of the crowd. Someone was speaking above him, making a speech about his crimes, about his death. He saw children in the crowd, their faces full of fear and anticipation more than anything else. Those a bit older showed the blood lust and hate. Those older still, and wiser, watched sadly, already having learned the lessons of vengeance.

"Stop!"

The speaker stopped at the harsh voice in surprise more than obedience. There was a roar of a motor, then a figure was sailing from the crowd. Reno groaned when sneakered feet landed in front of him, then heavy boots and then a very unsteady pair of legs mostly supported by a sword.

"Don't do this." Tifa cried from her protective stance in front of Reno, but people were already shouting over her.

"It's a mistake!" Cloud screamed. "Revenge does nothing but bring more pain. You will all have his blood on your hands! Can you really live with that?"

Someone shouted 'Yes' and there was a roar of agreement from the crowd. Cloud winced in both physical pain, grabbing his ribs, but also emotional, scared he couldn't save these people from this mistake. "Then if nothing else, what do you think will happen when the Turks find out what you've done?" he shouted through half clenched teeth, attempting to appeal to their self preservation if nothing else. But these were strong people, not easily intimidated.

"Let them come!" Someone yelled and the crowd cheered again. Their hesitation seemed to fade and they swarmed the three. Reno screamed for them all to stop but it was useless. Cloud was seized quickly, he didn't swing his sword, wouldn't, and his wounds were too severe. When he was grabbed he collapsed and immediately began coughing blood. Tifa was pushed to her knees and her arms held behind her back. Barrett was lost under at least ten men.

"We don't want to hurt out own, only the murder. Don't struggle any further." The man who'd been speaking earlier instructed before turning back to Reno. "Does the accused have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?"

Tifa was being restrained opposite from him. Had their arms been free, they could have reached out and touched each other, but like this, they could only reach each other through their eyes. Hers were brimming with emotions, with tears. His own were dry, calm. Slowly he broke her gaze and turned to face the speaker above him.

"No."

"Reno, no!" Tifa sobbed out but he didn't turn back to her.

"Then it is decided." The speaker concluded. Near silence fell over the crowd. A long katana was produced. Someone pushed Reno's head forward to expose the back of his neck and he just remained frozen that way, waiting.

"For all who lost their lives in Sector Seven, you are avenged!"

Tifa watched horrified as the blade was raised. She was screaming herself hoarse and fixed only on the scene before her. She didn't hear the startled grunts behind her, or the electric buzz of an EMR, she only realized something was happening when someone kneed past her and she pitched forward. The katana was falling but she face planted and could no longer see. But she heard the very clear ring of steel striking stone and gasped in horror.

Reno heard the blade cutting through the air and waited, staring at the stony ground where his head would land, where his life would end. But a shadow suddenly washed over that dry, grey ground, and then he was on his back with a weight on his body, staring up at the sky where it gapped through the remains of the Seventh Plate.

The ring of steel on stone rang out.

The crowd gasped collectively.

The man who'd been trying to execute him roared in outrage.

And overtop of it all, there was the familiar whir of helicopter blades cutting through the still air; orders beings shouted; and all that efficiency Reno knew so well. Finally, he looked to the form covering him. A bald head stirred and rolled off of him and then he was being hauled to his feet.

"Rude..." Reno breathed.

"Yo, Reno. It's been a while."

Reno stared at his partner. A second ago he'd been ready to die. He'd known precisely what was going to happen. His body would twitch in every way his first kill had. Every muscle would go limp, he would simply be gone. He had felt bad for Tifa, that she would have to watch. He had felt bad that Cloud had been hurt again. He had even felt bad that Barrett had gotten involved. But he had failed to think of Rude, of Tseng or even Elena.

He had almost left this life never having said good bye, or thank you or told them they were his family. He couldn't even think what his last words to Rude would have been. Guilt, sorrow, shock– all burst out of him at once and he collapsed against Rude's chest, anguished sobs escaping him. Rude had to catch him since his wrist and ankles were still bound and he had no way to keep himself balanced.

They were still in the middle of the crowd, but Tseng, Elena and a whole host of other Turks surrounded them in a protective circle, kept them safe. Someone pulled Tifa and Cloud and Barrett into their protection as well, and when Tseng sent a few meaningful shots into the air the crowd began to disperse.

It was over. No one was hurt, with the exception of a still very injured Cloud. The other Turks took over and Tseng and Elena joined their friends. Tseng cut the bonds around Reno's wrists and the red head immediately used his hands to wrap around Rude and bury his head tighter into his chest. Elena hugged him from behind and Tseng put a hand on his shaking shoulder.

Tifa sat with Cloud's head in her lap watching. Barrett stood over her keeping a suspicious eye on the Turks and holding Cloud's sword. But it was over now, the Turks had found their own, and nothing would stop them from taking him home.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Note: This is not the end! Lots more to come so keep watching for updates!<strong>_

_**Thanks for all the amazing feedback! And I edited this one twice so hopefully I am teaching you propper grammar Katakana!**_

_**Until next time,**_

_**Riza.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_Tseng limped down the hallway on his crutches. He'd decided to take the extra couple days bedridden so his leg could heal up enough for him to move on crutches rather than a wheelchair. But he hated that he'd been out of commission for so long, so his first stop upon his release was his office. On his way down the hall, however, he noticed a light on in Rude's office. It was ten o'clock at night, well past closing time, so he stopped and looked in through the glass wall. He saw a red head of hair clutched tightly between two sets of hands. Reno was bent over a folder with a pained look on his face. _

_Tseng opened the door and stepped inside. The office had been rearranged to make space for a second desk that Reno could use until he was ready for his own space. Up until now, he hadn't really needed a desk and hung out in Tseng's office if he needed to, but he hadn't been required to do any paperwork. It was one of the things Rude had been supposed to get him to do while Tseng was in the hospital._

"_Tseng? You're out!" Reno jumped up from where he sat and moved a chair out for the director. "Here."_

"_Thank you, Reno." Reno took the director's crutches and leaned them against the wall. "How are you?"_

"_Good." The boy replied, hiding the obvious fatigue and stress in his voice._

"_Reno, what's wrong, why are you here so late?" Reno didn't answer right away but Tseng had already spotted the open report. "I thought Rude was supposed to help you with those."_

"_He did. He showed me how to do it."_

"_So, what's the problem then? Do you need me to go over it again?"_

_Tseng was a little surprised. Anything they'd ever shown Reno he picked it up first try. He was quite gifted that way._

"_Well...I understand what Rude told me..." Tseng read the embarrassment in the boy's eyes and realized his mistake. _

"_You can't read, can you?"_

_Reno scowled. "I can read!" He shot back offended. "I just never had to read crap like this or anything. Why would I?"_

"_Reno, I'm sorry, I should have thought–"_

"_I'm not dumb." Reno said rather childishly but still angry. He was sixteen but at the moment he looked about six._

"_Reno, I know you aren't. You are very intelligent. You just didn't have the same opportunities as some of us. So you can read some, can you?"_

"_Most stuff I thought...but there's a lot more to read up here."_

_Tseng nodded. "What about writing?"_

_Reno shook his head._

"_It's okay, Reno. We'll teach you. I just wish you'd told Rude earlier instead of sitting here half the night, he would have helped you."_

"_It's embarrassing, yo."_

"_Well, in future, embarrassing or not, you can tell me. Now go to bed. We'll start an hour earlier each day now. Come to my office first thing and we'll work on your reading_ _and writing._"

"_Thanks, Tseng."_

_Tseng just nodded. "Can you hand me my crutches?" Reno moved to get them but paused. "Reno?"_

"_Um...could you show me one thing tonight?"_

"_What is it?"_

"_Could you write my name down for me?"_

_Tseng nodded and Reno dropped the crutches for paper and pen. He handed them to Tseng who wrote Reno's name largely and clearly. "There you are, Reno."_

_Reno held the paper under the light and studied it for a moment. Then he crumpled it up and threw it away._

"_Is something wrong, Reno?"_

"_No." Reno grabbed another sheet of paper and put the pen to it. His motions were a little less fluid and neat than Tseng's, but when he handed the sheet back to Tseng, the director smiled, seeing clearly Reno's name staring back at him. _

"_I have a feeling you're going to do very well in our lessons, Reno." He handed the paper back to the teen and Reno grinned before pocketing it and grabbing Tseng's crutches. They left the office together._

"_Night, Director. See you in the morning." Reno said, running off, joy still flashing, unmasked, in those green eyes. But when he was alone, Tseng's own smile faltered. How many more times would he see those eyes before they were replaced by the cold, hardened ones that had stared back at him in that chopper? He sighed deep, staring at where Reno had gone."Good night, Reno."_

Tseng unlocked the hospital room door and stepped inside, promptly locking it again. He nearly blinked when he turned back to take in the room– white, everything was white. White walls, white floor, white light, a bed of white plastic and a young man clad in white scrubs, sitting in the centre of ruffled white sheets and hugging his face into his knees, white cast closed over one arm. But poking out among all the white brightness, was a mess of red locks.

"Reno." Tseng approached the bed. This was the first he'd been to see Reno since he'd been moved form the emergency facilities the day before. There was no equipment in the room. This was a room designed so that the one locked inside could do himself no harm. As far as Tseng knew, Reno had not attempted suicide, but clearly the psychiatrist had his concerns.

"Reno." Tseng repeated, now laying a hand on Reno's shoulder. Slowly the pale face drew away from his knees and turned to face Tseng. It was still very discoloured by bruises and cuts but mostly Tseng noted his blood shot and red rimmed eyes.

"Director..."

"Reno, are you okay?"

Tseng knew how stupid it sounded but didn't really know what else to say. He'd been able to get some information from Tifa and the doctors warned him that Reno was not taking his return to Shinra well, but nothing prepared him for this. Reno stared back at him for a few seconds before turning his face back into his knees and gripping them tighter. His whole body began to trembled and Tseng heard the sharp intakes of breath that hailed the pain-filled outlet of tears.

After a moment, Tseng reached a hand to Reno's head and rested it there. He didn't know what to do, he wished Rude was here. No one would ever guess the large Turk to be the best equipped among them to comfort others but he was– he had so naturally comforted Reno and held onto him the entire way home from Sector Six, keeping him breathing as steadily as possible.

Tseng wished he could make the excuse that Rude knew Reno better but really he himself knew the red head best. He had been there since day one. He had brought Reno from his life in the slums into this. No one else had been there every step of the way. So then how could he stand here now, having absolutely no idea how to comfort his young comrade?

Ah, that was right. The guilt. His guilt– over what he'd made Reno into, over what Reno had gone through– would always stand between them.

He moved his hand down to Reno's back and rubbed up and down like a parent would for a child. "Reno, it's okay." He said, feeling lost and useless.

"No it isn't." He made out past the sobbing and the knees. "It isn't because you were never supposed to see."

"Never supposed to see what?"

"Me crying."

"Reno..." and then his hand clenched on Reno's shoulder because he saw the young sixteen year old face that had stared back at him that day in the chopper, covered in the blood of his first kill, but dry eyed. Those green eyes had hardened because all Reno had ever seen was Tseng do his job cooly and efficiently and never let his emotions show.

So Reno had learned to do the same. And the first time Tseng had seen him cry was on that ER table when he was beaten so badly that Tseng himself had nearly lost control. He'd wanted to punch the wall. He'd wanted to scream. And yes, he'd wanted to cry. Because it was his fault. He should have left Reno in the slums. He should have dropped the plate himself. He should have known that even Reno couldn't hold this pain back. He should have seen the signs.

"Reno!" Tseng said angrily this time, though the anger was directed at himself. "For God's sake Reno if you can't cry in front of me who can you cry with?"

Reno just kept crying. Tseng was starting to get concerned, he didn't think he'd ever seen anyone cry quite this hard.

Eventually he realized it would take more to prove his point. He sat on the end of the bed and pried the fingers of Reno's unbroken hand away from his knees and simply held it. But the gesture seemed to reach the other who gripped back, almost desperately.

"Reno, I wish you had come to me. I wish I had let you know that you could always come to me."

He couldn't even tell if Reno heard him.

"Reno, what is it? Why are you crying so hard?"

"I don't know." Reno practically shouted the words because he had to force them overtop of the endless sobs. His casted arm slid from his knees to his stomach and though his face was still pressed into his knees Tseng could sort of see him now.

"Are you in pain?" He asked, seeing how the fingers of Reno's broken arm knotted into the front of his shirt.

"My stomach." Reno managed.

"Are you going to be sick?"

"No."

Then Tseng remembered the bruises. They were some of the worst he'd ever seen and they covered Reno's torso. Anger had boiled through him, knowing who's metal fist had caused the damage, but he also knew that inexplicably, the same person, along with two other highly unlikely people, had risked their lives to come to Reno's rescue. In fact, Barrett, Tifa and Cloud had given the Turks just enough time to get there.

"Why don't you try to ly back."

Reno shook his head against his knees.

Tseng wanted to tell him he needed to calm down or he would probably pass out, but he was afraid to say anything that would make Reno think it was wrong to cry.

"Reno...I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I gave the order. I'm so sorry that you went alone, and that you've had to go through all of this alone."

If possible, Reno started to cry harder. Tseng felt horrible because he'd just made things worse.

"Reno, what is it? I didn't mean to upset you more."

"Tseng...I can't ever take it back." Reno answered desperately. "I can't ever take it back!" His voice was becoming more frantic and less clear. "It hurts so much," he sobbed and gripped Tseng's hand so tight the other winced, but he grabbed hold of it with both hands now, leaning close to hear past the tears. "It hurts so much inside that I feel like I'm going to die. And it won't ever go away. It can't, because I don't deserve it to go away."

"The doctors are going to help you."

"They can't! I have to feel this! It's the price I have to pay!"

"No, Reno, no it's not. You have to let the doctors help so you can get over this. Don't you want to be with the Turks again?"

"Of course I do! But I can't like this! And I don't deserve to get what I want!"

"Stop saying that! Stop saying what you deserve! That's not the world we live in, people don't get what they deserve, they make their choices and life goes on, for good or for bad. You're life _will _go on, Reno."

"I know..."

But the words were forlorn and not reassuring. Tseng felt sick. Reno had been in the emergency room for tests all day yesterday but it had all be so fast and Reno was in a sort of state of shock that he hadn't seen any of this. Even when he'd cried with Rude it had been different from this.

And everything Reno said bit so deep. Tseng had sacrificed much of his conscience years ago, and Reno seemed to have too, but not when faced with the magnitude of killing hundreds if not thousands. And just like Reno said, it was absolutely unerasable, inescapable.

The door opened and Tseng looked up to see the doctor flanked by an attendant on each side.

"Uh oh, seems like we need to adjust your medication." The doctor– not Meyer, he was strictly removed from Reno's case– spoke in friendly, if not patronising, terms, even though Reno did not acknowledge him.

"It's me, Doctor Heine, Reno, we met late last night, you were very tired. Do you remember?"

Still nothing but sobs. Heine turned to Tseng.

"Sorry Director, these sorts of medications are very tricky. We're dealing with brain chemistry along with other factors of the body and it makes it very difficult to judge the dose or what type of drug will work best for each person."

"So he needs a stronger dose?"

The doctor had a chart in his hand and flipped through it. "Has he been like this for a while?"

Tseng nodded.

"Then no, I will try another medication. This might actually be a negative side effect from the drug I gave him last night and this morning. It can sometimes enhance depression and anxiety."

"So this might go away with new medication?"

"I'm afraid it's too difficult to tell. But I will start him on a different treatment right away. Hopefully it will suit him better. Did you hear that Reno?"

The other didn't respond and the doctor nodded for Tseng to step back.

The director, however, didn't move right away. "What?"

"He didn't react well to us injecting him this morning. It's best if you let us handle this."

Tseng wanted to argue and tell the doctor he was a Turk and could handle it, but realized maybe it was best for Reno so he stepped back, pulling his hand from Reno's. The attendants moved in, one on either side of the bed. They waited to see his reaction before touching him, however.

"Reno," the doctor began in his friendly voice. "I need you to stay still for just a second okay?"

Of course, Reno was still shaking but the doctor put one hand on his shoulder to try to steady it then brought the needle in.

Reno's reaction was instantaneous. The way he'd been sitting gave him leverage, and he pushed off the bed with his legs and with the speed of a Turk. The orderlies made a grab for him and a mad struggle ensued. Reno got his good arm free but this resulted in him falling harder into the other orderly who attempted to get him in a headlock without getting a cast in his face. Reno kicked against the bed, which he was still half on but the other attendant got his feet.

"No, no drugs!" Reno screamed, no sobs anymore, this was fury and desperation. He struggled with strength greater than what Tseng thought he had. He stood rooted, wanting to interfere but he didn't want to betray Reno's trust by doing something to him against his will.

Reno continued to scream and struggle as he was held in the awkward position half on- half off the bed. His clothes were pulled askew and Tseng could see the terrible dark bruises on his stomach and his frantic inhalations characterized by the rapid constrictions of his abdominal.

Reno got a foot free and used it to push against the bed, successfully freeing the other foot and giving him enough leverage to shove the orderly holding his head, into the wall behind him. It was a good move, but the man holding him was at least twice his weight and wasn't toppled. Exasperated, the orderly forced Reno onto the ground face first, as gently as he could but inevitably with some force. The walls and floors were lightly padded in here so the damage was minimal. Reno still fought with everything, though, even when he was held firmly down by a hand on the back of his neck and a knee firmly against his lower back.

"No don't! I can't take them! You can't make it go away, I don't deserve it! No don't! Stop!"

He cried out when the needle went into his neck. He was immediately released, but didn't get up, he just lay where he'd been left and cried softly in frustration. Tseng knelt next to him.

"Reno, it's alright."

"No Tseng, I don't want them."

"You need them."

"No."

"I want you to try. I want you to get better."

"Tseng?"

"Yeah?"

"You want me to be a Turk again?"

Tseng hesitated as Reno's eyes bored into him from the floor. It was the first time he'd looked directly at him since he'd entered– since he'd seen him for the first time in months. He read the need there, he saw what hinged on this answer. He swallowed back the director in him, the Turk, the sense of distance and pride. His eyes were as serious as ever though, when he answered.

"No, not just that, Reno, I need you to get better because you're one of the few people left alive in this world that I consider family."

Reno shut his eyes. He continued to cry, but there was a relieved edge to these tears, and Tseng knew he'd passed his test. He lifted Reno up from the floor and got him sitting up enough to hold onto him, leaning back against the side of the dishevelled bed. He kept one arm behind his shoulders and one across his front in a sort of sideways hug that Reno fell into completely, turning so his face was in Tseng's shoulder.

"I have more medicine for him." Dr. Heine said softly, then turned to Reno. "It's for the pain and some antibiotics in case you have any infections from being down below." Reno still didn't look at him. "Can I give them to you?"

When no answer came, Tseng tried. "Reno, can you give the doctor your arm so he can give you the medicine?"

He gently pulled Reno's arm out and eventually felt just the slightest nod from Reno. The doctor gave him two injections with no reaction at all. Shortly after, Reno quieted down, quite exhausted now and the combination of different medications swirling inside him. The doctor had Tseng hold onto him for a little longer so he could conduct a few more tests from their position on the floor.

Tseng gently pulled Reno's face from his shoulder so the doctor could check his pupils and his tracking. He also checked his pulse and blood pressure and listened to his heart then they helped him back onto the bed. The doctor lifted his shirt to examin the bruises. He had some sort of cream that he rubbed over them and Reno flinched slightly but was rapidly descending into sleep.

"How do you feel?" The doctor asked his drowsy patient while he still could.

"Tired."

"How is your stomach?"

"It hurts."

"Can you feel the pain medication working at all?"

Reno nodded.

"Okay then, get some rest, Reno, I'll be back later."

He pulled Reno's shirt back down and pulled the sheet up over him.

"I'll be in my office if you wish to speak with me." The doctor said to Tseng quietly as he left. The Director nodded but remained fixed at Reno's side. He stayed for a long time after Reno fell asleep.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Reno's road to recovery is no where near over, but it won't just be him who has to to do some self-reflecting, hope you can all stick it out with him too! Thanks for reading and reviewing, hope to post more soon!<strong>_

_**Riza.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_Reno woke to a gentle, rhythmic motion of up and down. His face was resting on something smooth a clean and he could hear steady breathing very near to him._

"_You awake again?" Rude asked him and he remembered where he was. _

_He had done everything Rude had told him not to. He had gunned the car down a street Rude told him was too rough and blown a tire, forcing them to walk the rest of the way to their destination. _

_He had gone down the unstable part of the old Shinra facility they were sent to investigate even though Rude had told him it was too dangerous. _

_He had then stepped in a puddle of something that began eating through his shoes and been forced to pull them off. Then he'd walked over a grate barefoot, unaware that steam had just released there and heated the metal. He'd yelped as the grate burned into his feet, jumped forward, stumbled and landed on his face. _

_When Rude found him he had grate patterned burns on the bottoms of his bare feet and grate-pattered cuts_ _on one side of his face. When he pulled him up he couldn't even stand for the pain in his feet and the dizziness from the concussion. _

_So now here he was getting a piggy back ride home to Shinra. He was nineteen years old_ _and he felt more like a child than he had when he'd joined Shinra three years earlier._

"_Don't let anyone see me like this." He moaned into Rude's shoulder. "Specially the Director and Cisnei..."_

"_I think that's the least of your worries, Reno."_

"_Wha d'ya mean?"_

"_You managed to beat yourself up pretty good on a routine investigation when we weren't even fighting anyone_. _When we get back, I'm taking you straight down to the clinic."_

"_I'm sorry, Rude."_

_Rude paused in his stride, partly to catch his breath and partly in shock._

"_What was that?"_

"_I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."_

_His partner must have hit his head harder than Rude thought."Well, listen next time then."_

"_Okay."_

_Rude smiled and continued on. Another ten minutes and they were in the Shinra building._

"_Sir? Sir, should I call for a stretcher?" Someone shouted._

"_No, I've got it, I'll take him myself."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes." _

_But Reno had tuned out of this conversation, and was staring at a blond woman who looked critically back at them. She didn't think he could hear but he distinctly heard her whisper to one of the security guards_

"_Please tell me those guys aren't Turks."_

_The blond woman became a blur soon after and he didn't remember arriving at the clinic._

* * *

><p>"They restrained him?" Rude said, not hiding his anger as he stood above his partner's bed. Reno was asleep, but now padded leather straps held his feet and wrists close to the bed with little give.<p>

"The doctor just informed me." Tseng responded. "He had quite a bad reaction to being given the medication a few hours ago and the doctor thought it would be best to restrain him until they get the right dose figured out. It will only be for a short while, Rude."

"So you agree with them?"

"It could save him from hurting himself further. And his stomach needs time to heal."

"Hm." Rude was clearly not happy about it but lay a hand on Reno's forehead as he slept. "I thought when we found him, it would be over."

"Everyone wanted that."

"We failed him, Director."

"I know." They were silent for a while. "I'll leave you with him then," Tseng said finally and left.

It was some time before Reno woke. He was drowsy still, the meds keeping him subdued. He saw Rude and smiled slightly but closed his eyes, like he was still dreaming. Eventually he pulled out of his grogginess and sat up as much as he could, discovering that he was tied down.

"Hey Rude, what's going on?"

"Doctor's orders."

"Come on, take em off."

Rude said nothing but moved to do as Reno asked. Reno raised an eyebrow but said nothing until he was actually free.

"Wow, Rude, that didn't take much convincing."

"It's not like I couldn't stop you from doing anything the state you're in right now."

Reno eyed him. "Is that a challenge?"

"No partner. Not until you're better."

"Yeah." Reno was sitting cross legged on the bed. There was no chair in the room so Rude sat next to him. "I'm not going to commit suicide." Reno said and Rude looked up sharply.

"Come on Rude, I know it's why they've locked me up in here. And I'm not going to run away from Shinra again either."

"You can't control that– you don't even remember how you got to sector six the first time."

Reno narrowed his eyes. "How do you know that? No one's even asked me about my time away yet."

"Tifa told us."

"Tifa..." two days ago he'd been at the bar with them. Now it seemed like two years. He sank a little where he sat. "You captured them, didn't you?"

"No, Reno, we rescued them when we rescued you. They aren't our prisoners."

"But Rufus could order you to lock them up anytime."

"He won't. Cloud saved us all from Sephiroth right? He won't be touched. And neither will Tifa or Barrett."

"Where are they?"

"In the intensive care unit. Cloud was hurt pretty badly, but he'll make a full recovery now that he's here. The other two are fine, they're with him."

"Can I see them?"

"I don't know, I'll have to ask."

"Okay."

"Reno."

"Yeah?"

"Why _did _you run away?"

Reno looked to him and was startled to see the sunglasses gone from his face. "I didn't mean to, it just happened."

"Then why didn't you contact us? Did Cloud hold you prisoner? Did they keep you hidden on purpose?"

"No, I– " he read the hurt in Rude's eyes and wished those glasses were back in place. "I didn't want to be found, Rude. They just helped me."

"Why Reno? Why did you hide from us? Why wouldn't you come to me for help?"

Reno was speechless for a few moments. Then he hung his head. "I didn't want to be kicked out of the Turks."

Rude rose at once, fist clenched. "How can you say that?"

"Rude, I–"

"How could you think I wouldn't help you? You think I would let them kick you out? You think Tseng would? Or even if Rufus himself gave the order you don't think I'd go with you? Take care of you? You're my fucking brother!" His shouting silenced Reno for a few seconds before he tried to speak.

"Rude...I just–"

"Do you have to use the washroom?" his partner was all calm now, he put his glasses back on.

"Wh-what?"

"Do you?"

"N-no."

Rude grabbed one of the ankle restraints and stared at Reno. Slowly Reno uncrossed his legs and stretched them out. Rude began strapping him back in.

"Rude don't do this. Don't leave like this." Rude said nothing, just moved to his other ankle. "Rude, please, don't be mad."

But his ankle was secured and Rude took one of his wrists and forced him to ly back.

"Please...Rude..." Reno began to cry when Rude slipped the strap around his wrist, leaning over him, but not even looking at him. "Rude...please don't hate me." The words came out so softly, so desperate and pathetic. He shook with sobs and barely noticed that his wrist was let go. He just covered his face with both hands and sobbed desperately. He was pulled back up into a sitting position and strong arms enveloped him. He didn't move. He just cried into Rude's chest. Rude's chin rested on his head and his hands clenched against his back.

"Reno...I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I hate myself." He said gently next to his partner's ear.

"Why?" He sobbed out.

"Because I should have protected you. You're my partner. I failed you."

"No you didn't." Reno murmured, sobbing a little more quietly now.

"I did, and now I'm failing you again because I can't stand this. I can't stand that you're still hurting because we all let you down."

They sat for a long time like that until Reno calmed down again. Rude started to withdraw but Reno caught his sleeve.

"Please Rude...I don't want to be in here all alone. I want to go home. Can't I just go back to my own room?"

Rude sat back down and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's safer for you here."

Reno slowly let go of Rude's sleeve and nodded, subdued. Rude sighed and reached back to undo his ankle straps again.

"What are you doing, Rude?"

"I won't leave you alone in here, partner. Why don't you stretch your legs while you can? Here." He put a hand around Reno's shoulders and helped him off the bed. Reno was a bit shaky, his system was out of wack from the drugs but Rude kept him steady enough. Reno held his arm tight.

"Thanks, Rude."

* * *

><p><strong><em>sorry for the long wait but I've been working every day for about five weeks, so when that stops should get more posted faster. Thanks for the reviews thus far, and as to wether I like Reno and Elena together, I've always found Elena a bit of a flat character, but I try to like her and make her into a likeable character. I don't see her and Reno as a couple, but I do see them as friends. I hope you will like how I portray her in the next chapter. Thanks,<em>**

**_Riza._**


	12. Chapter 12

"_Stop messing around, Reno. You're going to hurt yourself worse." Rude criticized from his desk while Reno did tricks in his wheelchair in front of him._

"_But I'm bored."_

"_I thought you said you were going to start listening to me."_

"_I don't remember that."_

"_How convenient."_

_Reno smiled at him. "Well I'm still bored."_

"_Well, you should have thought of that before you took off your shoes in an old mako testing facility."_

"_I didn't burn my feet on purpose, yo!"_

"_Fine, then why don't you use this time to catch up on paper work."_

_Reno let his head fall back dramatically. "You're no fun at all, Rude. Besides, I think I still need some practice with my wheels."_

_Rude watched him tilt the chair back at a precarious angle._

"_Reno please, you just got over a concussion, if you hit your head again–"_

_Reno's hand slipped and he caught Rude's panicked look as he fell back. He waited for the strike but suddenly found himself motionless, suspended at an impossible angle in the air._

"_Well hello, blondie." He smiled up at the small woman who had caught his chair just in time. She stared down at him for a moment before righting him. _

"_I'm looking for the Turks." she said unenthusiastically because deep down she knew she'd found them._

"_That's us, honey." Reno piped up. _

"_That's what I was afraid of." He shot her an offended glance but Rude intervened. _

"_You're probably looking for Tseng's office, right?"_

"_Yes, the Director wanted me to report directly to him."_

"_I'll show you the way."_

"_Hey, wait!" Reno called as they headed for the door. "Why are you going to see Tseng?"_

"_I work for him now."_

"_You do?"_

"_I'm the newest Turk. Nice to meet you, my name is Elena."_

_She didn't wait to hear his name and he just stared after them as they left. "Hey wait!" He called and she paused outside the office. It had glass walls on the side facing the hallway and though they blocked most noise she paused and looked back in on him. "Thanks for the save!" He hollered._

_She smiled and kept on going._

* * *

><p>Elena nervously entered the room. She had been afraid to come all day. It was evening now and the doctor was not happy that she wanted to go because Reno had already had two visitors that day and was exhausted but she wouldn't take no for an answer and so she'd gotten inside.<p>

The lights were off but she could see he was awake so she turned them back on.

"Hey, Reno."

"Hey, Elena." He sounded tired but sat up by way of greeting. Her eyes fell to the straps. "It's okay." he whispered slyly. "Rude let me out of them for most of the day."

"That's good. How are you feeling?"

"Better. The doctor thinks he has the right dose of medication now."

"Oh good." Her voice was off and it was easy to tell she was nervous. He smiled.

"It's okay, Elena, I'm not going to go crazy on you."

"You're already crazy, Reno." She smiled at him and he grinned.

"Yeah, I am that. But so are you, all Turks are."

"True enough."

"I brought you some pudding."

"Oo, the stuff I like from the vending machine?"

"Yeah, I tried to think of something better but its what you always get so–"

"It's great." She smiled and opened the container she'd brought and pulled out the spoon. She looked at his strapped down hands but he just opened his mouth so she filled her spoon and placed it in his mouth. She spoon fed him in silence until her spoon was scraping the plastic bottom.

"Thanks." Reno said.

"You're welcome."

"Elena?" her face was strange.

"I should go, Reno, the doctor didn't want me disturbing you anyway."

"Oh, okay."

"Good night."

"Night."

Elena turned out the light and left. She made it a few feet down the hall before dropping the spoon and empty container and curling in on herself in silent tears.

* * *

><p><em>Reno walked down the long corridor to Rufus Shinra's office. He ran a hand through his hair, so much had happened.<em> _All the stuff with that group called Avalanche and then the President was killed...and Rufus was in charge._

_Everyone was stressed. He opened the door and slid inside, not knocking, not even thinking to because he never knocked. Rufus used to scold him but he'd given up a long time ago. Their relationship was strange, beginning rather roughly, but they were about the same age and had spent a lot of time together since then and each had saved the other's life more than once, so after everything, he supposed they were friends. _

_So he stopped short when he saw Rufus bent over in his chair, staring at a small object that he fiddled with in his hands. The lights were off and the only light was what streamed in from the large office windows. When the door shut, Rufus's head shot up. He tensed but then seemed to relax seeing who it was._

"_Oh Reno, it's you."_

"_Hi Boss, uh, I can come back later if you want."_

_Rufus shook his head no, but just turned back to the object in his hand. Reno moved closer to the desk when Rufus still didn't move and took a seat on the edge and stared down at the young man in the chair. _

"_Is that the watch I stole?" Reno asked when he saw what Rufus was holding._

"_It is." Rufus said, finally sitting back. "But I got it back, didn't I?"_

"_Don't I know it." Reno said jokingly, but rubbing his arm at the memory. It still ached sometimes, especially on drizzly, dark days like this one._

"_It's funny isn't it? How life turns out."_

"_Yeah."_

"_This was a gift from my father when I was very young. In fact, I asked him for it. He had gotten a new one, and this one was older and less valuable. I had better ones he had already given me, but I wanted this one. He wondered why, and I just said I liked it. I think he thought it was silly but he gave it to me. I wanted it because it had been his, because he wore it everyday for so long. And then I forgot why I wore it. Until you stole if from me, that is, and I wanted it back so desperately. But then I forgot again. And I wore this when I betrayed him. I was wearing this when I saw his body. And it took all that to make me remember, once again, why I wanted this watch so badly."_

_Reno listened in silence. It was a difficult situation. Everyone knew how messed up the relationship between Rufus and his father had been. Not many were particularly sad that the bastard was gone. And Rufus had so calmly swept in to take his place. But right now, the man who sat before Reno was nothing more than a son full of sorrow and regret._

"_Yo Rufus, it's a nice watch, man."_

"_Thank you, Reno."_

"_Come on, let's go."_

_Rufus looked up at him. He wasn't aware of any scheduled meetings for the day._

"_Where?"_

_Reno shrugged. "I dunno, somewhere other than this place." It had been in this room that President Shinra's body had been discovered just a few days earlier. "Let's go for a helicopter ride, it's a nice day."_

"_Reno, it's raining."_

_Reno shrugged. "I like flying, any day is a nice day long as the winds stay down."_

_Rufus gave him a flat look but stood. He slipped on his watch and Reno slid off the desk. _

_So much was happening. So much had to be done. But once they left the ground, there was nothing they could do about the world below. They were timeless, burden free. The sky had no demands, no restrictions. So, just for a while, they escaped reality._

* * *

><p>Three days passed. Reno hadn't yet been allowed to see Tifa, or rather, the other way around because Tifa would have to come to him. And she was very busy at the moment, the doctors wanted every detail possible about Reno's stay with her and Cloud.<p>

Rufus has sat in on some of the conversations. He'd gotten an idea of what Reno's life had been like and the ways in which his mind had slipped. He walked confidently into Reno's room, covering the worry that was etched deep inside him.

"RU..fus..."

"Expecting Rude?"

"Sorry. Nice to see you, boss. Any chance you've come to get me out of these?"

He pulled on his restraints.

"I'm afraid not."

"I swear I won't leave or do anything."

"I put my trust in the doctors, you should too."

"I'm so bored."

"You are supposed to be resting."

"But this is just making me _restless_. Seriously, boss, why don't you try it? I'll get up and you lay here and I'll strap you in and leave you here for _three_ _days_. Then we'll see if you're bored."

Rufus smiled. "Reno, I don't _need_ to be strapped to a bed for three days because I haven't been missing for weeks and I don't need to be on bed rest from my wounds and medication."

"I can do all the resting I need without these straps. In fact, I can do all of that from my own bed."

"Reno, drop it."

Reno flopped back on the bed in frustration and pulled against his wrist restraints out of habit. Rufus could see bruises around his right wrist– the other was of course protected by the cast.

"Reno, stop pulling on them, you're hurting yourself." He saw similar bruises on his ankles.

"I don't mean to." Reno said. "But its like picking at a scab, I can't help it, I just want it off."

"I know, be patient."

"Not my strength, yo. Can't I have a tv or a book or something?"

Rufus shook his head.

"Why not? I'm strapped to the bed, what could I do?"

"I don't know, you're the Turk. You're supposed to be an expert at these things, that's why they're being so strict."

Reno made a frustrated noise.

"Well at least your medication seems to be working better." Reno stiffened slightly at the mention of this. Rufus noticed and continued. "I heard you were being resistant."

"I don't want to talk about it." Reno said, suddenly demure and turned his face away from Rufus.

"Okay, Reno, that's what I'm paying the doctors for anyway. But you know, the sooner you accept it, the sooner they'll let you out of those straps."

Rufus didn't see the look that crossed Reno's face. He didn't realize his mistake. He just clapped Reno on the shoulder with the instruction to get better and left.

"Thanks...boss."

* * *

><p><em><strong>So sorry for the confusion earlier, yes I did accidentally upload a chapter from one of my Bleach fics, here's the real deal, enjoy!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	13. Chapter 13

Reno flinched when the needle pushed into his skin. He hated this. Even though he was strapped down the doctor still had two men hold his shoulders from behind his propped up bed while he was given his three morning needles. At least the antibiotics was only once a day, and the painkillers were only once in the morning and once at night, just until his stomach got better. But it was the other needle that bothered him and they knew it.

"Steady." The doctor said but Reno strained against their hold. "Reno, please don't fight."

He always gave the pain meds first because they temporarily made Reno groggy and it was easier to give him the other two.

"It's my instincts to fight when someone's restraining me." He said aggravated, "Please, just let go."

"Just a couple more minutes, Reno. I don't like to shock your system with so many drugs at once, just give the pain meds a second to work."

"So I'll go out of it and you can pump me full of whatever you want. Don't I have rights or something? I don't want your thugs touching me and I don't want that shit in me."

"Reno, why are you so agitated this morning?"

_Why?_ Reno thought, _because I didn't sleep a wink last night waiting for this moment when I would prove to you that I was sane enough to take these damn things off and now you've pissed me off and ruined those chances and I might as well just let it all out now! _Reno didn't voice his inner tirade, but it spurred on his anger.

"I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, oh wait, I'm strapped to the fucking thing and I'm stiff as shit from not being able to move around. How is this good for me? No wonder I chose the slums over here when I needed help, they at least don't fucking torture you there for no good reason!"

"Reno, you're still wounded from your time there and they nearly killed you. You can't possible want to return there."

"No, I can't because you're right, they will kill me, but I said _for no good reason_. They have a pretty damn good reason don't you think?"

"Do you really want to know what I think?"

Reno froze at the doctor's words, not expecting him to respond. "What?"

"I think you hate yourself, Reno, so much so that you want to make yourself suffer. So you're letting your anger come at times when it can hurt you. Like now. You want to be free but you don't at the same time. The self loathing makes you dangerous Reno, to yourself and others, and so I need to keep you strapped to this bed until it's gone."

"What? No! I'll have therapy, why haven't I had therapy? Let me talk it out of my system just don't tie me to this fucking bed for one more day!"

He fought in the guards' hold with renewed strength. "Don't give me that shit. I don't want it. I don't want anything from you! I want another doctor! Get Tseng! Get Rufus! Tell them I want to see them! Get away from me with that!"

The needle was poised over his arm but he was still struggling too much for them to get it in.

"Tighten his straps." The doctor ordered and backed off for the moment. They did his ankles first so there was no longer any give and they pressed tightly into the mattress. Then they moved to his wrists. Reno watched them both, waiting for one to make the mistake.

Ah, the one on the right. The orderly leaned too far in and Reno head butted him immediately. It had been a bad angle and Reno cut his own forehead but didn't pay any attention. The man reeled back, but Reno's wrist wasn't free. He growled in frustration and his left wrist was pulled down tight on his other side. It created a painful angle between the edge of his cast and his upper arm. The limb was twisted slightly but he didn't feel anything until the doctor held his needle out and ordered the attendant to grab that arm.

"This will sedate him," he heard the doctor say before an explosion of pain rocked him. It literally stole his breath and once again he saw those white lights bursting as if behind his very eyeballs.

His scream ripped out of him only when his lungs managed to fill again. He fell back completely against the bed, immobilized and vaguely wondered how bad this would feel had he not been given pain killers earlier. The pain only ended when the man released his arm and still a powerful throb remained. He didn't know quite what had happened. The weird angle, then the added pressure on the old damaged nerves from the severe breaks that first day he'd met the Turks. He closed his eyes and gasped again.

"Rude..." he moaned in pain. Blood oozed down his forehead and sweat covered him, pooling at the centre of his prominent collar bone. "Oh shit...Rude, I need help..." he was half delirious from the shock and pain of it. The doctor was shocked as well. The attendant however, took this opportunity to tighten the straps on his right arm.

"What happened, Reno?" The doctor asked approaching him now that it was a bit safer.

"My arm..., doc, where's Rude?"

"I barely touched him." The orderly defended.

The doctor looked at the cast but it was fine and his fingers looked normal. Circulation was good, so he bent closer and saw the scars from the old break. With Turks it was impossible to know off-hand what injuries they'd had in their past. He reached out to straighten the limb a bit and Reno clenched his teeth, hissing in pain.

"An old injury?"

Reno didn't answer, his eyes were screwed shut, he didn't even seem to remember just what was going on.

"Get the Director." The doctor ordered.

"Sir, you should take this opportunity to give him his dose."

"Oh, yes." The doctor moved to the other arm and gave both needles quickly. The attendant who'd been head butted stood up and the other left to get Tseng.

* * *

><p>Tears and sweat and blood covered Reno's face and the fury of the large man behind Tseng couldn't have been clearer. Rude stayed in place only on Tseng's orders.<p>

"Explain this." Tseng said, deadly calm, which was all the more terrifying. The doctor did. They listened to the story painfully. When he explained about his arm both Turks instantly seemed to understand.

Tseng finally nodded and Rude rushed to Reno's side. His hands and feet were taught against the mattress. He just lay motionless in the centre of the bed, staring slightly off to one side.

"Reno."

"He went quiet like that just when they went to get you." the orderly hovering nearby with a broken nose said.

"What do you mean? Reno, come on, look at me."

But his eyes were unfocussed, miles away, and he didn't seem to even be aware of the tears that fell out of his eyes slowly but persistently, one after one...

"Reno, wake up!" Rude grabbed his shoulders. "RENO!"

"_RENO!"_

_Rude was running full tilt at the scream. He'd lost sight of Reno in the skirmish. Stupid punks had attacked them but it wasn't much of a fight, they had Turk training on their side. That's why his heart pounded when he heard Reno's repeating, hoarse, cries._

_He rounded a corner and saw why. Someone had managed to get Reno's arm up his back and push him into their car to restrain him. Rude winced as his partner screamed again, knowing that they must have been holding him just right to trigger the damaged nerves into firing painfully. His EMR in hand, he ran full speed at the attacker. _

_The man saw Rude and dropped Reno at once, running for his life. Reno collapsed to the ground next to the dented car._

"_Reno!" He pulled his partner up. Grit stuck to his sweat plastered face and he swallowed convulsively while clutching his arm. "Reno, you look like you're going to– "_

_Hot vomit spewed down his arm and onto the pavement. Reno sagged in his grip._

"_Oh shit." Rude said, looking at the mess on his suit and on Reno's. "Great."_

"_Sorry..." Reno panted, teeth still set in pain. "I think I'm going to pass out now."_

"_At least we're already at the car."_

_Rude grinned but Reno's eyes widened._

"_Rude!" He tried to shove his partner down but it was useless. The punks hadn't left them alone at all, they'd gotten more friends. Damn, next time he'd park in a better neighbourhood. Someone had gotten Reno's EMR and Rude fell in a heap across Reno's legs. He stared up at the gang around them now, street kids, not very old, the oldest was probably about his own age._

"_You little punk!" He shouted in outrage, though it was him who sat on the ground covered in vomit and his legs pinned under his partner._

"_Hey! Watch who you're talking to." The teen who'd struck Rude said stepping closer. "Couple a Turks'd fetch a fine ransom and we're all hungry."_

_Reno should have been able to sympathize but not with his bleeding partner in his lap. _

"_Shut up, you little brat!"_

"_Brat?" The kid sprung forward and grabbed Reno's shirt, pulling him close to his face. "Who you calling Brat?"_

_Reno grinned. "Here's a lesson for you, brat: Never, get this close, to a Turk." _

_The boy stumbled back from the head butt and suddenly felt the cool metal end of the EMR against his back. There was a click and a hum and he screamed, landing on the ground._

_The rod pressed into him again and he flinched but the pain didn't come again, not yet._

"_You kids want to see me fry your little punk leader?"_

_They shook their heads terrified. "Then run."_

"_You'll kill him!" One of them protested. He let a shock ripple through the boy on the ground again and he yelped out._

"_I'll only kill him if you don't all am scram right now!"_

_The group dispersed at once. Reno pulled the rod back and turned to Rude. He heard the kid whimper and stand up._

"_You're just going to let me go?"_

"_Run."_

_There wasn't another word. Reno put his arms under Rude, wincing at putting pressure on his bad one, and lifted him off the ground. His heart was pounding, he supposed it was pain and adrenaline. He lay Rude in the passenger seat and buckled him in. Then he got in the drivers side and took them home._

_He remembered Tseng's astonished face seeing them both as they hobbled in, Reno taking much of Rude's weight as he was barely conscious. Both were filthy but Reno was still fuming when he relinquished Rude over to stronger hands. Tseng took his arm and lead him down to the emergency facilities as well._

_Reno scowled the whole time he was cleaned up and treated. Tseng stood silently. When he was cleared, Reno still sat on the edge of the bed, shirtless, staring at the scars on his arm._

"_What is it?" Tseng finally asked._

"_My arm. They were able to hurt Rude cause of my fucking arm."_

"_Reno, he'll be alright."_

"_Still, I hate it."_

"_You're arm?"_

_Reno shook his head. "Being weak."_

"RENO!"

The figure in Rude's grasped jerked at the scream only inches from his face.

"Rude! What's wrong, are you okay?" Reno tried to reach for him but looked down to see his hands cuffed flat against the bed. Rude was staring at him in shock and his memories slowly returned to chronological order.

"Reno, you weren't responding. You were just sitting there for at least twenty minutes just staring."

"Oh..."

"Are you okay?"

"It's happened before." Reno said simply. "Rude, can you undo my arm, it's killing me."

Rude reached for the straps.

"Hey wait!" The orderly snapped. Rude peered at him over his sunglasses and he shut up. He released the strap and lifted Reno's arm up tentatively. Reno winced. The doctor approached with Tseng. He seemed a little more comfortable with two Turks than with his orderlies.

"Can you move it on your own?" Heine asked and Rude removed his support. Reno held it out and moved it around but lowered it quickly.

"I can move it but the weight of the cast makes it hurt in my upper arm."

"Here." The doctor took his arm and began rotating it. Reno didn't seem to think he could help and rested his head back on the pillow. Wordlessly, Tseng pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the blood off Reno's face, also dabbing up the last tear streaks.

"Thanks, Tseng." his voice was so quiet now. They knew he was probably exhausted. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I messed up. I freaked out, I didn't mean to, I was just tired and I didn't want them touching me. I don't want to be controlled like this Tseng. I want to be able to get out of bed. It's really uncomfortable laying here all day and I hate they can touch me and do whatever they want to me no matter what I say."

"I have done nothing unreasonable, Reno." Heine interjected. He set Reno's arm back down and began strapping it in again.

"No, please, I don't need them anymore." He didn't physically resist Heine though, afraid to make things worse. "Please, don't put it back on." he turned back to Tseng. "Please, Director, don't let them do this to me."

"What do you suggest, Reno?"

"I want a new doctor. I don't like him. Shinra has tons. Get a new doctor and let me out of these."

"Reno, you aren't going to like any doctor."

"But I _really _don't like him." He said looking to Heine. "He told me he isn't going to let me out of my restraints for really long time! That's why I got so upset this morning."

Tseng shot Heine a look. "It wasn't like that. I said you were dangerous." The Doctor defended.

"Well it didn't help." Reno said. "Why don't you let Dr. Meyer look at me?"

"He's lucky he isn't fired, I'm not letting him anywhere near you."

"But it's not his fault I blackmailed him."

"No."

"Fine, I don't care who my doctor is as long as I can move on my own. Please let me go, Tseng."

"I think Dr. Heine and I need to have a discussion, I'll return later Reno to let you know what we decide."

Reno bit his lip. "Tseng I can't stand it. Put a guard on me, I don't care, can you just let me out of them now?"

"You broke my man's nose while you were still strapped down. I don't think a guard is a good idea." Heine interjected.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK!" Reno screamed suddenly. Rude lay a hand on his shoulder. He sunk into the bed. "Rude please... tell them it will be alright."

"The Director knows how I feel." Rude said cooly and Reno knew his partner had already been fighting for him. "I'll stay with him while you two have your meeting." Rude said, eyes on Reno who understood.

"Fine." Tseng headed for the door and the doctor and his orderlies left as well. Rude gave it a minute before undoing the straps. Reno's reaction was not what he expected. Reno launched himself onto Rude and just clung to him.

"Rude don't let them strap me down again, please. I hate it, I hate it so much. I don't understand how this is supposed to help me."

"I know buddy, but it doesn't help when you fight them."

"I know but it's so hard."

Reno sank against Rude. "Are you okay, Reno?"

"Just tired..." He mumbled into the fabric of Rude's jacket.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Reno pulled back and looked at him.

"No Rude, don't let me pass out, I don't want to get back in that bed yet. Let me walk around."

Rude nodded. Reno walked over to the wall. He was shaking from fatigue but used the wall to support himself and began stretching out cramped muscles. Rude stood near the door so he could keep an eye on when the doctors were coming back.

"Feels so good..." Reno said as he stretched out his calf.

"You know Tseng will do what he can for you."

"I know. I wish they would just let you guard me."

"I already asked." Reno looked to him from his position stretching his thighs now.

"And?"

"The doctor said that as long as the Turks are around you will expect us to intervene when anything happens you don't like. It will make you think you have power over the doctor and undermine his treatments and authority."

"Wow, you reciting that or something?"

"They had to tell me several times before I would leave."

Reno grinned. "Thanks, partner." Reno finished his stretches and sighed, leaning back against the wall. His eyes were closed and Rude could see he was about ready to drop where he stood but then emerald eyes shot open again and he started pacing around the room. He was determined to make use of his secret freedom.

"Elena seemed really weird when she saw me last night." Reno commented.

"I know, she was upset to see you strapped down I guess." Rude didn't say that he had found her crumpled in the hallway crying. "You know, she gets emotional some times."

"Still a rookie." Reno said. "Ain't it sweet of her to be worried about me."

"She feels really bad that she went to the tavern where you were staying and didn't find you."

"Well it's not her fault. A quick sweep is all you can afford in a canvas and I was still hiding upstairs at that point."

"So you waited until you knew we were done before putting yourself in the public again?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it worked."

"Yeah..." Reno had worked his way around the room to Rude and stopped in front of him. "I'm exhausted."

"Then go to sleep."

"I don't want to..."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"Just stand here." He said and moved to lean against the wall face first. "Do my shoulders, will ya partner?"

Rude kept an eye on the door as he massaged through the tension in Reno's shoulders. Reno hissed at the pleasure-pain of it, Rude's grip burned it was so tight but his muscles relaxed so much better after. Rude worked his way down his shoulder blades and back. Reno very slowly was drifting asleep and eventually he was sliding down the wall.

"Bedtime." Rude said finally, pulling him back to his feet and guiding him to his bed. Reno vaguely protested but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Next chapture will feature some more action, sorry if it's been a bit slow! I hope to be updating again soo too!<em>**

**_Thanks for all the reviews! _**

**_Riza_**


	14. Chapter 14

Reno woke to a dark room. Tugging, he found himself restrained and looking to the slit of a window high above he could see it was night time. That meant he'd slept for the entire day. His bed had been flattened again and the straps were still tightened as far as they would go. He rolled his head to the side and stared at the door, mentally willing Rude or Tseng or Elena to come in and rescue him. Tseng had said he'd come back after the meeting, but he'd been asleep. What had they found out? What had been decided? Clearly not in favour of removing the straps.

"Hey." he called. "Hey, you out there!" He saw a shadow move behind the small visor window in the door. The guard that always stood outside while he was alone moved in, but only just over the threshold.

"What?"

"Do you know what they decided?"

"Who?"

"Heine and the Director."

"No."

"Well, what time is it?"

"Just after midnight."

"Well Tseng might still be up, can you call him?"

"You should be sleeping."

"I just slept all day!"

"No visitors at night."

"What?"

"Go to sleep."

"I just woke up, I can't go back to sleep."

"I'm sure you can if you try."

"No, I can't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Okay." The man entered and Reno was confused until he saw the dull glint of steel in the night.

"Wait...I can probably–"

"Sorry, buddy, I tried, but the doc said if you said you couldn't sleep to give you some help."

"I don't want sedatives." Reno said when the man braced his shoulder and prepared to inject him.

"Giving me a hard time won't help." He said sincerely, meeting Reno's eyes.

"I know. But just wait. Will you call the Director for me first thing in the morning?"

The guard nodded.

"Okay then."

He tensed when the needle went in but otherwise remained motionless.

"Sweet dreams, kid." The guard whispered as he left. Reno barely saw the door shut before he was out again.

* * *

><p>When Reno woke next, Tseng was already in the room. He pulled himself out of his haze and tried to sit up but the restraints were too tight now so he was forced to lay and stare up at Tseng.<p>

"Director, you came."

"Yes, the guard was quite adamant I come first thing. He said he had to sedate you last night."

"Because they let me sleep through the whole day. I couldn't get back to sleep..." but that wasn't what he wanted to talk about. "Tseng, what did they say?"

"I'm afraid you have to stay like this for now Reno."

Reno stared up at him, struck. He'd managed to convince himself Tseng wouldn't allow this to continue.

"No, Tseng, please, why not?"

"I pushed for you to start therapy as soon as possible, Reno. The doctor wants you to be more settled down before that but I disagree so he consented."

"I said I'd do therapy, that's fine, that's great, but I just want out of these."

"You haven't gone a day without a violent outburst. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore Reno."

"I'd rather get beat up every single day than have to lay strapped to this bed for one second longer."

"I'm sorry, Reno." His voice was devastatingly quiet. Reno's mind was clouded with pain and drugs and frustration, but he saw straight through Tseng.

"I know what it is."

"What?"

"I know why you won't help me. You and Rude still think I'm your responsibility. You both feel guilty about what happened even though every choice I've made as a Turk was mine. And now you both think you've failed me in some way and you're so afraid to fail me again that you've stopped thinking for yourselves. You think standing back and letting the doctors do everything is how you're going to avoid messing up again. But you're wrong! You know me! You know me better than the doctors do so help me! I'll do therapy, I'll try to get better, Tseng, but I need your help."

Tseng stared down at him in silence. He tried to remain stone faced but Reno had learned to see every emotion that passed through this man and right now he was tormented.

"Please–"

"I'll tell them you're up for breakfast." Tseng interrupted. Reno's stomach clenched. The director turned his back and headed for the door.

"TSENG!" Reno pulled with everything against the restrains. "Don't Tseng! Please don't do this!"

Tseng paused with his hand on the door, hearing the sobs burst out. He was rooted in such pain while Reno cried out his name over and over. Then he opened the door and left.

* * *

><p>Reno snapped to hours later. He remembered hands on him and stabbing pain in his arm and here he was waking up in the dark once more. Another whole day lost. In the last two days he'd only been awake for a few hours. His limbs were so sore. He just wanted to move.<p>

He went over his conversation with Tseng again. He had been direct with him. He had stated what he knew was the truth, and he had begged for his help but the director still walked away. And Rude would be the same. They both thought they were helping him. There was no other choice. He looked down at his right hand and worked the strap until it was putting maximum pressure on the joint of his thumb. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth and jerked sharply upward.

"Gha!" He heard the snap but his hand was down so tight it wasn't enough leverage. He needed to do it again to push farther. "SHIIIIT!" he screamed out into the night when the broken digit snapped farther.

"Hey, you okay in there?" the guard at the door called.

He grit his teeth, not answering, and drug his hand free of the strap. He tried not to think about the pain as he reached over to free his other arm. He heard the lock slide and instantly flattened.

"I said are you okay? I heard you scream."

Reno shook his head in the dark. The other couldn't see past the sheets to know his arms were free.

"What's wrong?"

Reno felt really bad when he saw it was the guard from the night before. He was nice, he'd gotten Tseng for him. But he had to forget that now.

"I hurt my hand."

"How?" The guard came closer. Reno craned his neck as if to try to look at his hand and the guard took another step to try to see. One more and he'd be in range.

"It really hurts."

"Let me take a look before I go waking up the doctor. What did you do?"

He took the step.

"Well, I broke my thumb." The guard wasn't quick enough and the cast came up and struck the side of his head. Reno reeled back in pain as the strike hurt his broken arm. The guard stumbled but apparently Reno hadn't hit him hard enough.

"Shit!" they both cried. The guard reached for his syringe while blood poor from his eyebrow. Both of Reno's hands hurt, broken thumb on one side and broken arms on the other. But he got his cast against the guy's throat to try to hold him back.

The syringe plunged into his forearm, scraping bone he was sure. But before the guard could push down, Reno pulled his arm back and got the syringe with it. He let the guard go, grabbed the needle with his left hand and shoved it into the man's shoulder.

"I'm really sorry, buddy." Reno said as the man slumped to the ground. Sedatives were probably better than a concussion anyway, Reno thought as he worked quickly to remove his ankle restraints. He'd made too much noise to search the guard for anything more than his set of keys and then ran from the room. He shut and locked the door and jogged away.

* * *

><p>Rude nearly ran into Tseng as he rounded the corner from their offices.<p>

"Director."

"Rude, what are you doing down here so late?"

"I...was actually wondering if you might still be around. I wanted to talk to you about Reno."

"Me too."

"Sir?"

"I made a mistake, Rude. I walked out on him today because what he said was true. Maybe we are being overprotective because we're afraid of messing up again. I want to get another doctor on the case. We can reassess the situation and in the mean time we can let Reno out of those damn restraints."

"Then let's go."

They both jumped at the loud bang just around the corner behind them and pulled their fire arms as one. Slowly they rounded the corner.

"Tseng! Rude!" Elena cried out, dropping the pudding she'd just bought from the vending machine. "What the Hell?"

"Sorry Elena. We were just go to see Reno, coming?"

Elena picked up the pudding. "Yeah."

* * *

><p>Reno stalked through the shadows of the Shinra mansion. He'd pulled his thumb back in place as best he could and ripped off part of his pant-leg to wrap it up. He was aware that his all-white hoapital srcubs shone against the black of night but if he used all of his training, he could compensate.<p>

He didn't want to hurt anyone, that was a priority. The guard had been inevitable, no getting around that. But anyone else and they would lock him up for good. No, he had to do this right, prove to Tseng and Rude and everyone that he knew what he needed.

And if he could hold out long enough, he could get the drugs out of his system.

And that was what he'd really wanted. He hated the straps, so much. But he hated the drugs more. Strategically, he had done his best to only fight them about the straps. If he could get out of the straps, they could start giving him pills. And if they started giving him pills he could start throwing them up or fake swallow them or anything. And then he would do what he could to get better on his own.

He would live, he had to. He had to work for the rest of his life trying to pay off a debt that was incalculable, but he would not shit on all the memories of those who died by easing his suffering with drugs.

This was his choice.

But the longer he moved, and hid and crouched in the shadows of the mansion, the more he began to panic. This had seemed like a great idea when his judgement was clouded by drugs. Now he was starting to get worried. He'd _needed_ to get out of those straps, he knew that. He couldn't stand lying there one second longer, especially when there was no hope of help from his friends. But now he was starting to forget just exactly what his plan had been from there on. They were going to find him gone and then they were really going to think he was crazy.

_No,_ Reno said in his mind. _No, now you're just freaking out because you're coming off the crazy meds. Let it run its course. Find somewhere safe to hide and let it run its course._

* * *

><p>"What's going on?"<p>

Tifa jumped in the dark of the medical room. She was standing with the door to Cloud's private room cracked open, watching the movement outside.

"I'm not sure," she said over her shoulder to him, "but I think they lost him."

"Reno?"

"Yes." she shut the door and turned back to him. He was propped on one elbow on his side. He'd had pretty major surgery to save his life and hadn't been out of bed since he arrived. Tifa had been sceptical and afraid the doctors would never let go of Cloud once they got their hands on him but they had allowed her to stay with him every second. Barrett had his misgivings but had finally decided they were safe and left yesterday, stating that he was going to make sure they still had a tavern to return to when Cloud was all better.

"We should go look for him." Cloud said shifting but she put a hand on his shoulder and stayed him.

"No, Cloud, I almost lost you, you are going to do as the doctor orders and stay in bed until your lungs and ribs and everything else are healed."

"Then you go."

"I told them I wouldn't leave you and I won't."

"Tifa, I can tell you want to go. It's fine, we're safe here, even Barrett says so. If Reno is hiding in the mansion, maybe he'll come out if he sees you."

"You think?"

"I think he trusts you a lot."

"Well, if you'll be fine, then yes, I would like to help."

"I will be, go."

She nodded and slipped out the door.

* * *

><p>Rufus Shinra walked through the halls of his mansion.<p>

He was not impressed.

It was near dawn and he hadn't slept yet due to the frantic search of the mansion for the mentally unstable Turk. His security guards had told him to stay in his room but he'd waved them off. This was his home, he had entrusted his friend and employee's well being to his staff of doctors and security guards and they'd turned around and lost him.

Security cameras confirmed Reno had not left but only the briefest shots could be found of him slinking around the shadows of the building. He was highly trained and he knew most of the mansion inside-out, but Rufus still didn't know how Reno could possibly stay hidden with Turks, Security force and even some members of Soldier looking for him on every level of the mansion.

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He needed a drink, or coffee or anything. He headed back to his office.

"Sir." A guard nodded and opened the door that lead to the secure area around his office.

"I trust this area, at least, is clear."

"There is no way the intruder could have entered."

Rufus stiffened. "He's not an _intruder_, he's one of our own, and I expect you and all the other men to keep that in mind. We deal with intruders and our own very differently, no?"

"Yes sir, of course, sir."

Rufus just grunted and passed into the long hallway of the top Shinra official's offices, leading to his own. But as he approached his door a noise reached him and he paused.

"Reno." He just now saw the small figure by his door, head bent into knees, arms wrapped around them keeping his body in a tight ball. Rufus continued down the hall until he reached him. "Reno." He repeated calmly.

The red head started and look up to him. He made eye contact for a second before turning back into his knees and continuing to sob. Rufus knelt.

"Reno...how did you get in here?" He stared back at the heavy doors that were guarded. But the question went unanswered so Rufus tried another approach. "Reno, why are you here?"

"I went to see Tseng." Reno responded, voice muffled into this knees. "But he never came back to his office. So I came here."

"To see me?"

"Yes."

"Reno, what happened, why did you run?"

"It all just went wrong." Reno sobbed out. Rufus slowly reached out and put a hand on the Turk's shoulder.

"Reno, calm down and look at me." It took some time, but Reno slowly pulled his face away from his knees and looked up at Rufus. Rufus moved to grip the side of Reno's face so that he couldn't easily look away again. "Explain."

Reno took a breath and began shakily. He was still crying but not so hard now. "They wouldn't even consider letting me out of the straps. I couldn't take it anymore."

"How did you escape?" Reno held up his thumb. "Oh Reno..."

"I was desperate. I don't think that doctor ever wanted to let me go. I know I need help, but just... I wanted someone to listen to me but no one would. So I ran. But when the sedatives and other drugs got out of my system I got really confused. I didn't remember what I was trying to do. Talk to Tseng I guess. And then I realized that you'd all just think I was even more crazy and dangerous and lock me up forever!"

Reno's crying intensified and his head turned but Rufus kept a hold of him and spoke firmly.

"Reno, keep your eyes on me." He stared into the desperate teary eyes. There was so much pain and fear there that Rufus had never seen in all these years.

"I didn't know what to do..." Reno continued. "I didn't mean to make such a mess of things, but I was confused. I've been out of it for almost two days and they kept putting drugs in me and–"

"Reno." Reno stopped talking, he was working himself up again. Rufus held his gaze firmly. "Reno, I'm going to help you. You're right, this is not your fault. I'm going to call Tseng and we'll take care of this."

He took Reno's arm and stood up with him. "Come on, let's– "

"Sir!" The door at the other end of the hall burst open. "Sir we have reason to believe the Turk might be–" The guard and the men with him froze for one second before moving. "SIR!"

They were barrelling towards them. Rufus held up his hand, but they were his security team and despite what he'd instructed they still saw Reno as a threat.

"Stop!" Rufus yelled when they kept coming.

Reno reacted. In his confused state he acted on instinct and seeing the men rushing them, guns raised, he grabbed Rufus. "Sir, get down!"

"Let go of him!"

Rufus tried to cry out, tried to explain, but shots rang out and he and Reno both hit the floor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	15. Chapter 15

Tseng, Rude and Elena ran down the private corridor of the Shinra mansion where several men hovered over the white suited man on the ground. They didn't stop running until they were nearly on top of Rufus.

"What the Hell happened?" Tseng demanded while Elena bent to check Rufus's pulse. They could see no wounds on the president but he was unconscious.

"There was a struggle and Mr. Shinra got in the way."

"You shot him?"

"He's fine, Director." Elena said from the floor. "Just unconscious."

"From what?"

"This." One of the guards held out his gun to be inspected. "The president's orders." He said as Tseng seized it, pulling out the clip and seeing tranqs instead of bullets. He sighed with relief.

"I trust you can handle getting Rufus to the clinic." He said harshly to the guard, returning the weapon.

"Yes sir."

"And I don't suppose anyone saw where Reno went in the struggle."

"He was very fast."

"Of course he was."

* * *

><p>Cloud sat in his bed. He had promised Tifa he would stay where he was but he couldn't sleep for the constant sounds of alarms and intercoms and shouting voices. He sat in his bed, wanting desperately to join the search.<p>

But while he sat in his indecision, he saw a shadow move across his window. He was on the seventh floor of the Shinra mansion, he supposed a bird could have flown by but the shadow had been quite large and dark. So he raised his blinds and slid the window open, peering out into the dawn light. Looking down the long ledge that ran the length of the Shinra building, he saw a figure walking with ease in his bare feet along the thick ledge, despite the wind that tore at his clothes and made his long red pony tail whip back and forth.

"RENO!"

The figure stopped and looked back.

"Cloud?"

He could barely make out his voice over the wind.

"RENO, hang on, I'm coming." He started to hoist himself out the window but winced at the pain in his ribs and paused part way. When he tried again a hand came down to rest on his head and he froze.

"Don't." He looked up at Reno who stood above him, afraid to move in any way that would cause the Turk to lose his balance and fall.

"Reno, please come inside."

"I can't."

"Why? What are you doing?"

"I'm not going to involve you Cloud. You got hurt because of me already, I couldn't stand it if you got hurt again."

"Reno, I can handle it, just tell me why you're doing this."

"I messed up, Cloud. Now they're going to lock me away forever."

"What are you saying?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to jump if that's what you're thinking."

"Reno, please come inside." Cloud said but his voice hitched as pain washed through him again. Reno put a slight bit of pressure on his head to guide him back into the room so he was no longer exerting pressure on his ribs. He gasped and slumped against the wall, frustrated at his own weakness.

"Reno, please come back in." he said. But he had looked away from the window and when he heard no answer he glanced back. The window was empty except for the grey lit sky. "Dammit, Reno."

* * *

><p>Reno sat on the edge of the roof. He was filthy from his climb up the building. His broken thumb throbbed for the pressure he'd had to put on it in his efforts, but this seemed like the best place for him. He was exhausted, he knew he was going to pass out soon, and if he did that on the ledge, he'd be dead. So he'd made it to the roof. It wasn't a flat roof, but he could sit on one of the gables above the windows pretty comfortably. Well, as comfortable as he could be covered in sweat with a broken thumb and little protection against the cold morning and chilling wind.<p>

He was completely lost. Like the night he'd run from Tifa and Cloud, he'd just done something but only had a vague impression of Rufus, the hallway near his office and a crowd of men. Man, if he'd hurt Rufus, he'd be done.

Then Cloud. He'd wanted so much to give in to the other's offer of help. He'd wanted to step inside and know Cloud and Tifa would help him, but he'd be putting them in a position they didn't deserve. He couldn't risk their safety. So he'd left. He used to be a protector, he used to have a team who had his back and who he'd die for, so it almost felt good to be able to protect someone again.

Now, perched on the gable, he felt all his energy leaving him. He shut his eyes against the world and let himself drift.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm sorry Elena." Reno said as they watched the large warehouse style door drop heavily to the ground, sealing them inside the enemy's base but protecting Rude and Tseng from the inevitable capture they had all faced as the horde of men had converged on them all, seemingly out of nowhere. Reno lowered his gun from where he'd shot the chain controlling the door. He knew it would do no good anymore.<em>

"_We were never going to make it. You saved them." Elena responded softly._

"_You should probably know something." Reno said as someone shouted at him to lower his gun and he dropped it to the ground._

"_What?" Elena asked, dropping hers as well. _

"_I used to work for him."_

"_What? You used to work for–"_

"_Ah, Reno!" A voice boomed through the room as Elena and Reno were both grabbed and held from behind. "So you've finally returned."_

"_Yo, long time no see, Don Corneo."_

...

"_Reno!" _

_Elena slowly came back into focus. She was kneeling above him. He put the pieces back together. Don Corneo had ordered them to be hauled off to one of the rooms while he 'got ready.' The men had taken the liberty of making sure Reno wouldn't be of any trouble when the Don came back. He tasted blood and felt sore all over but nothing was broken._

"_Elena, shit those assholes." He sat up, his head spinning and she held him steady. They were in storage room, the shelves empty though and nothing but concrete walls and a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. A make shift cell, essentially._

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah, I'm fine" He said. He was in pain, but he could still move._

"_Here," she helped him scoot over to the wall so he could lean against it._

"_Thanks."_

"_Reno... what are we going to do?"_

_He turned his head to the side to look in her eyes. She was scared, he could tell. She had been so cocky when he first met her and she was highly skilled and good at her job but she was still a rookie. He actually didn't even know how old she was, she could be younger, could be older, maybe they were even the same age, but right now he was the senior Turk, even if he was only nineteen. He was the one who needed to set the rules and make the plan._

"_Tseng and Rude will get us out of this. We just need to stay alive until they can get here. It shouldn't be too hard, I know Corneo, he loves to talk and take his time. I know how to work him."_

"_Reno... what do you mean you used to work for him?"_

_The door opened and she jumped involuntarily. Reno got to his feet at once and she did the same._

"_He means, he used to be my errand boy until he betrayed me." The Don completed as he sauntered in._

"_One of my better decisions, I'd say." Reno said in a lazy, cocky voice._

"_Oh really? We'll see if you feel the same when I dole out your punishment. I know it's been a few years, but I never forget who owes me."_

"_How much was it again? If you let me go, I'll cut you a cheque, I swear, I'm good for it." Reno smiled and Corneo did too._

"_Oh, I doubt you could afford the interest."_

"_I don't know, the Turks pay pretty good."_

"_Until you cut and run from them as well."_

"_Nah, I don't hate 'em like I did you."_

"_Oh, so that's why you took the money you were supposed to be delivering to me and ran, is it?"_

"_Sure is. I was too hungry to think about the things you do to refuse work. But it didn't take long for me to realize that I'd rather starve than be a part of this disgusting place."_

"_But now you're back. And I don't think you'll be leaving again."_

"_No? We'll see what the Turks have to say about that. Don't mess with Shinra, yo, it'll be the last thing you do."_

"_No, I don't think so. You came in here looking for some information but I caught you rather easily. Anyone else they send will meet the same fate. This is my territory down here, you should know that Reno. Now, enough talk."_

_Reno caught Elena's eye as the men rushed them. They were outnumbered and quickly pinned again. Corneo stepped forward slowly and Reno prayed he would keep moving toward himself, but of course, the Don's wandering eyes could not stay off Elena and he moved toward her instead._

"_My, you've brought me a top seller, Reno. How kind of you."_

"_Back off you pig!" Elena shouted. Corneo just laughed before he slapped her roughly. _

"_Bastard." Reno screamed._

"_Oh, don't like that do you?" Corneo shot at Reno as he reached out to stroke Elena's face. His hand worked its way down her neck, slowly, but there was no doubting from the look in his eye and his intentions. Elena began to shake under his touch. Corneo flashed Reno a smile when he began to undo the buttons of her shirt._

_They both fought furiously. The man holding Elena gripped her by her hair and drug her head backward, exposing her neck and chest that was slowly being bared. Reno took a knee to the gut and wheezed, collapsing forward as much as he could in the man's hold._

_Corneo stopped undoing buttons when he had her shirt open enough to reach a hand inside. Tears sparkled in Elena's eyes as his hand moved over her breasts. Her eyes were locked on Reno's and he grit his teeth in utter anger._

"_You know I always break in the new girls." Corneo said to Reno. "Would you like to watch?"_

_Reno shut his eyes for one second. He just needed one second to tune it all out, to think like a Turk and not Elena's friend, and think of the way he was going to stop this from happening. He opened his eyes and smiled, ignoring the look of terror and humiliation plastered on Elena's face._

"_I wouldn't bother, she's not worth it, really."_

_Corneo stopped what he was doing at this and looked to Reno. Elena let out a gasp when he withdrew from her._

"_Is that so? Then why were you fighting so hard just now?"_

"_Cau_se _I'm feeling left out, Don, you know how I love attention. I used to get a lot of that around here. Used to drive your boys crazy that I could come and go as I pleased cause I was just an errand boy and I hadn't sold myself to you. They'd get all hot that I talked shit about you behind your back but it was because they wished they had the balls to do it themselves. You always paid me and let me go on my way, and that killed them, because you didn't _own_ me the way you own them."_

_Corneo listened and even if he did realize Reno had twisted his attention away from Elena on purpose these words bothered him too much. Like Reno had said, he knew how to play this guy, but he also knew this was going to cost him._

"_You're right Reno, I slipped up where you were concerned. I should have made you mine from the very start. Well, shall we amend the situation?"_

_Reno felt the fear welling up in him as he was pressed on to the ground. A man stepped on each arm pinning him while Corneo retrieved a knife from another goon and then came to straddle Reno himself._

"_Damn, Don, you need to go on a diet." Reno wheezed, trying to sound as cavalier as possible while he stared up at the man on top of him._

_Corneo just smiled down on him and spoke to a guard."Hold his head." _

_Reno began to fight now, the panic starting to take over as he head was forced to one side and Corneo brought the knife up to his eye._

"_No! Don't!" He heard Elena but couldn't see her, and by the looks of it, he wouldn't be seeing much very soon._

"_It would be so easy..." Corneo said, "to cut right into that little orb." he smiled at Reno's now blatant fear as the knife tip came ever closer to his eye. "But then you wouldn't get the pleasure of seeing me initiate your little girlfriend over here."_

_The knife came down a little lower and Corneo traced the top of his cheekbone. _

"_Yes, right here, I think, for all to see the mark I lay in your flesh. Are you ready Reno? Don't fight, I don't want to slip and accidentally blind you."_

_Reno's breath came out in short ragged gasps when Corneo dug the knife point in and worked it across his flesh. He tried to hold out for as long as possible before screaming but it didn't take long. Corneo didn't just cut him, he was marking him. He wanted to make sure there would be a scar that would last forever, so he dug deep, tearing through layers of skin, digging into bone itself, back and forth, back and forth while Reno screamed himself hoarse. When he was done with the right side, Reno's head was forced to the left and Corneo started again._

_Reno wasn't quite sure how long it had taken, but he had exhausted his vocal cords before the Don finished, and when his weight finally lifted his whole body was drenched in sweat. His white shirt was practically transparent and his hair was plastered to his head._

_He could hardly stand when the two men lifted him up between them. Corneo admired his work, blood pouring thickly down Reno's cheeks under the terrible cuts, replacing the tears he refused to shed, dripping under his chin and onto his shirt._

"_There you are, Reno, now you are mine forever. Do you feel better now? A little less ignored?"_

_Reno gulped, he looked like he was trying not to puke or faint. "Sure do, but what's the point in marking me when you're just going to kill me?"_

"_So you'll die nothing more than a piece of property. But I'm not going to kill you yet, remember? I still have a little show for you."_

_He turned back to Elena. She was still stricken from the torture she'd just witnessed and it took her a second to react when his hands slid to the hem of her pants._

_Several things happened in that instant. Elena screamed, kicked out and caught Corneo in the shin. Corneo stumbled back toward Reno who used the support of the men holding his arms to take his weight and kick out with both feet against the Don. Corneo spun to the ground and Reno fell too, having put both guard's off balance. And on top of it all, shots erupted in the hall outside. _

_The men only took a second to kick Reno where he was on the floor and throw Elena to the ground next to him before grabbing their Don and rushing out of the room to secure his safety and ward off this new threat. The door clanged shut behind them and didn't budge when Elena tried to open it. Reno got back to his feet shakily but saw how violently Elena still trembled. She was trying to redo the buttons on her shirt but couldn't get her hands steady enough._

"_Elena." He walked up to her slowly. She didn't meet his eyes and kept fighting with the buttons. "Elena, it's okay." he said softly and reached out to grab her hands. She let him pull them away and he reached out to do the buttons himself. Despite what had just happened, his own hands were quite steady._

_He could hear her fighting the tears and she still refused to look up at him. He finished the last button then zipped up her jacket for good measure. When he was done, he smoothed out her collar and slid his hand under her chin, but gently, not forcing her to look at him. She allowed it though and finally met his eyes._

"_It's okay, Elena." He said, and her lips trembled. "I'm so sorry, I had to say what I could to get them to stop. I'm so sorry they almost–"_

"_Don't say it." She whispered out and began to cry. He held the sides of her face and leaned down to kiss her forehead before he pulled her against him in the tightest hug he could manage in his condition. The blood from his face ran into her hair as she sobbed against him._

"_It's okay Elena. I'll keep you safe, I'll always keep you safe, just like Rude and Tseng have done for me. Just like we all do for each other."_

"_I'm sorry, Reno." she said when she was a bit calmer, but still in his arms._

"_For what?"_

"_Your face." There was a hitch in her voice and she sounded like she might cry again. "Reno it's because of me." _

_He pushed her back and held her shoulders firmly._

"_No. This is not your fault. This is because of my history with Corneo, because of choices I made years ago."_

"_Reno, if they come back, they'll–"_

"_No Elena, Rude and Tseng are coming. That's them out there, we're not alone. As long as you're a Turk you'll never be alone."_

_She nodded. The door burst open and they both turned in surprise but it was Tseng and Rude, just like Reno had said. Shock struck both of their faces as they saw the state of their two comrades._

"_Elena, Reno." Tseng stepped forward and took Elena in his arms but reached one out to Reno, gently cupping his face to try to assess the damage. Rude glanced worriedly at both of them but had to keep watch out the door._

"_I'll be okay." Reno said to the concerned Director. Tseng nodded then looked down at Elena. He began to mouth the question that was burning him and Reno shook his head 'no' but mouthed back, "but they tried."_

_Tseng nodded and then he was giving orders and they were moving. He had a plan and he would get them out. He always did._

* * *

><p><strong><em>So, long flashback I know, but I thought it gave depth to the Turks. Let me know what you thought,<em>**

**_Riza_**


	16. Chapter 16

Reno snapped to at the screech of a bird. He glanced around, trying to judge how long he'd been out. Not very long, he gathered by the position of the sun, it was still before noon. He stretched and stood. He didn't know what to do now so he scrambled up the shingles to the top of the slanted roof. Where the two sloped sides of the roof met was rather thick and it was easy for him to walk along it in his bare feet. But he was freezing cold and he would rather be in his own bed.

He walked the length of the house and stopped at the chimney on the east side. The sun had risen well past the horizon now and illuminated Midgar. He stared at the gap in the plates, one long swathe of black shadow, a void in the city. The drugs must be clear of his system now but to his surprise he didn't just want to fall down and cry. He just felt sick. He felt cold from the wind but cold from the inside too.

He remembered the day he took Rufus up in the helicopter. Maybe that's what was happening to him right now. He was alone in the sky, and all his troubles lay beneath him. But he couldn't hide from them forever, he should go back. He would try Tseng's office again.

He worked his way down the side of the building, until he was back on the ledge that ran outside their offices. He came across Tseng's. Empty. He sighed. The window was locked so he went down further until he came to one that was open.

He should have guessed it was an ambush.

They knew, afterall, that he was out here, Cloud must have told them. So they had conveniently left open a window for him to enter.

"Wait!" Was all he could think to say when the shadows suddenly moved his way the second his feet hit carpeted floor.

His exits were blocked but he backed up toward the far wall.

"Reno, just stop moving."

He tensed at the voice of Dr. Heine.

"Just stop, please, stop." Reno said, hands held out before him as the five or six guards closed around him. His back hit the wall. "Don't." Reno said again, seeing the syringe in the doctor's hand, in the guards' hands. "I just got it all out of me, please, just stop!"

"RENO!" The guards did stop at this voice and turned to see Tifa running into the room. Reno was flattened against the wall, putting every millimetre possible between himself and the needles. "What are you doing? Stop!" She tried to move to Reno's defence but a guard caught her.

"Don't interfere." The doctor said. "This is for his safety.

"His safety? You look like you're about to attack him."

"Just let us handle this."

But more interference arrived in the form of Tseng, Elena and Rude who had heard Tifa's cry.

"Reno..." Tseng breathed out, relieved.

"Just tell them to stop, Tseng." Reno begged. "I didn't mean it, Dr. Heine. Please just don't give me anything else. Don't strap me down again."

"Reno, look at yourself. You're a mess. You broke your own thumb, you hurt a guard and the president got shot with a tranquillizer because of you. Don't you realize you need help? You need to be kept under control."

He took another step. "Stay back. Just wait, just wait. Think about it. If I tied you to a bed and drugged you up for days how would you behave? What would you do to get away? Anybody would go crazy the way you've treated me."

"You were safe with me. Everyone else was safe too." Heine took another step.

"Please Tseng..."

But the doctor was still advancing. "Just relax Reno."

"Stop!" The doctor froze just inches from the trembling red head. He looked back over his shoulder at the Director.

"It's for his own good."

"I said stop. Back up." The doctor held the syringe defiantly for a moment before doing as he was told. "Leave, all of you." Tseng ordered the security team and the doctor.

Tifa was released and they filed away. Reno remained frozen against the wall, trembling, breathing hard.

"Reno." The director tried to reach him past the panic that was still running through him. He didn't look at the director, his eyes still fixed on the door where the doctor had left. "Reno!" Tseng repeated. Still the green eyes didn't move. "Reno." He tried a little more softly this time and reached out to guide Reno's face around to his.

"Director..." Reno said, eyes finally focussing. Absolute exhaustion was plastered over his features as the fear slowly faded away. He let himself be pulled away from the wall and practically fell into Tseng's arms. He wasn't crying, he was just so tired. It didn't take long for his legs to give out and Tseng gently knelt with him. Rude, Elena and Tifa moved closer.

"It's okay Reno, we're going to get you through this."

* * *

><p><em>Rude walked into the washroom and stopped short. Reno leaned back from the mirror and looked at him.<em>

"_So, what do you think?"_

_It was the first Rude has seen him without bandages under his eyes in weeks. The doctors had done the finest stiches they could, but scars had been inevitable. Rude tried to read how the other was feeling before he responded._

"_It's okay, Rude." Reno said, coming to his rescue, "I think they look badass."_

_Reno looked back to the mirror and smiled at his reflection. _

"_You do?"_

_Reno shot him a look of false hurt. "What, you don't think so?"_

_It was a running joke between them that they had radically different senses of style. But Rude didn't smile back._

"_Reno, you don't have to pretend for our sakes."_

"_I'm not pretending." The redhead responded, serious now himself. "I actually do like them."_

"_That's great if you do, Reno. But what about what the Don said about marking you and stuff, doesn't that bother you?"_

"_Nope. You know why?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because these _are_ a mark." Reno said, once again looking back at himself. He traced his fingers over the fine red lines, the flesh had not puckered and was still smooth. Rude watched him in utter confusion._

"_I don't get it, Reno."_

"_They're a symbol of being a Turk."_

"_How?"_

"_Well, I goaded Corneo into doing this to buy us some time. I got these for protecting someone, but also because I knew that you and Tseng were going to come save us. So I also got these because I was protected. And that's what it is to be a Turk, right? You protect," he tapped one cheek, "and you are protected," he tapped the other. Rude smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder._

"_Well said, partner."_

"_Thanks. But, you know, if the other Turks do make fun, you got my back right?"_

_Rude's face in the mirror lost its smile. It had only been the four of them there, but every Turk knew what Reno had done for Elena. "No one's going make fun of you, Reno, I can promise you that."_

"_Okay good. But one more thing, Rude, you never answered my question. They do look badass don't they?"_

_Rude's lips twitched as he suppressed a smile._

"_What?" Reno accused._

"_They definitely suit you, Reno." Rude took his hand off his shoulder and headed for the door._

"_Hey, wait! Is that a good thing? Hey Rude, come back!" Reno ran out after him._

* * *

><p>Reno woke to an angel standing over him. Overbright lights made her hard to see but he saw a radiant smile and a halo of dark hair.<p>

"Hey, there, sleepy head."

"Am I dead?" He said to the vision.

"No. But you've been out for a while."

Reno squinted and the world came back into focus. "Tifa?"

"Hi Reno."

"You're really beautiful."

"Whoa, what's up Reno?" She said sitting on the edge of his bed, seemingly more concerned now.

"Nothing, you're just really beautiful and since Cloud's too stubborn to say it I thought I would."

She blushed slightly but reached out to take his hand. He looked down, noticing that thumb was held tightly in place by a wrap that extended up his arm.

"I missed you Reno."

"I missed you too. Thank you, Tifa, for taking care of me in the slums."

She smiled. "Happy to help." He still wasn't sure this wasn't a vision but finally he had to ask.

"What happened?" He had no memory of anything since Tseng holding him. Looking around he could see he was no longer in the white room but not his bedroom either.

"It's okay, Reno." She soothed, seeing his concern. "You blacked out again, for a couple of days. But I knew you'd come back like you did before."

"Where are we?"

"Private facilities Rufus had set up."

"Oh."

"Reno, you okay?"

"I don't know." he sighed.

"Well, you haven't eaten for a while, I'll get some food sent up and let Tseng know you're awake, okay?"

"Okay."

Tifa stepped over to the other side of the room to a phone. Reno didn't hear what she said, he was just taking in his room. It was different than the last. There was actually stuff in this one. Shelves of books; some medical equipment in one corner, a sink and counter, chairs and a desk. A door to a room he guessed was a bathroom. It was like a medical room and a bedroom mixed into one.

Reno swung his legs over the bed and stood. He was surprised when they didn't quite support him and he fell to one knee.

"Whoa, Reno, slow down." Tifa had dropped the phone and was at his side. "Hey, you shouldn't be up."

"What's wrong with me?" he asked, still unable to get his legs working right when Tifa put an arm under his and lifted him back up. She eased him down onto the bed again.

"Like I said, you haven't eaten. And you went through a lot before that. You just need to rest and get your strength back."

He just nodded.

"It'll be okay." She said, reading his frustration.

Again, just the nod.

The door opened and the three Turks entered. They had been much more worried than Tifa, never having witnessed the prolonged blackouts before.

"Reno, thank goodness." Elena swung her arms around Reno.

"Sorry if I scared you, Elena." He said back into her shoulder. She pulled back and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You should be." She smiled and stepped back.

"Director, Rude." Reno greeted. "So what's going on?" He said indicating the new room.

"We're going to try a new approach Reno. Rufus agreed, he arranged for this."

"And the doctor?"

"Well, I wasn't pleased, but Dr. Meyer has been appointed."

Reno visible perked up at this. "Really?"

"Yes." Tseng saw his enthusiasm. "Perhaps he is the best choice after all. We know you seem to like him, despite what you pulled right before you disappeared."

Reno's eyes trailed away from Tseng ashamed. "I never did apologize to him for that."

"Well, in the end he confessed to save you. And the two of you spent a lot of time together after you were hurt on he Plate."

"Yeah..."

"Are you alright with this, then Reno?"

"Yeah."

"Good. You will also be seeing a therapist daily."

"Alright."

"And you will be prescribed medication."

Silence.

"Reno. Did you hear me?"

The redhead refused to meet his eyes. "I don't want it, Tseng."

"You need it, Reno. The doctors are afraid one of these times you will go catatonic and never come back. Medication in conjunction with therapy is what is going to get you through this."

"No. It's not right."

Tifa flashed them a worried and confused glance. Tseng sighed. "Elena, Tifa, will you excuse us."

"Yes sir."

Elena took Tifa's hand an guided her out.

"Why did you send them away?"

"Because I need you to listen to me and not get distracted. Rude and I have been here for you all these years. Why, then, do you refuse to let us help you?"

"I'm not." Reno said in an almost childish voice. "I just want to do it differently."

"You can't. Reno this has gone way too far. Anxiety and stress come out in physical forms as well as emotional. It does things to your brain that medicine can help undo. Hopefully, you won't have to take it forever, just long enough to get over this with therapy."

"I don't want them." Reno just said adamantly.

Tseng sighed. "Reno, the reason we were able to get you this room and get rid of the straps is because we trusted you really do want to get better. We trust that you won't hurt yourself in this room, and, importantly, that you won't fight us about this anymore. You asked for our help and we're doing our best to give it to you."

"It won't be like before." Rude added. "Just the medicine, no painkillers or sedatives."

Reno didn't answer, just stared down at the bedspread he was sitting on cross legged.

They waited in silence. His two most loyal friends. They had rescued him so many times, he should trust them. But he couldn't shake the emotion, the deep rooted idea that the medication was a cheap way out, a way to forget what should never be forgotten. He pulled his legs up to his chest and leaned his face into them.

"Reno..." He felt Rude's hand on his back. He couldn't help it. He was so torn inside. Tears leaked out his eyes but he didn't give in to full sobs.

"I don't know what to do." he choked out, afraid to speak more and bring on the full onslaught of emotions waiting to come out.

"Then listen to us." Tseng said sternly, and he felt his weight settle before him on the bed. Slender fingers reached past his knees and caught his chin. Tseng more than a little forcefully pulled his chin up to make him look at him.

"Remember what it means to be a Turk." His hand slid up Reno's face and he thumbed away one of Reno's tears, tracing over that thin red line. "To protect," then his other hand raised to trace the other scar, "and to _be protected." _He held Reno's face like that, watching the flicker of emotions racing behind green eyes.

Pale lips trembled, but he felt Rude's strong hand on his back, he stared into Tseng unrelenting gaze, and he whispered out, "okay."

Tseng caught him in a hug before he could turn in on himself again. He realized he was holding on to Reno almost painfully tight but for some reason he couldn't let go. Reno's body was shaking with the sobs he'd been holding back but there was a different edge to them now. He had made it past something, one step along the way to recovery and all three of them knew it.

And that was why Tseng couldn't let him go– because he had finally took his first step to making amends for his failures as well. He caught Rude's eyes and knew he felt the same. The bigger man had pulled his glasses off and was wiping a hand over his face in relief, in thankfulness.

Tseng eventually withdrew and let Rude take over. Somehow the Director knew it had to be himself who lead Reno to this first step. He knew that despite his jokes and frequent insubordination, Reno looked up to him, trusted him, would follow him anywhere. But now he needed to compose himself again, talk to the doctors, make arrangements for the progress of Reno's treatments. And he knew that Rude was always the first one Reno would show the truth to. There was no reserve, fear of disappointing or disapproval like there was with himself. So it was Rude who would lead him on from here.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Voila un autre chapitre! I hope you enjoyed, and question, is there any difinitive answer on what the red marks are under Reno's eyes? Obviously I took the liberty of making my own history, but are they scars or tatoos? Just curious!<em>**

**_Thanks for reading and reviewing, _**

**_Riza._**


	17. Chapter 17

"Yo Rude, give me a hand will you?"

Rude looked up from his paper. Reno was in bed, sitting cross legged as usual but staring down at the book before him. He stood from his chair where he'd been spending every moment of his free time in the past week, watching Reno on the road to recovery.

He looked down at what Reno was reading. A science fiction novel. He sighed. Much like their differing tastes in style, they had very different literary interests as well.

"I can't make out this part." He pointed to a section and Rude picked up the book. Reno had learned to read faster than anyone could have imagined an education-deprived slum kid could, but when branching out from formal language Tseng had taught him during those hundreds of mornings, he still ran into some difficulty. And most often it was in fictional books when the author got a little liberal with names and terminology. Rude had learned far more about the fantasy genre than he'd ever intended.

"It's another made up name." Rude said as he read through the passage. "Looks like the hero is supposed to be from some mythical place 'beyond the stars.' Geeze Reno, I'm going to bring you in some good literature one of these days." He said, handing the book back.

"You need to branch out from the news paper a little more." Reno shot back.

Rude just grunted and sat with his paper again. Reno watched him for a moment.

"Anything happening out there I should know about?"

"Same thing as usual."

"So not much."

"No."

Reno continued to stare down at his book but Rude could see he was no longer reading it. He sighed and folded his paper.

"What is it Reno?"

"The therapist asked me something this afternoon."

"What?"

"She asked me if I wanted to return to the Turks when I was better."

"And?"

"Of course."

"Then what's wrong? You know Tseng wants you back."

"I know. I'm not worried about being fired."

"Well then?"

"When I said yes, she asked me something else."

Rude watched the way Reno deliberately turned his face downward, his finger running up and down the crease in his novel absently. Rude stood and came closer to the bed.

"Reno, tell me what she asked."

"She asked me... if I was asked to do something like..._that_ again...if I could."

Reno's hand stopped where is was on the book. His whole body seemed to sag. Rude, however, was rigid, the question racing through his own mind and several emotions leaping on top of one another. The first was outrage, thinking of course such circumstances would never arise again. Then doubt which brought fear, then overall concern for Reno. He finally settled on this, put a hand on Reno's shoulder. The other looked up at him, eyes teary, but not spilling over.

"What if they did, Rude? I couldn't. I never could. But what if the Turks were ordered to? I couldn't...I could never..."

"Reno, you'll never have to, I promise."

"But that's not it, Rude. I could never allow it either. I won't ever let anyone do something like that again. So what if the Turks are ordered? What if I have to stop...you?"

Rude's grip on his shoulder tightened but words escaped him. Now he wished Reno would turn away but his partner's gaze wouldn't budge. He wanted to tell Reno everything would be fine. He wanted to say they'd never be in that situation again but that wasn't true, not in the least. Their job was dark, it lead to innocent casualties, it made them into dark people.

"See..." Reno began, his voice just a whisper, "I'm right and you know it."

Rude's expression was one of pain. He tried to think of something, anything to say.

"I would never fight you, Reno." Was finally the best he could manage.

"But that's not even the point, is it Rude? There's no getting around this."

The door opened and Dr. Meyer entered. It was time for Reno's dose and Rude felt him tense. He'd done well this past week, never struggling, but he could feel the resistence in him now.

Dr. Meyer could tell by one look that there was a definite tension between the two right now.

"Everything alright, you two?"

Reno was slow to break the piercing gaze he held with Rude. He just watched Meyer approach him and set the syringe on the table while he pulled out the bottle of clear liquid and measured out the dose.

"I want to wait." Reno said when Meyer squirted out any potential air bubbles.

"Reno, you know that timing is very important." The doctor said as he opened a swab to disinfect Reno's arm. Reno flinched away from the cool touch and Rude's grip tightened.

"Remember your promise, Reno." his partner said.

"I know Rude, I will take them but I just want to talk about this first. I mean, it's all true, you can't deny it, so why are we pretending? I'm no good to Shinra anymore. I'm not worth investing all this time and money."

"Reno...of course you are. Don't worry about the Turks, don't worry about after, just worry about getting better. Then we'll talk about what you want to do."

But Reno shook his head. "No Rude. What if I forget? What if I take the medication and forget and then I do it all over again."

Meyer stood with the swab still in hand but waited to see what Rude would say. He had been lucky, Reno hadn't had any outbursts in a week, but in collaborating with the therapist he could tell that these underlying fears would come out eventually.

"Reno, you aren't a bad person. You won't become one because of the medication."

"But I _am _Rude. Because I killed them without a second thought. I flipped that switch even though Cloud and Tifa and Barrett fought tooth and nail to stop me. I blindly followed orders and because of it, all those people are dead. And that little boy...the boy from the slums, he lost everything– even his arm– Oh Gaia Rude..." he had worked himself up pretty good but Meyer held off on injecting him. He wanted it to be Reno's choice but now the state of him might force his hand.

"Reno, I want you to focus on me." Meyer said, but Reno was clutching onto Rude's arm and didn't pay Meyer any attention.

"Rude, what will I do? What will Shinra do to me? I can't–" he was working himself into a full on panic attack now, and gasped desperately for air between words. "I can't pretend that it will all get better. I can't lie to Tseng and Rufus."

"You aren't lying. They know your concerns."

"What did they say?" Reno asked, now on his knees on the bed, holding onto Rude's sleeves, almost shaking him.

"Reno, we'll talk about this when you calm down."

"No, Rude! Tell me. No, I want to talk to them myself."

"Do you really think you can do anything productive like this?" Rude asked him. Reno became aware of himself and tried to calm down. He released Rude's jacket and sat back on the bed, his arms crossing tightly over his stomach. He tried to get his breath back but it wasn't working.

"Reno, let me give you something to help." Dr. Meyer said.

"No, I want to talk about it." He gasped out. "I can calm down."

"We _will _talk about it, Reno. I think it's an excellent idea, but it wouldn't be fair to ask you to talk about this when you're so upset."

"Just give me a minute." They indulged Reno, still not wanting to force anything. When it became clear though, that the panic attack wouldn't subside on its own, Rude sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Reno to accept his help. No words were spoken, but when Reno finally realized he was only getting worse, frustrated tears burst our of him and he collapsed into Rude's waiting arms. He knelt leaning with his face in Rude's collar but held out his arm to the doctor.

"Thank you Reno." Meyer said and stabilized his arm before injecting him. Reno sagged back from Rude afterwards, defeated, and hugged his pillow into his face. Rude rubbed his back soothingly, to let him know he was still there. Meyer locked eyes with him and spoke in a whisper.

"We can't ignore this. I think these fears fuel much of his anxiety and outbursts. And they aren't unfounded. I would like for the Director and the president if possible, to meet with Reno under the mediation of the therapist."

"You think it would help?"

"I think Reno needs the answers to these questions before he can really move forward."

Rude nodded. He agreed, but he was scared of what he was going to find out.

Reno shifted under Rude's hand and he pulled back. Reno sat up again, faced them both, eyes dried now.

"I...I think I'll take a shower."

"Okay. I have some paper work to do, I'll come back later, alright?"

"Okay." Reno said and waved Rude out. He stood but waited, looking to Dr. Meyer.

"Do you need to do anything else?"

"No. But I have considered what you said Reno, I will arrange for this matter to be discussed, does that sound fair?"

Reno nodded.

"Good. I will see you this evening, then."

"Okay." He left and Reno stepped into the adjoining washroom. As soon as the water ran warm he threw off his clothes and stepped inside. His mind started to drift, repeating what had been said that day, seeing Rude's face over and over as he realized the truth. Reno didn't notice that he was scrubbing his arm where he'd been injected, roughly, over and over, until the spot was red and sore. Still he kept scrubbing, reality quickly losing to the storm in his mind.

* * *

><p>Rude returned to Reno's room three hours later. He knew it was only half an hour before his therapy session but he'd promised to return and he still had work to do later so he would take what time he could get to visit. But when he entered the room it was empty. For a moment he thought of running out and informing the guard but then he looked to the bathroom door and heard the faint rumble of falling water.<p>

"Reno." he called through the door, not wanting to disturb the other but also concerned as his partner had told him he planned to shower three hours earlier.

"Reno are you okay?"

Still no answer. Rude had little choice, "I'm coming in, okay?" He only waited another thirty seconds or so before opening the door.

Rude stepped into the bathroom. His heart skipped when he saw his partner, slouched against the back of the shower, just sitting under the downpour of water and staring at nothing.

"Reno!" Rude called but the red head never turned. He recognized the glassy eyes and knew he probably couldn't even hear him.

"Reno, please..." he reached in to the shower but flinched at the cold. He must have been here the whole time and who knew how long it had been since the hot water had run out. Rude turned off the flow of water and grabbed a towel.

"Snap out of it Reno." He said as he draped the towel around his partner's naked form and felt just how cold his skin was. "Oh Gaia."

"Hello?" He heard a voice in the other room.

"In here! Hurry!" He called. He just glanced back to see who it was. Rufus appeared in the entry.

"Rude, what's going on?"

"Sir, please help me."

There was no hesitation, Rufus immediately knelt next to the pair.

"What is it?"

"I think he's out of it again. And I think he's been in the cold water for a long time."

Rufus reached out and put a hand against Reno's cheek. Rude watched his face contort in shock and worry.

"He feels like ice." The president whispered. Rude moved away and grabbed another towel. He began drying off Reno's face and hair and arms.

"We should get him to the bed." Rufus said eventually, "then I'll call for help."

"Okay.' Rude secured the towel around Reno's waist to preserve him some privacy and lifted him out of the shower and to the bed. He began heaping blankets overtop of him while Rufus phoned for the doctor.

They both stood off to the side as the doctors came and tested Reno's vitals, put a heated blanket over him, hooked an IV into his arm. Reno was completely unresponsive, staring like he had those other times, at some unseen point in the distance. Meyer said he would keep a close check on his vitals but that he should survive the cold just fine– like he had when Cloud found him.

"But, I thought with the medication this wouldn't happen."

Meyer looked at Rude sympathetically. "I'm afraid there is no medicine to counter this. These states of catatonia are a severe condition, one that medicine cannot reverse. His other treatments can help to prevent a permanent state, but that is really up to Reno. When he overcomes the rest of his issues, he'll be able to overcome this– but only if he can pull himself back again."

"I don't understand." Rude said, not because Meyer hadn't explained well enough, but because he didn't want to comprehend that his friend might slip away and never come back. He felt Rufus rest a hand on his arm and knew his boss felt the same way.

* * *

><p>"<em>He's going to make it right?"<em>

_Reno stood clutching the rail on the side of Tseng's bed. He was still unconscious, his torso heavily bandaged where Sephiroth has stabbed him._

"_We've done our best." The doctor replied. Reno's knuckles turned white and deep noise grew out of the pit of his stomach. Meyer knew enough to moved back and Reno finally let go of the bar to release the growing noise into a full-out scream. A tray of bloodied equipment went flying. A nurse screamed and shielded herself but Reno didn't stop. He kicked a table and sent it into the back wall and finally made to slam his fist into the door but hit something a little less bone-breaking instead– well, slightly less anyway._

"_Rude...I didn't mean to hit you..." Reno looked from his fist in Rude's chest to his partner's stone face._

"_You would have broken your hand."_

"_Probably."_

_Reno slowly dropped his hand. Rude surveyed the damage in the room._

"_You realize this doesn't help."_

"_I know..." Reno said quietly._

"_He'll make it, you know he will."_

"_I..." But Reno looked back to the pale form on the bed. Tseng was his leader, his teacher, his __friend and his guidance in every aspect of life_. _Tseng had made him into who he was and he didn't know who he'd be without him. _

_But he also didn't know who he'd be without the man before him. His whole body sagged and Rude instinctively reached up to steady him. Reno just let himself fall against Rude's chest. Realizing what the other needed, Rude folded his arms around Reno and they just stood like that. _

_Reno could count the number of times he'd been hugged in his life. He wanted to be proud and hide his feelings, he wanted to live up to the reputation of Turk coldness_, _but right now he just wanted to feel his partner's strength. He wanted to be close to someone else who understood his pain._

"_I know." Reno said after several minutes. "He's the director. He'll be fine."_

_Rude looked down at his younger partner and a faint smile touched his lips. They just pulled away from one another before the door burst open. About a second later the tears burst out of Elena. Rude and Reno moved as one, each reaching for her, their arms enveloping her. _

_They stood in a huddled triangle, Reno's chin resting on top of Elena's head and his eye catching Rude's. He smiled. He wasn't sure why, because he was still upset and he was currently absorbing Elena's pain, but he still smiled, because he knew Rude was right. He knew Tseng would get over this, and he knew they'd all be together again. But he also smiled because he was able to give Elena what Rude had given him._

* * *

><p>Cloud stood over Reno's bed. It was late, the room dark, but Tifa's arm linked in his and nothing would pull him away until she was ready.<p>

"I just...don't think we should leave until he can hear us say goodbye." She whispered finally. Cloud nodded. He would have walked away from Shinra days ago if it hadn't been for Reno and Tifa. He was well recovered, though the doctors had still suggested he remain on bed rest.

Barrett had informed them that the tavern was in operating order, and that the customers seemed willing to forgive them. Neither Cloud nor Tifa liked the idea of their patrons and friends hating them. They wanted to get back, make things right, but they didn't want to run away from the person they'd invested so much time in helping. Rude had been frank with them. He'd explained the last thing Reno had said before entering his most recent state of catatonia. They knew that Reno was considering what Tifa had told Cloud from the start– that if they let them, the Turks might turn Reno back into what he feared.

From their impressions of Rude and Elena, however, they didn't see the Turks as having that particular goal, but they did see it as inevitable. In order to be a Turk again, Reno would have to be willing to do whatever he was ordered. And if his friends wanted him to be a Turk again, they would intentionally or unintentionally take him down that path.

"We'll make sure he has the choice." Cloud said, knowing Tifa would understand his reasoning, "it's all we can do."

"Okay." She said, sighing in the dark and clutching the swordsman a little tighter.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry to go on a downswing again, but trust me, it's for a reason which will lead to important things in the next chapter(s). Thanks for sticking with me this far!<em>**

**_Riza_**


	18. Chapter 18

"_Just like when you were a kid."_

_Reno's head shot out of his hands so fast Tseng just saw the blur of his face before it was staring right back at him. Shock registered on the red head's face before a wide smile took over and Reno jumped out of his chair and was at Tseng's bedside in an instant._

"_TSENG!" He cried out in the middle of the ward. He knew he probably woke up patients several doors down but he didn't care._

"_Well, this isn't a good sign, how long have I been out?"_

"_A while, Sir." Reno said, out of breath from his excitement. It really was like when Tseng had woken from the surgery on his calf, except that child had been scared and nervous. The man before him, however, was overwhelmingly relived, but something else showed behind those green eyes._

"_Reno, details."_

"_Two weeks." _

"_Not what I meant."_

_Reno's joy faded. He shoved his hands into his pockets, a sure sign of bad news._

"_Reno?" Tseng asked again, trying not to sound panicked._

"_Sir...Sephiroth is dead."_

_Tseng wanted to say that was a good thing but he knew Reno was just postponing whatever he had to say._

"_And?"_

"_And...he killed Miss Aerith, sir."_

_The sharp intake of breath was enough to tell Reno the news hit Tseng as hard as he'd expected._

"_Details." Tseng said again. Reno nodded and described what he'd been told. Sephiroth had murdered Aerith just before Cloud could save her. Cloud was unaccounted for but had reportedly destroyed Sephiroth._

_Tseng absorbed the information like a professional, even though he was still very weak and had just woken up. Reno said he was going to get the doctor but Tseng caught his hand and he was forced to stop._

"_Director, they'll wanna know you're awake._

_Tesng just shook his head. Reno stood, caught in indecision for a moment then he moved back toward his chair and Tseng released him._

"_You don't have to stay." Tseng said, not looking at him, eyes on the ceiling and Reno could see the pain there. He knew those eyes well by now._

"_Yes, I do."_

_The director shot him a look, then turned away again. There were no words. They didn't need them. Reno would stay at his side– he would always be at his side, because that's how he'd been raised, because that's how much he knew and understood his mentor. It took some time, but eventually Tseng shut his eyes and went to sleep._

* * *

><p>"The day I found out she died, I understood what family was and what it was like to lose it. No. That's not entirely true. The day you were in the infirmary after the Plate... it was a pain I'd never felt before, right in my chest. When I saw your pain it was like I was feeling it too, like you were that little slum kid I'd brought home that day and everything that happened to you was my responsibility. It's really awful, having your feelings tied to another, but I couldn't help it. I can't help it."<p>

Reno listened to Tseng's words. He could feel himself on his back in a bed but he didn't open his eyes yet, didn't let the other know he was awake.

"Turks aren't supposed to feel, but it's a lie whenever we say that. We're human, we take pride in that– take pride in having no mako energy in us to enhance us. But then we shun the part of us that makes us most human. Of course the visage makes us stronger in the public, but we never should have tried keeping it up among ourselves."

Reno heard him sigh long and deep. He imagined the director's hands coming up to his face and when he spoke next he knew that was exactly what he had done. His slightly muffled voice continued, edged with great pain.

"That's why you ran that day. That's why I didn't see this coming. Dammit!" He stood suddenly and Reno couldn't help that his body jerked in surprise at a sudden noise. Even as the metal tray clanked on the floor Tseng caught the movement and rushed to Reno's side.

"Oh Gaia Reno, I'm sorry." He said, voice still pained and Reno finally opened his eyes. He was shocked at the way the director stood over his bed, face strained. His hands were actually shaking when he grabbed Reno's shoulders. "Reno you're back."

He pulled the red head close and that's when Reno smelled it. The distinct sharp smell of strong liquor.

"Tseng?" As usual, his voice was hoarse. He tried to push the other back and eventually Tseng let go, cluing in to the other's need.

"Water, I'll get you some water."

"Tseng, what the hell? What's going on?" He almost called the director out on being intoxicated but then stopped himself. He sat up as Tseng went to fill a glass in the bathroom. He felt a sharp pain in his arm and the tug of something and followed a clear tube from his vein to a bag suspended above him.

"Oh shit, they had to put me on an iv, how long was I out?" He said it more to himself but repeated the question when Tseng returned.

"Here." Tseng gave him the glass, trying to be as steady as possible. Reno had seen Tseng drunk a couple of times before– they were human after all and sometimes the whole team would go out together. Usually Tseng remained sober but even he would give into indulgence occasionally.

"Tseng, I asked how long."

Tseng reached out and put a hand in Reno's hair. He was starting to panic but fortunately his mind put pieces together quickly. He looked back down at himself. Still had the cast and the splint on his thumb– he could only have been out for a short time then.

"Geeze, Tseng, nearly gave me a freakin' heart attack. So what? A few days?"

Tseng just nodded, offering no details. Reno gulped, thinking he spotted tears in the others' eyes.

"Tseng, why don't you sit down?"

"I'm sorry Reno."

"No worries, man, just take a seat, yo."

"No, Reno...I never say what I ought to when I'm sober. It shouldn't take a few drinks for me to say what I should say. I've failed as your leader."

"No you haven't!"

Tseng didn't say anything. Reno gulped at his water and handed the glass back to Tseng just so the other would have to go fill it. He was still a bit confused, as always after a blackout, but he didn't like this. He didn't want to hear Tseng say these things. He didn't want to see Tseng doubt himself. He didn't want to see Tseng cry.

Tseng was still in the bathroom and Reno pulled off the covers and stood. He knew he would have fallen down if it weren't for the pole the IV was on. It had wheels and he was able to cling to it and move slowly across the room. He got to the telephone but Tseng arrived first. His hand fell over the hook, shutting off the dial tone.

"Don't Reno."

"You should go to sleep, Tseng. I'll call Rude."

Tseng shook his head and set the water on the desk then took the receiver from Reno's hand. Reno stared back at him.

"Don't do this Tseng."

"We've needed to have this talk for a long time."

Reno shook his head, taking a step back but Tseng wasn't going to let him escape.

"You know it's true Reno." For every step Reno took backwards, dragging his iv with him, Tseng took a step forward and also held onto the pole, maintaining their proximity.

"Director, don't..."

"I'm not infallible, Reno. You are proof of that. You need to know that. I failed you. I failed all those people. It's not you who should be suffering from all this, it's _me_! It's my fault, not yours."

"No..."

"Yes, Reno! I was wrong! But why am I not the one in this room? Why has the guilt not destroyed me?"

Reno's back was against the wall, his legs trembling and his hand slick with sweat slid along the IV pole until it butted up against Tseng's white knuckles.

"Because..." Reno began shakily, "because you're stronger."

"NO!" The word came out so quick and loud Reno flinched back into the wall but Tseng grabbed his chin and made him look at him.

"No Reno," his voice was calm again, "that's not it, Reno."

"But it is... I can't do it, Tseng, I can't be a Turk again. I can't do what has to be done." He responded with equal calm.

Tseng's eyes burned into his, but he had said what he knew was the truth. "Yes you can Reno. I'm not stronger than you. I'm weaker. I'm not whole. I lost my soul long ago, and at least I didn't manage to steal that from you too. But I took everything else. Your youth, your innocence, your life."

Reno heard the break in the director's voice before the first tear fell out. He gasped. He couldn't help it. He didn't think anyone had ever seen him cry.

"And I killed all of them!" Tseng said as it all spilled over, the tear into sobs, his grip on Reno failed and suddenly Reno found himself holding on to the director. He couldn't support them both and they slid down the wall, Tseng's body still hunched and cradled against Reno's chest.

"Boss..."

"I need you Reno. I need you to be my soul, my conscience. I need you to tell me when to stop."

"I..." he didn't know what to say. Tseng was drunk, maybe this wasn't real, maybe he'd wake up and they'd pretend it had never happened. But if Tseng remembered, if he was serious, then it really was everything Reno wanted. He wanted his family, but he wanted them to change. He didn't want to hurt innocents anymore.

"Okay." He whispered. He didn't know if Tseng could hear. He felt his body shaking. He knew it was mostly the alcohol. But he hoped it wouldn't all go away in the morning.

The door to his room burst open and Rude appeared, out of breath. Behind him, Elena peered around his large form. But both froze at the scene they saw. Reno stared back at them over their director's now nearly limp form, his arms still tight around him. He just nodded to them, to say it was okay. Rude carefully approached and grabbed the director's shoulders.

"C'mon sir, bed time." He started to pull him back but Tseng suddenly went rigid and grabbed Reno's shirt. Reno flinched at the tight grasp but saw what was coming in his boss's face.

"Ah, Rude, quick–"

Too late. Reno shut his eyes as Tseng puked right into his chest. There was a mumbled apology and then Tseng was limp.

* * *

><p>Reno sat on the lid of the toilet in his boxers and leaned back against the cold porcelain while Rude filled the sink with warm water and Elena wrapped up his bleeding arm from where his IV had torn out unnoticed when he and Tseng had fallen to the floor.<p>

He had his eyes closed until he was startled open by the touch of the warm, wet cloth to his skin.

"Aren't you two sweet." he smiled at his friends taking care of him. Rude pretended to be annoyed as he wiped the cloth over Reno's chest to get the sticky remains of puke off of him. His clothes were in a heap in the bathtub, the smell still reeking.

"Damn, how did he get so drunk?"

"It's my fault." Elena said as she finished the bandaged and stood up straight. "I suggested we all have a meal together. We went to Tseng's apartment and he brought out his rum. I guess he didn't put it away when we left."

"So you were partying without me?" Reno accused. Elena looked a bit hurt though and he caught her hand and squeezed it. "Just joking."

"I know." She said back quietly.

"Well, why don't we make up for it now?"

"What?"

Rude handed him a towel and he dried himself off and stood. His legs didn't quite want to support him though and he ended up supported between them both.

"I mean it. Let's go."

"Reno's its four o'clock in the morning. You need to–"

"No. Please. I could really go for some food." He looked between them both. Elena looked worried but Rude seemed to make up his mind quickly.

"Put your clothes on first." Rude said and Reno smiled up at him. Elena hesitated before smiling as well. They helped him back into the bedroom and change into another set of pyjamas.

"Wait here a second." Rude left and came back with a wheel chair. He helped Reno into it and pushed him through the dark halls of the mansion.

"What are we going to do?" Elena asked still a bit concerned.

"I don't know, what do you want to eat, Reno?" Rude asked.

"A burger. I _really_ just want a burger."

"We're going to have some burgers, Elena." Rude responded.

* * *

><p>Forty Minutes later they were in Rude's apartment sat around his kitchen table with paper bags and tin foil wrap strewn about them. Reno was still picking at his fries but the burger had almost been too much for him so eventually he gave up. The other two were leaned back in their chairs, also content, they were all only half awake.<p>

"Thanks." Reno said eventually.

Rude just grunted.

"I never did ask how long I was out this time."

"Six days."

Reno sipped up the last of his pop.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Whatever happened to Cloud and Tifa?"

"Still here."

"They are?" Reno was rather shocked.

"Tifa didn't want to leave you. They talked to me about why..."

Reno just nodded. It wasn't hard to figure out.

"Tseng said..." Rude sat up a bit now, "Tseng said he wants me back."

"Of course he does."

"Because he doesn't want to make a mistake like the Plate again."

Rude's eyebrow raised.

Reno felt a tear rise up in his eyes. He ignored the few that slid over the edge. "He said he was wrong."

Reno wiped the tears away, not sure why he was crying now. Elena moved around the table to his side. Rude stared hard at him across the table, wanting to hear this.

"He said he wanted me to be his...conscience...so we won't mess up like that again." Reno felt Elena's arm slide around his shoulders and squeeze him tight. He leaned into her and hiccuped a couple times before calming his breath again. He kept palming away tears. "I want that more than anything but I don't know if I can. I don't know if Tseng really meant it. I can't do what Turks do again unless I know we'll never do something like that again."

"If Tseng said it, then he meant it."

"I know." Reno said. "The only thing is...it's not completely up to him is it? Rufus gives the orders.."

"You were going to have a meeting with them, remember?"

"Yeah."

Elena squeezed his shoulder again. "Then I'm sure everything can be sorted out."

Rude nodded too. Reno closed his eyes. He was exhausted. A few moments later her felt himself lifted and was asleep before his head ever hit the pillow.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Wow, sorry for the long delay again, but good news, I already have the next chapter finished so look for that to come out this weekend. You definitely deserve a fast update after the last stretch! And, as you can see, I needed another downswing in Reno in order to get Tseng drunk! That was a tough scene to write, but I was satisfied with it in the end.<strong>_

_**Let me know what you thought!**_

_**Riza**_


	19. Chapter 19

Reno was confused for a few minutes when he woke in the morning. This was not his room. It was not white, no instruments. He sat up in the middle of a king sized bed and struggled his way out of the sheets. His legs were still shaky but he got moving and made his way through the darkness to a door. When he opened it he remembered. Tin foil wrappers, greasy wax paper and left over fries. Rude on the couch, Elena curled in an arm chair. He smiled.

It was nice to wake up in a real apartment, with his friends. He looked out the window and saw that he had only been asleep for a few hours, it must have only be eight o'clock in the morning.

He considered waking Rude up, but then he decided against it. They would probably want to take him back to his room but he wanted to see someone first.

He moved silently through the halls of Shinra. He guessed it must be a weekend because he didn't run into many employees and the ones he did obviously didn't recognize him or he was sure he'd have been escorted back to his room by now. He avoided the main halls and stairs and anywhere he knew there was security until he came to the room he wanted. He knew Cloud was a lot better but he hoped they'd still be here.

He opened the door and sighed when he found the medical room empty. They'd probably moved to one of the empty apartments in the building.

"Reno." he turned and the door snapped shut behind him.

"Tifa!"

She had two coffees in her hands and a paper bag under one arm. She looked him up and down and cocked her head to one side, "you running again?"

"No. Well, I'm not exactly supposed to be here..."

"Then you better come inside."

He held open the door for her then followed her in.

"Darn." she said, setting down the bag. "I was going to surprise him with breakfast."

"Where is he?"

"Who knows. He keeps slinking off supposedly to check on what Shinra is up to these days but I'm pretty sure he's been sparring with SOLDIER."

"So he's okay now?"

"Well, he'd never say otherwise, but yes, thanks to being here he's taken way more time to heal than he normally would. It's good for him."

"Good."

"Well, want a coffee and a bagel since Cloud decided to wander off?"

"Sure."

Reno sat opposite Tifa across the small table. The room was a medical one but clearly they'd rearranged it for their extended stay.

"Shinra couldn't spring for an apartment for you?"

Tifa just smiled. "Cloud would never go for it. He's either afraid it means we'll never leave or he's too proud to accept anything else from them."

"He is stubborn."

"Yeah."

They ate and drank in silence for a bit. Reno's hands were a bit shaky, he was still weak, but the bagel filled him up, and though he didn't tell Tifa he wasn't supposed to have stimulants, the coffee tasted great and he felt warm and awake. He sat back in his chair as content as he had been after his burger.

"So Reno, what's going on?"

Reno closed his eyes. He breathed in deep, then he began. It was the reason he'd come. Tifa listened as he knew she would. He knew she was sceptical of the Turks, of Shinra, but that was part of the reason he needed her take on things. He finished and opened his eyes again, watching her reactions.

"Reno, I think this sounds like the Turks are willing to change at least a little bit. It sounds like you have a chance to make the difference you wanted. And I think this meeting with Rufus is a good idea. But I think you need to keep your head clear and make sure everyone is keeping to their word."

He nodded.

"I think you're right."

She smiled.

"You already knew all that anyway."

"But I needed...I needed to hear you say it. I was afraid you might tell me not to trust them and run."

"And would you?"

"Yes."

She actually looked surprised.

"Well, I trust your judgement a lot more than mine." Reno explained with a smile.

"You shouldn't. You need to learn to trust in yourself again."

"Maybe."

"You do."

He nodded. "I guess I'm afraid of being naive. I mean, I get that Shinra is what it is, and probably always will be. I know that the Turks will never have clean hands, and in this world, I do think the solutions to problems can sometimes be brutal. But some things, like the Plate- we tore through thousands just to try and stop a few. There were so many other ways that could have been handled. I..." he paused trying to gather his thoughts but Tifa took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Reno, like I said, I think it does sound like Tseng is willing question order like that. Maybe that's the best change you'll ever get. But you have decide for yourself what line you won't cross, what line the Turks shouldn't cross. I won't tell you what that line is, but you'll know you've crossed it if you see Avalanche standing in your way."

Reno's head shot up. She still held his hand, but her words were hard. And when he looked at her eyes, he knew that she was his line- Tifa, Cloud, Barrett- anyone in Avalanche. He knew the Turks would surely do their dirty work in the shadows, crimes against criminals that would never be known to anyone else. But if ever they stood off against Avalanche- if ever he was staring at her beautiful brown eyes across the battlefield- he would know he was on the wrong side. And he would not cross that line.

"Thank you." he said abruptly. "You know I could never fight you, right, Tifa?"

"Of course," and she smiled, "because you know I'd win."

He grinned before sighing and standing up. "Then I know my line. So my job is to keep Shinra from crossing it."

She nodded, stood up and gave him a hug. He hugged back tightly.

"Good bye."

She withdrew and looked at him. "Good bye?"

"You and Cloud have put your life on hold too long for me. I know you want to go back. You've helped me so much I can never repay you."

"Reno, are you sure?"

"I know what to do. If I can't...then I'll walk away."

"Well, walk straight back into my bar okay?"

"No can do, no changing what the people in the sectors think of me."

She didn't deny it. He stood. The door opened and Cloud walked in, sweaty, confirming Tifa's suspicions of his real reasons for leaving.

"They're looking for you." Cloud said bluntly to Reno.

"Figures. Guess I better get going. See you round Cloud, and thanks for all the help."

Cloud shot Tifa a look. She took his hand, "time for us to go home."

He looked surprised but didn't argue. He put a hand on Reno's shoulder and squeezed it tight. "Good luck."

"You too." The red head walked out the door. Tifa sighed deep and Cloud put an arm around her.

"You're sweaty." She protested weakly.

He ignored the comment. "It's the right thing to do, you know. He has to be able to do this on his own, and I think he's ready."

"I guess."

"Come on, let's see how much damage Barrett's done to our bar."

* * *

><p>"Reno. I wasn't aware you were free to roam the mansion– or awake, for that matter."<p>

Reno turned from where he leaned heavily on the wall. He had felt fine when talking to Tifa, but he had underestimated how tired he still was from the blackout. The walk back to his room had completly exhausted him.

"Hey, boss." Reno drawled, seeing Rufus. "Funny thing. Woke up last night, had a party, visited with some old friends, and I was just on my way back to my room."

Rufus just stared at him for a second before deciding he must be joking. "I just about had the place locked down again, Reno."

"Sorry boss man. Umm, could you give me a hand?" He felt his grip on the wall slipping. Rufus came over to him and slung his arm across his shoulders and slid his other hand around his waist.

"Thanks, yo."

"You know, the last time I tried to help you, I ended up tranqued on the floor."

"No good deed goes unpunished."

Rufus smirked. They continued down the hallway in silence. Reno knew he was tired, knew he was supposed to wait for their meeting, but he had to know.

"Rufus. Do you regret it?"

"Hm?"

"The Plate. Do you regret it?" There was the slightest hitch in Rufus's stride that Reno only noticed because he happened to be hanging off of him.

"There are a lot of things I regret, Reno."

Reno was not pleased at this.

"So what, it was just another bad judgement call?"

"I did what I thought was necessary."

Reno stopped walking and Rufus half stumbled.

"Reno, come on, we're almost there."

"Not until you give me a straight answer."

"I don't take orders from you, Reno."

"Fuck off Rufus, just tell me!"

Rufus was pissed now and didn't resist when Reno pulled away from him. They were in the hallway just under the private facilities where he was being treated. It was empty. Reno stared back at Rufus, just as angry and fell against the wall, leaning against it and trying to keep his knees locked and himself standing.

"Reno. I have given you the best care possible without any promise that you'll ever be of any use to me again."

"Bullshit. That means nothing. You like me, I know that, we practically grew up together. I don't care about that. I care about what you feel when you think about Sector Seven. I care if you would do it all over again!"

"I don't owe you any damn answers."

"YES YOU DO!"

Rufus stared back at him. Reno finally gave in and slid down the wall but kept his eyes locked with Rufus even from where he sat. "You gave the order to Tseng. He gave it to me. You are responsible for every order you ever give, so own it and fucking tell me what you feel."

"I feel like I did the day my father was murdered."

Reno absorbed this. Rufus was still angry but this seemed sincere. "I had caused it but I was still lost. I regretted it immediately. But there was no taking it back. And I knew then that I'd just keep making the same types of decisions. The only selfless decision I ever made was to bring you home from the slums that day and to be honest, not even that was entirely selfless."

Reno's eyes widened. He had never asked. He had never known who's decision it had been but he'd always believed it was Tseng.

"You said to take me back?"

"Of course. No one else would dare save the life of someone who threatened mine."

"Wh-why?"

"Because you were young, like me. Because you were a survivor, and I thought I was too. Because you never cried or begged, just stared at death like my father always did. Because you were rebellious, and so was I."

"You think we're alike?"

"I did."

"And now?"

"I know that if it had been me on that Plate, I wouldn't be sitting on the floor a mess like you. I'd still be standing here, in my mansion, in my clean suit, probably never giving it a second thought."

Reno shut his eyes. The words rolled cold over his soul. Rufus wouldn't change. Rufus was a Shinra. He _was_ Shinra. How could he have ever expected that to change?

"You aren't like me." Reno's eyes shot open, Rufus was kneeling before him staring straight back at him. "You shouldn't be like me. But I'll never change, even if I know I keep doing the same things, keep committing the same crimes. It's in my blood Reno."

"You won't try? You don't wish you could take it back?"

"Ahh, but I said I regret, didn't I? Isn't wanting to take things back the definition of regret? I would, Reno, I would take it back, along with so many things, but no, I won't try to change, because that's the difference between _regret_ and _repentance._ I don't have it in me to repent, but you do. I don't want to keep piling on regrets, Reno. So when you're better, you can leave. Or you can stay, and fight me when you think I'm wrong. I can't tell you what I'll do. I can't tell you I'll see the light, I can't tell you that I won't give into the same ambitions, and temptations as before. But I think you might be able to help me take the right path some times."

"Rufus."

"Reno?"

"That's not good enough. I want you to _try. _Can you just, well, try to try? Can't you just remember the pain when you have those regrets and try not to make the same mistakes? Why can't _that _be your ambition?"

Rufus looked back at him evenly. "You're starting to sound naive, Reno."

"Oh really? I was going for _hopeful _but if you're going to be a bitch about it then never mind."

"Did you just call me a 'bitch' Reno?"

"Yeah, I fucking did. You're Rufus Shinra, you can do anything, so why not do this?"

"Because its bad for business, Reno. A conscience doesn't keep you in money and power."

"Then this whole fucking conversation has been a waste of time!" Reno pushed himself back up the wall, fuelled by anger now.

"What are you going to do?"

"I can't stand to look at your face a second longer." He started storming away as best he could.

"But you can stand to take my help, use my doctors, and my medicine and my facilities?"

Reno raised his middle finger as he continued to walk away. "You owe me!" he said and then stopped, turning back around to face him. "In fact, you owe the whole fucking world!"

"Do I?"

"YES!"

"For what?"

Reno actually smiled. He took a few steps back towards Rufus. "For everything. Shinra created Sephiroth. Sephiroth nearly destroyed the whole city with his attacks. He could have destroyed the whole world if Cloud hadn't ended him first."

"_I _didn't create Sephiroth." Rufus protested.

"AHA!" Reno stormed right up to him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and shoving his finger into his chest repeatedly, emphasizing each word. "But you just said it's in your blood. This lust for power, this corruption, this inability to change. Well then the sins of your father are in your blood too. Sephiroth, the whole Jenova experiment! If you want to say you can't change because of your blood then all that's on you too! So pick, dammit! Are you gonna be a man and chose your own destiny or are you going to ride on daddy's greedy, bloody, fat disgusting coat tails for the rest of your life?"

Reno was floored by the smack to his jaw. He had expended most of his energy as it was and when he tipped the scales and insulted President Shinra Sr, Rufus lost it and punched him square on. They had been so close that there hadn't been much power in it but Rufus still rubbed his sore knuckles and Reno still struggled to even get to his hands and knees. He managed his knees and elbows, forehead just an inch above the carpet.

"So what? You practically killed the bastard yourself now you gonna defend him."

"Dammit Reno, shut up, do you want me to kick you while you're down?"

Reno let out a laugh. "Man, you sure must like me if you're actually withholding that legendary Shinra blind-rage and rash actions. Makes me think it wouldn't be so hard to change after all."

"Reno..."

"I mean, a second ago you said it was in your blood, out of your control, you could never change but I don't know, man. I've never seen you let anyone else get away with what I just did with nothing more than a bruise on the chin."

"Do you want me to kick your ass Reno? What are you playing at?"

Reno's body was trembling in exhaustion. He could feel the pressure at the top of his stomach and knew he was going to be sick. But he strained his body to focus for a few more minutes. He stared into the carpet as if it was Rufus's own face.

"No sir. I don't. I was just trying to make a point."

"All this was to make a point? Are you crazy?"

"Yes sir, I am. That's why you're paying the doctors the big bucks right?"

"Not what I meant, Reno."

"I need to know, Rufus. I can't do this if I can't find the hope. I think Tseng's there. I think he's ready to help me with this, ready to see change in the Turks. But it's gotta be you, the boss man. You have to save us all, Rufus."

"Don't be so dramatic Reno."

"Sorry, yo." He took a trembling breath and tried to bite back the sobs and the nausea and the general desire to face plant and never move again. "But this is it. This is literally life and death for me man, so if you can't be _bothered_ to make an effort to see things from another light, one that's not your father's or a business point of view, then there is no point in me ever getting up off this carpet."

He couldn't see Rufus but the silence was deafening. He choked out a sob, mostly of frustration when he felt his coffee and bagel returning. He didn't care about the carpet. He didn't care about the pain, he cared about what Rufus was saying and staying in this moment without breaking. He rolled on his side, away from his mess and didn't move any further except for the gentle shaking of his body in utter exhaustion. He couldn't open his eyes, couldn't look at Rufus because he was afraid of what he might see.

"You really are something." Rufus said quietly. "You're so weak you can't stand. So sick you can't keep food down and so dependent on drugs if you miss a dose your lose your mind and your emotions. But you still manipulated me. You still used every Turk instinct to get me to do what you want."

Rufus grabbed the front of Reno's shirt pulled Reno into a sitting position his body hanging limp in the grasp.

"Reno, open your eyes."

Reno obeyed.

"You are the biggest pain in my ass, I should have left you rotting in the slums, but the fact is I didn't, and for better or worse you're my friend. You've fucking twisted my own words back on me, I know, but now I can't ignore them. I'm not a bitch, I'm not my father but that doesn't mean I can change into who you think I should be. But Reno...I will try to try if it means I can be my own man."

Reno said nothing, his eyes were shutting.

"Reno!"

"Sounds...like a plan..." Reno's head lolled back now too. Rufus was hunched on the ground, holding the frail man up by his clothes. Tseng rounded the corner, seeing the fresh bruise, the vomit, the general pallor of Reno.

"I'd say it isn't want it looks like..." Rufus said, gently setting Reno back on the floor. "But it kind of is..."

Tseng came up slowly and cautiously knelt to check Reno's pulse. He sighed with relief.

"You thought I killed him?" Rufus asked, not making any move. He noted Tseng's own paleness, his dishevelled hair and clothes as the director sat back on the other side of Reno.

"Well, if you had, I think it would have been the result of our combined efforts."

"Oh?"

Tseng grabbed his head in pain. "Well, I don't really remember much of last night but I don't think I did him any favours."

"We kind of screwed up in everything where he's concerned, didn't we?" Rufus said quietly.

Tseng looked across Reno's body to him. He reached out a hand and was just able to touch the president's knee.

"It wasn't your fault, sir."

"Yes it was." he sighed resignedly. "I'm tired of breaking everyone I touch."

"Me too."

"Is it too late for us?"

"I don't know."

"Reno doesn't seem to think so."

"He thinks too highly of us all."

Rufus considered the statement. "Maybe we owe it to him then, to live up to his expectations."

"It would cost you the most, sir."

"I know. But I told him I would try–or at least "try to try" I believe is our contract."

"If he lives to uphold it. We need to get him help."

Tseng grabbed one side, Rufus the other. Without any further discussion they got him back to the infirmary.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Rufus has probably been the hardest character to portray, I don't want to make him too good or too bad...like I said, hard. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I added a little bit to clarify on what Reno's really seeking out here. I guess I implied that the Turks would completely change in the last chapter, but what I meant was that they would make a change towards not crossing a certain line and that Reno's ambition is to hold them to that- ie, no more experiements to create monsters no more killing hundreds of people just to stop a few. Anyway, I think Reno's conversation with Tifa explains it better than I'm doing right now so I'll leave it there.**_

_**Thanks!**_

_**Riza.**_


	20. Chapter 20

Rude entered Reno's room already smiling. It had been two weeks since the incident in the hall and though Dr. Meyer had been pissed at them all for their unprofessional conduct around his patient, it seemed the twelve hours of mayhem did wonders for Reno. Not that he didn't have a bad bruise on his jaw, or slept for nearly an entire day because he was so drained, but he had finally crossed that point when he could see hope.

And today, when Rude strolled in, he was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, fighting with his hair in the mirror, getting ready to move back into his own apartment.

Rude watched him fidget with a strand before finally spitting in his palm and wiping it back.

"That's disgusting Reno." Reno shot him a look and smiled devilishly.

"What, don't tell me you've never used a little spit to shine up that bald head o' yours!"

"Asshole."

"I know."

Reno grinned and stepped back. That was when Rude noticed something else.

"You're cast is gone."

"Yep, thumb will be off soon too." he held out his arm, a bit shrivelled but it wasn't the first time it had been that way. The limb had seen a lot of damage over the years and Rude took it gently in his hand, tracing over the surgery scars.

"It looks good. Has the physio therapist seen you yet?"

Reno stepped back and moved his arms all around, rotating it, punching the air. "Yup but she says it's A-okay!"

"That's great."

"Yeah."

"So what have they told you? I haven't seen the doctor yet."

Reno pulled out a chair and sat down while pulling on his socks and shoes.

"Well, reactivation as a Turk is still a long way off– though Rufus and Tseng could really override that if they wanted but they don't. They want me to meet the psychologist and doctor's expectations. But since everything has gone so well the last couple weeks they think it would be alright for me to go back to my own apartment and start mingling with the general population again.

"Yeah?"

"Well, with a guard on me, that is. I still have a lot of appointments with the doctors and stuff but just sitting in here everyday isn't good for me either. They said it would be fine for me to start exercising and sparring again. And I am supposed to get fresh air at least once a day but that's kind of up to you guys." He smiled cockily at Rude. "They know no regular security detail could keep me from bolting if I wanted to!"

"Well, it's true." Rude clapped Reno on the back when he stood. The door opened and a guard stepped in, it was the one Reno had knocked out back in his padded cell. But the guy clearly didn't hold a grudge, he and Reno had become pretty good friends over the last few weeks.

"Yo Roger, I'm all set."

"Mornin' Reno, Rude. Want some breakfast first?"

Reno nodded. Rude followed them out and they went down to the cafeteria. As they lived and worked in the Mansion, Shinra provided them with all their meals, if they chose. Lower level employees didn't have much choice but higher ups like the Turks had kitchens in their apartments so they had the choice. But busy schedules often drove them to eat hasty meals in the cafeteria.

It was nice. Really there was no other word for it. Reno did his usual and piled his tray with more food than he could possibly eat. Rude grabbed a reasonable bowl of porridge and side of eggs. Roger ate too, he was the guard but he wasn't meant to hover over Reno and draw attention to the fact that he was under strict supervision. Not that there was a single person in the dinning hall who didn't know of his condition. Or even if they hadn't, such casual clothes as t-shirt and jeans in the middle of the work-week also stood out like a sore thumb among the sea of varying uniforms.

Reno finished much sooner than normal, but Rude was aware his appetite was no longer what it used to be- a combination of all he'd been through and the side effect of his medication.

He sat back and sighed.

"Well, Rude, time for you to go to work, right?"

Rude nodded. "I'll catch up with you later, go for a walk outside, alright?"

"Sure thing, yo." Reno sighed and waved him off.

* * *

><p>Rude sat in the morning meeting, listening to the news with shock.<p>

"Not dead?" Tseng stammered out finally, his normal calm vanished and voicing the thoughts of every other Turk in the room. The table was full, the whole lot of them were here, that was, except Reno. Rude suddenly felt a selfish fear creep over him. If they had to face this threat again, they needed Reno. He'd been incapacitated by Strife last time, and now he was out of the game again. Tseng had nearly died. They needed their second in command and he needed his partner.

"We're not exactly sure how," Rufus continued, "but Sephiroth seems to have survived his fight with Strife somehow. It seems we all underestimated the power of the Jenova cells."

"Sir," Tseng continued. "Last time he attempted to wipe out the city with Meteor. Is he strong enough to do so again?"

"It is unclear. The reports came from only two surviving soldiers who happened upon his location. But they were drawn there by strange lights and sounds. It seems he was attempting some sort of summoning when they found him."

There was dark silence.

"We need to find him, stop him now!" One Turk shouted.

"No, there's no chance, we need to evacuate the city!"

An uproar broke out, panic unlike any that should occur in a meeting of Turks. But Rude was surprised when it was Elena who shouted loudest beside him.

"We have to tell Strife."

This earned her a few sceptical looks but no one was willing to deny the possibility either. Silence was regained and Rufus slowly put his attention on her.

"Find him. Now."

"Yes sir."

"Go with her." He said to Rude. Rude didn't want to leave yet, he wanted more details, but he agreed with Elena. They made their exit. When they were just a few feet from the door, they could hear the commotion breaking out again.

* * *

><p>Tifa looked up when she heard the shattering of glass and didn't miss a beat in running around the bar to where Cloud was kneeling over the shattered beer glasses he'd dropped. He grabbed his head between both hands and his breath came out ragged between clenched teeth.<p>

"Cloud! Cloud what is it?"

But Cloud couldn't hear her. Morning light caught the shattered glass around him, reflecting it back into his eyes. She saw then, his pupils rapidly changing size, the colour of his eyes flashing violently between blue and green. Then he let out a strained groan and collapsed sideways against her.

"Cloud!"

He wasn't out, but he lay against her for few moments just breathing and sorting through whatever had just happened to him.

"Cloud, talk to me."

"He's..." he rubbed his forehead, the world still not quite in focus. "Tifa I felt him."

"Who?"

"Sephiroth."

She gasped and held him tighter. Eventually his head was cleared enough that he stood with her help. But when he was back on two feet there was no hesitation, he was heading for the back door.

"Cloud, what are you doing?" But she already knew as she followed him to the shed where Fenrir was waiting.

"I can't wait. You stay and call the other members of AVALANCHE. I have to find him."

"You can't, not on your own."

He had pushed past the back doors now to the shed and straddled his bike. The blades shot out at vertical angles in their compartments and he inspected each in turn, ignoring Tifa.

"DAMMIT CLOUD!" He looked up now, slowly, not really wanting to meet her gaze. "Tifa, you aren't coming. This battle is between the two of us."

"No..."

"Good bye."

"NOOO!" Tifa cried desperately, uselessly, as Cloud disappeared, never giving her a second glance.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for such a short update but it has been so long that I didn't want to delay any longer. I am hoping to have quicker updates in the next few weeks since I am currently jobless.<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

"Hey, I thought Rude was meeting us to go outside." Reno said when Roger told him they were going to see Dr. Meyer. "I don't see the doc until tomorrow."

"Things changed." Roger responded, voice tight. Reno stopped.

"What? What did I do wrong?"

Roger's shoulders dropped, he tried to relax and look more calm.

"I'm sorry Reno, you haven't done anything wrong. This is something else."

"Okay..."

Now thoroughly concerned, Reno followed Roger out the door and down the halls.

When they reached the door and Reno saw what was inside he promptly turned around and tried to leave but Roger grabbed him from behind. He remained facing the open doorway.

"Nope, not doing this. Whatever it is, not happening." Reno protested.

He had quickly glanced Tseng, Rufus, Dr. Meyer and two orderlies with little bottles of clear liquid just waiting to be sucked up by a syringe.

"Reno please." Tseng said. "Don't be scared."

"Ha, easy for you to say. This looks bad, what the hell is going on?" he asked as he was steered back around into the room and the door shut with a resounding clank behind him. "Where's Rude?" He asked nervously as he was guided into a chair.

"Looking for Cloud." Tseng responded.

"Okay seriously, what is going on?" They all faced him seriously. "You have bad news." Reno read on their faces. "And you're afraid I'll freak out..." That would explain the vials. He jumped out of his chair before Roger could catch him but Tseng grabbed a hold of his front. "Oh Gaia where's Elena?"

"No, she's fine Reno, everyone is fine."

"Then if no one died, what the hell?"

"Sephiroth is back." Rufus said calmly. Tseng's eyes flashed in annoyance at Rufus' brevity.

"Whoa, wait, what?" Reno stepped back from Tseng and sat down. "Back from where? He didn't go anywhere he _died._"

"Apparently not." Rufus said and Reno tore his eyes away from Tseng to look at the boss. He hadn't seen much of Rufus since the day in the hallway, he knew the president was struggling with what he'd agreed to and needed some time before he and Reno ever addressed the topic again. But now he stared at Reno as if he wasn't sick at all, as if he was a Turk and awaiting orders.

"What is it?"

"Reno, we could use you."

Reno said nothing. He glanced at Tseng and saw mixed emotions. Then he saw outright frustration on Meyer's face. He let the silence continue for a few more seconds before speaking.

"What do you mean? I'd only hinder you at this point."

"Everyone is afraid. Reno, tell me, are you afraid?"

Reno eyed him, not quite sure he understood. He had been afraid of things for months, of memories and emotions and the future, but he had never been afraid of battle, well, not for a long time. The last time he remembered really being afraid was when that oversized businessman had pinned him to the floor and shoved the gun against his head. But even then it was no where near the fear he should have felt as a sixteen year old boy. He'd fought to the end and lived and never looked back. No, he was not afraid of this.

He didn't speak, but the silence said it all. "That's why I need you, Reno. The other Turks are terrified, even if the try to cover it up. They need you to show them how to do it, they need to know they have you with them this time."

"They have Tseng."

"Of course. But he can't be everywhere."

"I can't lead. I'm not fit."

"You've made remarkable progress in the last two weeks, Reno."

"Yeah, my meds are straightened out and I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore but I haven't been outside in ages, I've lost muscle and weight. I can't run as fast and long, not now."

"Okay then." Rufus said, relenting much faster than Reno expected.

"Okay then? That's it?"

"No. I won't reactivate you, not now. Sephiroth might bide his time, might wait months even. Maybe by then, you'll be ready."

Reno considered. "Okay, Rufus."

"Good."

"Sir," Meyer began but Rufus waved a hand. He looked at the vials in the orderlies' hands.

"I don't think you'll need those." Rufus said before making his exit. Reno watched him leave. Tseng lingered and soon it was just him and Meyer while Reno continued to sit on the chair.

"Reno, what are you thinking?" Meyer asked him, getting a chair and sitting eye level with him.

"I'm thinking this is something I can do. This is a good thing I can do as a Turk."

"You still have to be guarded walking around the mansion for heaven's sake!"

Reno eyed him. "Thanks, doc. You've helped me so much. But I have to do this."

Meyer sighed. "I knew you would say that." He stood up and Tseng took his seat.

"Rufus asked me first."

"So why did you agree?"

"Because if we don't involve you, you're going to get shoved off to the side, into some room somewhere while we go into battle and that won't do you any good. You'd go crazy wondering what happened to us."

"Yeah, I would."

"So I said yes. Are you okay Reno?"

"I need details. I want to know how this is happening."

"Okay. I'll explain."

He took Reno through the little information they knew while the red head sat and absorbed it like a professional. When he was done he stood.

"I'm sorry Reno, there's a lot to do."

"It's okay, Director." Tseng left. Roger came back in.

"You okay, man?"

Reno just nodded. "Actually I am. But I need to get stronger. Let's get training." He stood and Roger lead them out.

* * *

><p>Several days passed with no further signs, no further leads. Cloud hadn't returned or sent word yet. Tifa had been to see Reno briefly, trying to find out what she could but he really couldn't help her so she had left with Avalanche exploring whatever leads they might find. Rude and Elena had been sent in one direction, Tseng in the other. The mansion was pretty quiet these days, people only stopping in long enough to restock on supplies and maybe catch an hour or two of sleep before jetting off again.<p>

Meyer supported Reno now that he saw the young man was fully committed. Reno stuck to his rigid schedule of training as well as his meetings with the doctor and the psychologist. Roger was always at his side but they all knew it was really unnecessary.

It had been a week since Reno last saw Rude that his partner entered while Reno was jogging on a treadmill. Roger was on one next to him, he usually took part in Reno's training for the company but when Rude walked in he saw Roger struggling to put one foot ahead of the other and Reno, while drenched in sweat and face flushed was continuing at a steady pace.

"How long?" Rude asked.

Reno hadn't heard him enter and his head jerked to the side but he relaxed seeing who it was and answered, "I don't know but..." he took a few more emphatic steps before stopping and letting the treadmill shoot him off. He landed smoothly on the tiled floor and looked up at Rude, "thirty miles."

Rude raised an eyebrow. "You ran a marathon?"

Roger turned off his machine and sat on the edge of it, breathing hard. "No, a marathon is only 26, fuck..."

"Well, I could do a lot more than that a lot faster before all of this..." Reno said, losing his smirk slightly, but Rude interrupted, laying a gloved hand on his shoulder.

"Doesn't matter Reno, this is great. In fact, it's really amazing for only a week."

"Not if you'd been with him this whole week." Roger wheezed. "All he ever wants to do is run."

"Only twice a day." Reno protested.

"But for _hours_ twice a day."

"Stop complaining."

"I shouldn't really– best shape I've ever been in, thanks to you, Reno. Maybe you should become a personal trainer."

"Hmm, not sure I'd be too good on the motivational part." Reno shot back with a wink. Roger lay back completely on the treadmill just breathing.

"Have you been sparring?" Rude said, noting a couple of bruises on Roger's face but none on Reno.

"Everyday." Then he lowered his voice, "but not full out."

Rude smiled. "Up for it now?"

"You don't need to go running off again?" Reno questioned.

"Not yet, Rufus wants to meet with Elena and I but he has other meetings until the end of the day so we have a few hours."

That was good enough for Reno. They were in the training facilities, bare these days as most everyone was putting their training to good use instead, so they moved to the middle of the room, an empty space with rubber flooring to absorb impacts while Roger just sat and watched.

It was an interesting fight, to say the least. Despite his bravado, Reno was winded from his run. But he was still quicker than Rude– in fact, only Tseng might be able to move as fast as him. Rude however, packed much more power in every blow than Reno. That's why Reno loved his EMR so much, didn't matter if he had less muscle mass behind the strike, a stick of metal was still going to hurt.

He and Rude had sparred many times and it didn't take long for him to realized Rude was holding back. He almost stopped, almost called it off, but instead of letting his anger win he remembered all the looks of concern Rude had given him over the last few weeks, how much worry Reno had put him through and so he let it go and hoped that maybe if he could land a few good punches Rude would realize he wasn't so weak.

But the fight was over quickly. Reno did get in a couple hits, Rude as well, but the door opened and Elena ran in announcing the President had cancelled his afternoon meetings and wanted to see them now. She and Reno exchanged a quick hug, not knowing when the two would be back again, and he waved them off.

"So," Roger said, coming up behind him, "you've been holding back on me?"

Reno turned to face him. "Sorry man."

"I've been holding back on you too." Reno smiled and took his stance. Roger did too and he allowed himself to forget about what was happening in the world.

* * *

><p>Dr. Meyer looked up from his desk when the door opened and he saw the red head walking in.<p>

"Reno, we don't meet until– oh." Reno smiled sheepishly half dragging Roger in who was supported on his shoulder. The poor man slumped onto the exam table, blood trickling down the side of his face.

"Jus..a lucky...shot..." Roger mumbled.

"I think I may have given him a concussion." Reno said.

"Doing what?"

"Sparring. I wasn't trying to hurt him or anything." Reno answered defensively. But Meyer seemed a bit uneasy as he rolled Roger over and looked at the cut on his head.

"He'll be fine Reno, I'll patch him up why don't you go back to your apartment."

"Is it okay to be unsupervised?"

"It's fine."

"I should probably wait with Roger, though. I feel kinda bad."

"You'll just be in the way."

"Doc, what's going on?"

"Just leave Reno."

"Doc, what the–"

A third voice cut him off.

"Do we got a patient Dr. Meyer?" The child's voice carried out from the adjoining supply room. Reno hadn't even noticed the sound of bottles being arranged and stacked. But now all he could see was the boy. He was much cleaner, and had filled out and even grown some. But the first thing Reno saw was the sewn-over sleeve where an arm should be. The boy recognized him too and reacted much differently than Reno.

"MISTER!" He cried. "Oh Mister I wanted to see you again." He rushed forward but picked up from Reno's body language that he was not quite so happy to see him. "What's wrong?"

Every muscle in his chest restricted. He remembered those days that he had just collapsed, at the very beginning, and he knew he would have been face first on the tiled floor if it wasn't for the medication. But still so much rushed back on him. He broke his gaze from the child then grabbed the door knob and ran out.

* * *

><p>When Reno opened his eyes and felt the cool breeze on his face and heard the sounds of the city below, he knew where he was without thinking. It took a few minutes before he could trace his way back from the ledge of the building to the clinic. He had stumbled out of there and down the halls, not knowing if he was going to cry of puke or collapse, but none had happened and he'd ended up throwing open the nearest window and jumping out onto the ledge.<p>

Like before, it was where he could be alone, where he didn't have to worry about someone intruding on his thoughts or telling him what to do or how he should feel. Nothing could reach him and so time could essentially stand still. If something happened, he wouldn't have to worry about it until he reentered the rest of the world, just like when he flew.

He sighed long, sucking in the cool evening air, and blowing it back out through his nostrils. Even up here you could still smell the fumes from the city below, and the one below that. They mixed together to create a faintly smoky flavour that would only get stronger as the season got warmer. But it was what he knew. In fact, this was a lot better than what he had known in the slums. He turned his gaze outward though. He saw a chopper in the distance and recognized its search pattern. Grid by grid over the long dusty terrain that extended for miles past Midgar Edge.

He wondered where Cloud was. He wondered where Rude and Elena had been sent this time and where Tseng was searching. Maybe he was in that chopper. But Reno's idle thoughts were interrupted by a stark realization. Something had struck Reno, cold and shocking and he was on his feet, steadying himself on the ledge.

"Holy shit." He said to the dusky sky. "I can't believe I didn't see it before."

Sephiroth. He had divided their ranks. Cloud first. Tifa had explained how he'd felt an acute connection to Sephiroth, leading him in one direction. Avalanche had gone another way. Then the Turks were all over the place and who knew what SOLDIER had been ordered to do. The mansion had been left weak, all but defenceless. The top warriors were all gone, attempting to eliminate the threat that Reno now realized with horror was probably already here. Sephiroth had always been seeking answers along with vengeance, and all those answers would be here, in Shinra. He felt sick to his stomach.

"Ahh..." The chill voice rippled through him, "You've figured it out, haven't you?"

There was no where to run, so Reno didn't try. He looked straight up at the figure on the ledge above him. Long fine strands of porcelain hair draped in a delicate contrast to the dark leather soldier gear that fit snugly over the jenova-infused body. The legendary sword, longer than any other Reno had seen was fastened to his side, his hand resting lightly, casually, on the hilt.

"Sephir–" He was gone in an instant and then Reno felt the vibrations on his own ledge and whipped his head to the side to see him land. In his shock he lost his footing and felt himself teeter outwards.

Faster than he could track one pale hand shot out and wrapped itself in the front of his shirt. Reno hung precariously on the edge, feet still touching it but his upper body at a nearly forty five degree angle outward– if Sephiroth decided to let go, Reno was dead.

"I've been watching you. You've just been sitting there for hours."

Reno didn't know how to respond so he didn't.

"You're the Turk Reno, aren't you?"

Reno found his voice, finally. "Y-yes."

"I remember hearing of you from time to time, your disgraceful conduct..." his eyes narrowed maliciously and Reno waited for the fingers to release, "and your extraordinary skill."

He suddenly pulled Reno back in and practically threw him into the wall. If his hand hadn't remained across his back he would have bounced right back off the ledge and into open air again. But like this, his head was forced to the side to face Sephiroth and with one arm the genetically enhanced ex-soldier had him pinned against the wall.

"Clearly it was overestimated."

Reno growled but Sephiroth continued.

"Or, you're not well. Otherwise why would the second in command of the Turks not be involved in the search for me?"

"Tseng's out searching so I stayed back to run operations here."

Reno was pulled back from the wall and he shut his eyes thinking this was it but Sephiroth slammed him forward again. He felt the impact hard in his jaw and ribs.

"Don't lie to me, boy. I know just how vulnerable this mansion is right now. There are no Turks left, well, unless I count you."

"How long?" Reno wheezed.

"How long have I been here? Not very, just a few days." Reno's eyes widened. For days they could all have been obliterated, never seeing the threat coming. But then, maybe not. If Sephiroth could, why wouldn't he. What was stopping him?

"I can see the questions in your eyes. But you know don't you? I want to know everything about Jenova, about my mother. I want to know what Shinra has left of her. I want to know every experiment they used her in."

The last rays of the sun finally succumbed to the night and as darkness fell all around Sephiroth, his eyes lit up unnaturally, piercing Reno, beautiful but hollow, soulless and as Reno's body began to tremble in the cold of night, from the pressure on his ribs and from this man's hollow gaze, he knew he was wrong to ever think he was not afraid.

* * *

><p><em><strong> Duh duh duh... haha, well here is another chapter. I struggled with the pacing a bit with all of this, I wanted to move things along but at the same time it felt kind of abrupt. Anyway, here it is, hope you enjoyed :)<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	22. Chapter 22

Reno fell to his hands and knees on the roof top where Sephiroth dropped him. The creature had grabbed him and jumped impossibly high, straight up the building and onto the apex of the slanted roof. He remained there, shivering uncontrollably now, the wind had picked up and ripped at his clothes. He was still only in his track pants and a t-shirt. He watched Sephiroth pacing, wondering what interest he had in Reno and why he hadn't just dropped him off the ledge.

"So, you are like the rest of them after all– just as afraid of me."

They weren't far from the chimney and Reno crawled forward so he could sit and lean against it, and cut down some of the wind. Only then did he face Sephiroth. The man had moved silently behind him and now stood, towering over him. Those eyes boring into him.

"Your eyes." Reno said finally, figuring he had nothing left to lose. "It's not your reputation, or what you've done, it's those eyes of yours. There isn't anything in them."

Sephiroth cocked his head considering Reno. The red head's jaw was set determinedly, even though the rest of him was shaking. His own green eyes dull in the darkness and not lit by mako or alien genes, still shone with a certain fierceness. Sephiroth smiled.

"You can't fight me, you are far weaker than myself."

"I know."

"So what? Your eyes shine defiance, what should mine show? Why should anything reflect back from these...what do they say, _"windows to the soul?" _Well, you looked through the windows and nothing was there, so what is your conclusion?"

"I didn't need to look in your eyes to know you're soulless."

"Oh?" He leaned down, sitting opposite Reno and getting close, intentionally trying to intimidate the Turk with his eyes. "And why is that? Because I fought back against the people who did this to me? Who experimented on others?"

"No! Because you killed so many innocents trying to get your vengeance!"

Sephiroth smiled at him so coldly Reno felt his stomach clench. "_You_ are lecturing me on the murdering of innocents?" Reno's breath caught and if possible that wicked smile on Sephiroth's face deepened. "I wonder who's count is higher Reno? Yours or mine? I've killed many, I'll admit. But I believe you win in that regard."

Reno began to shake more violently. The words were devastating. He'd never made the comparison, never pegged himself against the evil of Sephiroth and realized he was worse. He gulped hard and turned his face away from those terrible eyes but a cold, iron strong hand grabbed his chin and forced his head back around.

"You can't hide from it, Reno."

"H-how do you know?" Reno struggled to even speak, vowing not to break in front of this man.

"I've been here for days, Turk. I know exactly what is going on in this mansion and I know that you've been occupying a disproportionate amount of Shinra's time when he and his men are supposed to be searching for me. So when do the drugs run out? When will you be able to feel it all again?"

Reno stared back at him, but by the way he felt he knew it must be soon. He should have had a dose at dinner but he'd run from Meyer before that and been out here ever since.

"Ah, so soon. You see, Shinra is doing to you what they did to me."

Reno managed to question this. "How?"

"They made me unable to feel. At least for you, it can where off. If not, you might have become a monster like me– oh, but I forget what you were capable of doing even before the medication."

"It's not the same. They aren't trying to make me not feel."

"But of course they are, Reno. If they could make a hundred of me, and control them, imagine what power Shinra would wield."

Reno tried to shake his head but Sephiroth wouldn't let go of his jaw, wouldn't back off. He was breaking Reno just by staring at him and talking to him. He felt his pulse drumming in his ears, felt his breaths become more shallow, but swallowed back emotions, tears. Sephiroth just watch him, his icy features glowing in the moonlight, until that light faded too and the last thing to go were the two points of eery green light.

* * *

><p>A gasp of shock escaped pale, trembling lips before Reno's mind ever caught up to where he was. An onslaught of freezing cold water blurred his vision and his numb fingers slipped on smooth surfaces when he tried to right himself.<p>

"Good, you're awake." He heard the voice over the roar of falling water and eventually peered past it to see Sephiroth above him. He took in his surroundings.

_Are we in my bathroom? _ he asked himself, noting the general mess of hair products on the counter, the shampoo bottle on the shelf above him in the shower. He was prostrate in the tub as the cold water beat down on him. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on but his teeth were chattering too much to manage the words.

"You're going to answer my questions now." Sephiroth said to him. So this was some form of torture then? Sure the water was so cold it felt like it was burning and his body felt drain of all energy but this was pretty mild for the man that was supposed to be the evilest on the planet.

"Do you have any materia in this room?"

Reno didn't respond. This was not the question he was expecting.

"I searched the laboratory. Where has Shinra moved the Mako tanks and materia stores?"

Ah yes, they had moved all that to a different sub level location with higher security. But Reno didn't say any of this. And he was still wondering what this was all about.

"Answer me!"

Reno tried to shoot back some comment but he really didn't have the energy. He must have been unconscious for a while under the water to be this weakened.

Sephiroth gave a long, drawn out annoyed sigh and reached in the tub to yank Reno out. He collapsed against the counter when Sephiroth let go, holding on desperately to the edge of the sink to keep from sliding to the floor, his sopping wet clothes only adding to gravity's attempt to pull him down.

But then slender but strong fingers slid into his hair and forced his head up. He stared back at his own reflection, pale, trembling, but his eyes resting on those scars below them. He felt his pulse beating erratically, his breath shallow but he wasn't shaking anymore. He knew that wasn't a good sign. Then Sephiroth's face came level with his own.

"Look at our eyes. Are they really so different? Do you really think we're on different sides here?"

Reno tried not to look, but he couldn't help it. Both shone back green and in the fluorescent lighting of the bathroom it was more difficult to see the difference between them. His own were nearly glassy and next to Sephiroth's, looks lifeless.

"What...do you want...with me..." Reno managed. It really didn't make sense. If they were already in the mansion, why didn't Sephiroth go storming after Rufus? Why didn't he destroy the whole place?

"I don't want my presence known yet. So I want what answers I can get from you."

"But.." Reno's tired mind was fighting to make a connection that was just waiting to be made. Sephiroth stepped back and let go of Reno. He tried to hold onto the sink but his fingers were still too numb and he fell in a wet heap on his bathroom floor. But even as his skull still rang, there it was– he understood.

"You're not strong enough."

"What was that?"

Reno's voice was barely above a whisper but he knew he was right by the look on Sephiroth's face. "You're not strong enough...not 'til, you get the mako..."

Sephiroth frowned. "No matter what you think you've figured out, I still need those answers.

"Won't get them..from me..."

Reno watched him from the ground. His face was stoic, he turned and left through the bathroom door. Reno grabbed hold of the handle to the door under the sink and managed to get up high enough to see what he was doing. He felt a sharp, cold breeze and saw that the window next to his bed was broken. That must be how Sephiroth had gotten them in here unseen. He watched the white haired man bend and pick up a few shards then he returned to the bathroom.

"Tell me what I want to know."

* * *

><p>Dr. Meyer walked through the hallways of the Mansion toward Reno's room. He'd sent a few guards to look for him but they all knew if he wanted to be alone it would be impossible to find him. He'd stitched up Roger's head and put him on bed rest for a couple of days and had just decided maybe he should let the president know Reno was missing when he'd received a phone call. The caller hung up as soon as he answered but he could see from the number it was Reno's apartment phone.<p>

It was late, past midnight. A few security guards nodded to him. He was walking at a brisk pace, but he had accepted Reno was on the way to recovery, that he had every intention of working toward getting better and that even if today's surprise had upset him, he'd be okay.

That was why he was so shocked by the scene that waited for him. First, he saw the shattered window and the glass. It was broken inward, blood on some of the shards. He rapidly scanned the room and saw the light to the bathroom on. He pushed open the door and stopped short.

The shower was running, creating an ominous thunder to the scene before him. Reno's body was flat out on the floor. There was so much blood. His face and hands and arms and feet were all cut, presumably from crawling in the broken window. But the worst, what made Meyer's stomach flip, were the long gashes running lengthwise down his arms.

"Reno!" He fell to his knees next to the young man. How long had it been since the phone call? Three, four minutes? He could still be alive.

He was as white as the tile he was laying on, his flesh freezing cold and his clothes soaked in water and blood. But just faintly a flutter of life thumped back against Meyer's fingers when he pressed them into his neck.

He worked fast. He grabbed towels and cloths and wrapped them tightly around the terrible wounds, screaming for help as loud as he could. There was a flurry of activity, a guard came and immediately call for further assistance. Meyer ran along side the gurney the entire way to the emergency facilities, yelling orders and keeping pressure on the wounds until the doctors there took over.

Rufus Shinra was woken up. The President looked nearly as pale as the body on the ER table.

"I don't understand."

"I..." Meyer was at a loss. Sure seeing the boy from the slums was a shock but surely not enough to warrant this.

"DAMMIT!" Rufus screamed and stormed out of the emergency room.

* * *

><p>The Turks were gone. Spread all over the place and Rufus couldn't call them home for anything, not even this. He spent three days waiting for Reno to wake up and tell him why, after everything why he would slit his wrists in the bathroom. Why, after a day when he ran so far, saw his partner, seemed fine. Meyer had explained about the boy. But even so, it did not make sense. He'd screamed at Meyer, at the psychiatrist, at Roger, but none of that helped, none of that explained why or made it easier to accept.<p>

They hadn't been sure he'd survive, but Reno did. However, he didn't wake up. Not until the third day. When they called him, Rufus ran down to the ER. He was heated by something, anger, confusion, stress– all of it. He ran right up to Reno's bed side and stared down at the groggy Turk, green eyes barely focused. He was a mess. He was still pale, covered in bandages from all the cuts, but the worst and most obvious were the bandages running from his wrists to crook of his elbows.

"Dammit Reno, why?" Were the first words out of Rufus' mouth. He was so furious he couldn't help it. "After all of this, why in the _hell_ did you do it now? I need you, you said you would help. I made a promise too, just for you, you were going to get better."

Reno was still confused, staring up at the President glassy eyed. The doctors were hovering close, wanting to tell the president to back off but not daring to.

"Ru..fus."

"Reno, why?"

The red head stared back at Rufus completely confused, then he looked down at himself and finally saw the huge bandages.

"What..."

"You tried to kill yourself Reno. Nearly succeeded too."

Reno's eyes were wide with shock. "No."

"Yes, Reno. Why?"

"I...no it wasn't me..."

"You were alone, these are self inflicted wounds."

"No."

"Reno, I tried."

"Sir.." Reno was fading but struggling to hold on, eyes desperate. "Please Rufus listen.."

"I did what I could Reno, we all did. But I'm sorry, I have to focus on the current situation. I don't understand why you did it, but I was wrong to ask for your help. I'm sorry."

"No..." but Rufus walked away and everything went black.

* * *

><p>Reno was in and out of it for days, never long enough to explain. Roger stood beside his bed, as lost as everyone else but feeling an extra sense of obligation. The only other one to feel as guilty was Dr. Meyer.<p>

"I was with him every moment of every day." the guard breathed out to Meyer.

"It was me who should have seen it coming."

"No." Roger said. "I mean, I still can't believe it. I mean, I _really_ don't believe it."

"What are you saying?"

"Every time he wakes up its only long enough to say he needs help or calling for Rufus or something about Sephiroth. Something else is going on here."

"I wish there was some greater mystery at work here." Meyer said. "But president Shinra gave us orders. Keep him alive, do what we can, but that's it. He'll be moved back to isolation tomorrow, kept locked down. The president and staff cannot afford a single distraction right now. This is the best we can do for him."

Roger shut his eyes and balled his fist, but there was nothing more he could do.

* * *

><p><em>Reno couldn't scream for the hand over his mouth but he would have if he could. Sephiroth pushed the piece of glass slowly into the sole of his foot, working it back and forth until it was buried deep. That was seventeen. At first Reno wondered why glass, why Sephiroth was cutting him with glass instead of his sword, until he realized it was all a cover up. He wanted to torture Reno for answers, but he had to do so in a way that would leave no sign of his presence. The shattered window would explain all of these wounds. <em>

_The questions he asked all confirmed Reno's suspicions. Sephiroth may have come back to life, but not all the way. He needed more power to carry out his plans. Reno got more information out of Sephiroth than his torturer did from him. When the other finally came to the same conclusion he took the largest shard he had and lay it against Reno's wrist._

"_So you kill me and then go hide?" Reno whispered._

"_Not exactly. I'll be calling on your help again."_

"_Well...s'gonna be a bit hard when I'm dead.."_

"_Oh you won't die, I'll make sure. But Shinra's going to keep you nice and safe for me until I need you again and you'll serve as a great distraction for me."_

"_But...why?"_

"_You can just worry about that later." Reno hissed at the first cut and Sephiroth sealed his mouth again with his hand. But it didn't take long for the sensation of warmth that spread over his cold arms to bring clouded darkness. Reno felt a tear fall down the side of his face before the white bright room was gone._

* * *

><p>Reno sat up sharply in the room, falling back instantly in pain. He cried out and the door cracked open at once.<p>

"Doctor!" he heard Roger call.

"Rog.."

"Reno hold on, you'll be okay." He reached out to grab Roger's sleeve but met resistance. His eyes went wide when he saw the restraints.

"Get 'em off now." he said.

"Reno, stay calm."

"Take them the fuck off. We have to stop Sephiroth."

"The Turks are on it."

Reno's eyes narrowed. "They know he's here?"

Roger stared at him. "Here?"

Panic consumed Reno. "Oh Gaia Roger, Sephiroth is here! He found me on the ledge. He did this to me!"

Roger was struck by surprise but the doctors were already in the room. Someone jabbed Reno with a sedative and Roger hollered in protest but it was too late.

"He's here.." Reno whispered. Roger locked eyes with him until they shut. He left the doctors to tend to the man while he went to find proof.

* * *

><p>Instead of proof, Roger found Rude. He was under strict orders not to tell the Turks but when he came across Reno's partner slouched in a chair at the cafeteria, asleep where he sat, he couldn't help himself.<p>

"Sir."

Rude's head snapped up, awake at once. He saw the look in Roger's eye and stood.

"What happened?"

* * *

><p>No force on earth could have stopped Rude from getting into that room. He shoved the protesting security guard to the ground, Roger yelling something along the lines of "it's okay" and Rude was in the room.<p>

He stopped before the bed and just stared. Roger had only gotten to the word suicide before Rude had run, never getting the chance to explain his suspicions.

"Get out." Rude ordered.

"Sir, I have to tell you–"

"OUT!" Rude barked, spinning and shoving Roger into the hall and slamming the door shut. He stood there, Reno was asleep. He took a moment before turning back to his friend and taking in the damage.

He released one wrist and pulled back the bandages. He had to see.

"No." he breathed seeing how many cuts there were, how long and how deep. "NO!" He kicked the bed. Then the wall. Then he just slid down it and sat there. "No..." and he broke down. He couldn't handle this. Reno wouldn't, he'd convinced himself. He'd sworn to himself. Reno would never. But he had.

When Reno's eyes parted he heard the muffled tears. He rolled his head to the side and spotted Rude. It took his mind a minute to catch up to everything but then he found his hand free and rolled to the side. He started to say Rude's name when he caught sight of the scars on his arm.

He made some sort of sound between a shocked cry and sob that caught Rude's attention. His partner was on his feet at once, tears stopping and at his side. Reno was trembling, eyes fixed on the damage.

"Reno..." he put his arm around his shoulder and prompted him to lie back but Reno bit back whatever pain he was feeling and tried to grab Rude's arm. His fingers, however failed to grasp his clothes. He looked at his hand in shock, hardly able to move his fingers.

"Oh Gaia Rude..."

"You must have cut your tendons when you tried to kill yourself." Rude's voice was calm, almost cold, but his arm was still around Reno's shoulder comforting him. Reno fell back into his support now, trying to move the fingers on his right hand.

"No...this can't be happening..."

Rude pulled him into an embrace. He was so tired, so shocked and in pain that he just let it out. He had to tell Rude everything, but at the moment he couldn't speak. He was nearly passing out again before Rude set him back on the bed and pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Rude you have to help me."

"I will buddy, but you have to promise you'll never do this again."

Shock washed over Reno. "You believe that I did this? Rude it wasn't me!"

Rude stared at him.

"Rude please listen to me. It was Sephiroth. He's here! He's looking for the Mako storage facility. There's something wrong with him. A reason he won't attack! He needs materia or Mako or both before he has enough power. But he's here, I mean in this building."

"Reno..."

"No, Rude!" Again he reached out and failed to grab him. He made a noise of frustrated anguish.

"Reno calm down."

"RUDE! Listen to me. You have to believe me, this is the most important thing I've ever asked of you. Please. Sephiroth found me on the roof. I had just figured it out. He's got you all searching all over the place for him so that protection is weakened here. He's spying on us, he tortured me for information and made it look like I did this to myself. Please Rude, if you don't believe me everyone could die."

Rude nodded. What else could he do? He had to help Reno and he had to believe he was telling the truth. He undid the other straps and made to lift Reno out of the bed but the door opened. Roger was struggling in the grasp of two other guards. Guns were trained on Rude and Rufus Shinra walked out of the midst of it all.

"Put him down Rude."

"Sir–"

"Now."

Reno nodded to him and he stood straight. The moment he let go of Reno he was rushed. He knew better than to fight back.

"I can't afford distractions Rude. You have one chance to walk away and get back to work or I'm locking you up until this whole thing is over.

Rude said nothing but the men holding him started to pull him to the door. But as he was being pulled form the room he saw something.

"STOP!"

"Rude please." Rufus said.

"No Sir, I mean, look, look at his arm."

Rufus held up his hand and, against his better judgement, looked. Rude had uncovered the right wrist. There were several gashes and they were deep. The other arm couldn't possibly be as bad or he never would have survived.

Rufus moved to uncover the other. Reno never moved, just watched. There were just two gashes on this arm.

"He's right handed, sir." Rude said. "Reno is right handed."

Reno's eyes widened and he looked hopefully to Rufus. Rufus was still staring down at the horrible stitches.

"If he's right handed, why would he start cutting with his left?" The president whispered.

"He said it was Sephiroth sir. Said he was outside the mansion and has been. He's dispersed our home forces so he can scope out the mansion. He's looking for Mako. He tortured Reno but did it so that it looked like he cut himself and then tried to kill himself."

Rufus never turned to face Rude. He was still staring down at Reno's hands. Reno watched him, he saw moisture building in the president's eyes and then the president had a hand on his head and leaned down to look at him in the eyes.

"Is it true Reno?"

"Yes, Mr. President."

Rufus snapped up. "Take care of him Rude." He said, nodding for Rude to be released. "You men, with me."

Rufus and everyone else left. Roger was released and flashed them a quick smile before following after.

"Thank you." Reno said in a small voice.

"Of course, partner."

Reno once again fell into Rude's arms.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I was going to cut this chapter off earlier but I really didn't want to end another chapter with Reno in despair! Next chapter has some good old Turk action, stay tuned!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	23. Chapter 23

Reno woke next in the regular infirmary, Rude hovering over him. He handed Reno a glass of water and Reno accepted. It took him a moment before he realized he was actually holding the glass.

"What... but I thought–"

"He missed the tendons." Rude smiled at him. "The doctors checked, you'll recover full function. But your hand and wrists are cut up so bad they will be weak for a while."

Reno's grip was still pretty poor but at least he could wiggle his fingers. He smiled. "What's happening?"

"I haven't heard, its only been three hours. They're searching everywhere."

"Rude, he said...he said he wasn't done with me yet."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. But I can't just lay here. And you should be helping them search. Get me some clothes will you?"

Rude looked sceptical.

"Seriously man, its been days and they've pumped me full of blood and pain pills I can handle it."

If the situation hadn't been so desperate, Reno was sure Rude would have refused but he just sighed and helped Reno out of the bed and left to get him some clothes. Reno looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. He was only in his boxers as it was easier to check his stitches and change his bandages that way.

There were so many cuts over his body he was a patch work of white bandages and beneath them all were stitches. His skin was sore all over. Maybe some wouldn't scar, he thought. There was one on his cheek but it wasn't as deep that should be fine. Another one on his shoulder wasn't so bad. One against his ribs was pretty deep and he vividly remembered Sephiroth slashing deep into his hip, a few times. The worst were his feet though, because the bastard had actually shoved whole pieces in as if he'd jumped down and landed on them. But they too were patched up and the pain medication made it bearable to walk.

Then he turned back to this arms. His palms had had about the same treatment as his feet but then there were his wrists. He pulled the bandages off again. They would have to put something sturdier on anyway if he was going to be moving around much. The cuts were terrible. He couldn't even guess how many stitches there were.

These would not fade. These would be as bad as the scars from Corneo except this time he couldn't make it better. Forever, anyone that saw them would think he was suicidal. He had lain on his own bathroom floor, soaking wet and screaming into his torturer's hand, too weak to even fight back.

Rude walked in and saw him at the mirror. He saw the tear roll down Reno's face as he stared down at his own arms. He wished he could make it go away for his friend, but he couldn't, so he just pulled his partner into his arms. Reno didn't move. He only shed one or two more tears before telling Rude its was fine and he let him go.

"I brought you these."

He handed Reno a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved black t-shirt. It would serve to cover most of his bandages as well as hold them tight to his body in place if he was moving around much.

"Thanks."

He pulled on his pants and sat back on the bed while Rude wrapped his wrists and hands with a stiffer bandage that would keep these most vital stitches in place. Then he helped Reno into his shirt and off the bed.

"I brought your shoes but I don't think your feet with fit." Rude said, looking at the thick bandages. "I have a wheel chair outside..."

"No Rude, I'm fine." Rude didn't argue. "Now, let's hunt that bastard down. Where's Rufus?"

* * *

><p>It didn't take long to track the movements of Rufus and the security team on the radios. On their way toward the lower levels– where massive stores of mako were kept– Rude and Reno stopped only for equipment– guns, holsters, EMRs. Reno couldn't help the twitch of a satisfied smile as he ran smoothly through the halls of Shinra, partner at his side and fully armed. But he kept his cool and focus. They had to find Rufus, they had to do their job as Turks.<p>

"I left Cloud a message." Reno hung up his phone, hoping the blonde would check his own sooner rather than later.

"Tseng should get our message and be back soon." Rude whispered back as they moved through the top level of the mako storage facilities. These were mostly ready-to go injection and lab-test rooms. Reno just nodded. They had gotten much more careful as fewer security guards had been seen on their way here. Something was up.

Reno saw and felt everything in hyper-clarity. His breath was quiet and steady, his vision sharp. Rude moved ahead of him, flattening against a wall before opening a door. The radio in his pocket cracked absently, they hadn't heard a response for several minutes.

"Rude," Reno whispered, "I think something's wrong."

"Yeah, I think you're ri–"

Reno wasn't sure what registered first– the sound, the light, or the sensation of falling, but all at once he was feeling all three– an massive explosion, a green haze of light diffused through mako particles and that weightless feeling before flesh and bones met resistance.

"Reno! RENO!" The voice floated down to him from above. Reno blinked and felt heat but remarkably not much more pain. He looked up and saw Rude, face covered in sweat and specked in blood a story above. Reno realized he must have fallen down to the next level and, looking around himself, indeed saw plenty of debris to support the fact along with the gaping hole above.

"Rude, yeah, I'm fine." He said standing, feeling some bruises but nothing more. "You?"

"Been better." his partner wheezed and he saw one hand was clutched over a dark spot on the torso of his abdomen.

"Rude, you okay?"

"I'll make it, but you need to get out of there."

Reno felt the burn of toxins and mako fumes with every breath and nodded but didn't see an immediate escape. The exits were blocked by flames and rubble.

"I can probably climb up faster than try to get through there. Hold on." he made his way to a fissure in one wall and got a grip. "Soon as I'm up we'll get you help, then find Rufus, okay?"

There was no answer so he looked up. Rude's eyes were fixed on a point behind him and he followed them back. The flames had spread out and had just made their way to two reserve tanks of mako. They would surely explode within minutes if not seconds.

"Run, Rude. Please run. I'll be up as soon as I can."

"No..."

"Rude, we still have a job to do. Find Rufus, _please._"

They met eyes, neither willing to relent. Then there was the click, a hiss, and Reno knew this was it.

The ball of heat at his back didn't disappear, but somehow, did not consume him. Reno had instinctively crouched against the wall before him, face fist, even though he knew it would do no good. But a shadow moved at his back and somehow, miraculously, didn't simply disintegrate in the flames.

Reno felt hot liquid run down his chin and realized it was blood, coming from his ears. He could hear nothing but a ringing and only the wall was keeping him balanced. He needed to turn around. But somehow he already knew what had saved him.

Something soft and light brushed his hand. A black feather. There was no point waiting. He turned around and looked up into that cold face, and those hollow eyes. Thin lips moved but Reno heard nothing. Behind Sephiroth the room was still burning, illuminating the black-as-night wing that curled at Sephiroth's back. Reno took another breath of half-poisonous air and briefly thought he was glad that he was already close to the ground before passing out.

* * *

><p>Reno woke with a heady rush of oxygen somewhere much deeper in the Shinra lab facilities, chill and untouched by the damage above them. He reached a shaking hand up to his face and pulled the clear plastic mask off. For a moment he felt like he was gasping just to breath but quickly he adjusted. His lungs still burned from the mako toxins though, and for the moment he just remained still and concentrated on breathing. He was on an exam table, he could see no one in the room.<p>

When he felt like he could move, he sat, and slowly, tried to stand. He could still hear nothing more than a ringing and when he took his first few steps and felt the world spin he knew his eardrums must be busted pretty bad. He crouched and got on his hands and knees, unable to stay upright: vertigo. This would not help his situation, but at least he was unbound.

He had no idea what Sephiroth wanted from him this time, where he was, or what he was planning, all he knew was that he had to move now. But just as he reached for the handle it turned and the door opened inward. He rolled to the side and got behind the door so that when Sephiroth stepped in, he was momentarily concealed. He only dared wait for a couple feet of space before dodging around the open door into the hallway. But it was no good. He managed to stand and run a couple of paces but a cold hand clamped around him and drug him back into the room.

He stumbled when he was let go and fell to the ground again. But Sephiroth made no further move to hurt him so he just sat where he was, feeling helpless.

Sephiroth began to speak but Reno only stared back at him blankly. The other quickly realized and stopped, crouching before Reno and eyeing him. One strong hand shot out and gabbed his face, turning his head roughly to one side, then the other. When he finished his inspection he let go and faced Reno dead on.

_You can't hear me._ Reno read the words on those pale lips now that they were on the same level. He nodded. _No matter._ Reno flinched back when Sephiroth reached for him again but there was no point. His movements were so fast, his grip like a vice. Reno felt rather small and pathetic as he was picked up and sat back on the exam table, Sephiroth still towering over him though the table itself was pretty high.

"What are you doing?" Reno said, or at least the vibration of his vocal cords told him he did. He imagined his voice was somewhat hampered by the toxins but he saw the question register on Sephiroth's face.

_A test. _He responded, facing Reno and at the same time tearing away the already tattered sleeve of his right arm.

"Of what?"

Sephiroth turned his arm to reveal his veins and slid a needle in just under his elbow, above the scars. The needle was attached to a tube with a vial and Sephiroth began filling a number of them with Reno's blood.

_I just hope the Mako you inhaled won't interfere. _Reno read but still did not get an answer.

"What are you testing?" he insisted. Still no answer.

"Why me?"

Sephiroth withdrew, with now more than ten vials in hand.

Reno shot off the bed and grabbed his arm. "TELL ME!"

Sephiroth looked at him unfazed and pulled his hand off of him. However, he went to the desk in the room and picked up the single file that lay there. He handed it to Reno and left. The first thing Reno did was try the door, but of course he was locked in. The second thing he did was make his way back to the bed and open the folder as soon as the world stopped spinning.

He found himself staring back at his own photograph. There were a lot of medical notes, but he skipped down to the bold words at the bottom: 97% JENOVA CANDIDATE COMPATIBILITY.

"What?" It took him a minute to collect himself long enough to concentrate and go back and read the entire file but it didn't take long to get the gist. Hojo's projects had not been shut down after Sephiroth. In fact, it seemed every member of Shinra had been tested for compatibility whether they knew it or not. And of everyone, every soldier, every Turk, every scientist, doctor, dentist and pencil pusher– Reno had the highest chance of a successful genetic hybridization.

And apparently, Sephiroth had every intention of putting that to the test.

"I have to get out of here." He whispered. And he wished that his first thoughts were for Rude or for Tseng to come save him, but the name that dropped out of his desperate lips was neither of the two.

"Cloud...please hurry."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Out of the frying pan and into the fire! Thanks for the reviews so far, and oops about the left handed thing, oh well ;)<em>**

**_Riza_**


	24. Chapter 24

_You have twenty-two new messages. First message._

Cloud let the messages play out while he leaned against his bike, drinking from his water canister. Midgar loomed before him, he was in the desolate outskirts of Midgar Edge, back from yet another failed attempt to find Sephiroth. He hadn't heard any success from the rest of AVALANCHE either and the skies were still dotted for miles with Shinra helicopters. He listened to the many brief yet concern-filled messages left by Tifa, a couple from Barrett but one caught his full attention.

"Cloud..." Reno's voice was somewhat out of breath and anxious. "Sephiroth is here. He did all this intentionally to weaken security at the mansion, I think he wants the Mako to get stronger, or just answers. Rude and I are the only Turks left in the mansion. Please hurry."

Cloud stared up at the one building that dominated all of Midgar, and felt the rush of anger, of anticipation and fear. He threw his canister on the ground and shut his phone. He just hoped no one would get in his way between there and the Shinra Mansion.

* * *

><p>"Elena!" Elena spun at the female voice. She had just gotten out of the helicopter to search the next designated grid and now she saw Tifa running toward her.<p>

"Tifa, what are you doing here?"

"Same as you, we just finished sweeping this area."

"Elena." they both turned to see Tseng who also stepped out of the helicopter.

"Sir, Tifa says Avanlanche has already swept this area."

He nodded to Tifa but continued on. "I want us to head back."

"What, sir, we still have–"

"Something's wrong, Shinra hasn't responded in over an hour. We need to go back."

She didn't argue further but looked to Tifa. "Coming?"

Tifa didn't wait to see if Tseng would protest. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>Reno had scoured the room for any sort of weapon but there was nothing he could find that would do any damage to Sephiroth. The other had been gone for over an hour. In that time, however, Reno felt the vertigo wearing off some. The ringing had also decreased, though he still couldn't hear but he hoped that was a good sign it was going to come back and maybe his ear drums hadn't been as damaged as he thought. He was startled when the door opened, mostly because without a sense of hearing there was no warning.<p>

He stood waiting for whatever Sephiroth had in store for him. He made no threatening gestures, just faced Reno and spoke.

_Are you ready?_

"You going to make me like you? Why? Why bother? I thought you just wanted to blow everything up anyway!"

_We must continue the legacy._

"Legacy? You're insane! Like I'll stick with you anyway."

_You won't have a choice._

"I'll get stronger right? Then I'll fight you!"

_No, you won't._

"Why the hell not?"

_Because, you won't want to._

Reno swallowed hard. "No..." Could an infusion of Jenova cells really change how he thought? How he felt about his friends and family? Sephiorth grabbed his shoulder. He struggled, he tried, but there was no winning against this enemy, not as he was. If this really was going to happen, he had to at least hope that he would remain himself long enough to kill Sephiroth with the powers he gave him.

Evidently, Sephiroth had the same thought. Reno was still very disoriented without being able to hear and was a bit lost as this was not a place any Turk had any reason to go- so as he was shoved along the pristine, white hallways, he failed to noticed Sephiroth produce the cuffs until they were firmly around his wrists behind his back. He shot curses and insults but Sephiroth just shoved him into the next room.

Reno gasped.

It was like a flashback to the infamous scene where Zack and Cloud had nearly died and Sephiroth had cut the head off his beloved Jenova so long ago in Nibleheim. Cold grates pressed into Reno's bandaged feet as he gazed around the vast facility he didn't even know existed deep in the bowels of Shinra. Everything was lit an eery blue-green. And at the centre of it all, now just a head, Jenova floated in a tank, surrounded by clear bubbles and refracted light.

Reno glanced back at Sephiroth and saw the word "move" on his lips but he just shook his head, refusing. If this was going to happen to him, he wasn't going to make it easy. He was shoved and fell painfully on the grated walkway to his knees. He still didn't obey so Sephiroth fisted a hand in his tangled hair and drug him over the grates to the tanks. He dropped him in a heap at the base and Reno tried not to show the hot tears of pain. He sat up and leaned back against the tank.

"I thought you would rather do this like a man, Turk." Reno jumped at the cold voice, just barely audible, but he'd definitely heard it. Sephiroth didn't seem to notice so he decided not to reveal that he could hear just in case it might give him some advantage. But his thoughts were quickly wiped out of his head when his eyes trailed to the bodies on the grating nearby.

"Rufus!"

He saw the pile of black suits and white lab coats, but half propped on a railing, Rufus Shinra leaned, watching them. Pale faced, blood pouring between fingers clenched over a wound in his side. The President and his men must have tracked Sephiroth right down to this room. Reno tried to get up but Sephiroth shoved him back down.

"I thought he might like to watch." Sephiroth said, facing Reno. Reno continued to read his lips but narrowed his eyes in anger.

"You bastard."

Sephiroth turned back to the president and Reno could just barely hear what he said.

"And if this trial is successful, you'll be next, _president_ Shinra. You were the second highest ranking candidate."

"But...I how do you know this... I didn't order any of this..."

"You're father did, before I was ever born into this form. Who knows, he probably would have turned you himself."

"No he would never..."

Reno tuned out of the conversation between them. It was too hard to hear anyway, but he knew what Rufus was doing. He was buying time. Help must be on the way, or maybe he thought Reno could pull something off. In any case, Reno couldn't waste this opportunity.

In his position, Reno had little play, but he knew one thing he could do to escape. Inwardly, he sighed in utter frustration, not revelling reliving the experience, but knowing that the tried and true method of breaking his thumb was really his only option. The left was still in a brace and too bulky to slip through he cuff, so it would have to be his right this time. Joy.

Reno ground his molars together to keep from making any noise that would draw Sephiroth's attention back to him, and began to apply the pressure.

He screamed every curse word he could think of in his head, but made no sound aloud. He felt the metal slide free of his right wrist and acted.

Their fight was brief, but at least Reno could go down fighting. Sephiroth said as much when he caught Reno's fist mid air before it collided with his head.

"Oh. So you've decided to be a true warrior after all, and fight to the end?"

Reno said nothing, but twisted his fist free and ran. He didn't have far to go. Rufus had been ready.

Reno caught the gun out of the air– Sephiroth had clearly not been concerned enough to check Rufus or the bodies for weapons. Reno was shooting before he even turned entirely around. His shots were true. His fingers were still a bit weak from Sephiroth's forced suicide attempt on him but he just kept squeezing the trigger until Sephiroth caught hold of the gun and ripped it from him.

The bullets hadn't even phased him, though blood trickled out several holes in his chest. Reno wasn't thinking about that however, when he was backhanded and fell into the railing next to him, smoking his face off the bar before continuing onto the grates. He pushed himself up, blood falling into his eye from a cut on his forehead. But Sephiroth gave him no room to run and grabbed the cuff still attached to his right hand.

Reno winced at the sharp tug to the delicate joint but more than anything the pressure on the deep cuts on his arms.

"We wouldn't want to reopen these, now would we?" Sephiroth hissed when he had Reno back in front of the tanks. For some reason Sephiroth thought it necessary to yank the bandages away from the arm he'd bared earlier. For a moment they both stared down at his handiwork.

"They are quite beautiful." Reno clenched his fist in anger.

"You bastard!" He swung his fist but it was useless and next thing his feet weren't even touching the ground and both his hands were occupied with trying to stop Sephiroth from strangling him as he hung helpless in the air. He kicked against him with his bare feet, but it was useless.

Sephiroth raised a needle but Reno noted it was empty. "We need a fresh sample."

Reno felt the twitch in Sephiorth's arm and knew what was coming. He tensed, even though he knew it would make things worse, just before he was slammed back into the tank.

Glass shattered all around Reno. Chemical scented fluids drenched his clothes, seeped into cuts from the glass, burned and choked. But they were nothing, just preserves, that was not the fluid the monster before him needed. Sephiroth let go of his vice grip around Reno's neck. He fell on his knees on the grates and broken glass and couldn't turn to watch Sephiroth extract what he wanted. Reno just knelt there, too stunned and injured to move, defeated.

"Reno, run."

He heard the words from Rufus but couldn't respond. More blood was running down the back of his neck now. Reno was once again staring down at the cuts that networked across his palms and up his arms. The countless stitches, the pain, the marks he would bear forever if he survived the injection, but which would no longer enrage him, inspire hatred for Sephiroth.

"Reno!"

He raised his head and met Rufus' eyes. They were begging him, pleading for him not to give up. And he knew he couldn't, he knew he could never yield to this monster, to this fate, but his muscles did not seem to have the same determination and he couldn't find the strength.

"Too late." Sephiroth was behind him, hand in his hair, forcing his neck to one side and Reno felt the tip of the needle pierce his skin.

It was in this position, kneeling in his own blood, head bent to the side, that he saw the doors to the facility fly open, saw that massive sword enter first, held firmly by the blonde headed fury that was Cloud Strife. His hair was windswept, his clothes dirty his face smeared with grit. It was clear he had driven straight to the doors of Shinra if not through them, then clawed his way through flame and debris to find them.

"Sephiorth."

"Cloud." Reno felt the syringe move deeper but a shot rang out and it ceased in its progress. Rufus, hand shaking, had still managed to get the shot off without killing Reno. And that was enough time for Cloud to be on them.

Reno fell free as Sephiroth moved to counter Cloud. He pulled the needle out at once and crawled his way over to Rufus.

"Sir..."

Between the two of them, it was hard to tell which was really the most injured, but Rufus's one injury seemed to have him grounded. Reno reached a hand out to pull open his boss's blazer and see just how bad it was.

"Don't." Reno didn't hear him until he practically yelled the word. Among all the other injuries, Rufus did manage to note two dried streaks of blood, one from each ear.

"Can you hear me?"

"Barely." Reno responded but more concerned with what lay beneath the blazer. Rufus still wouldn't move his hand. "How bad is it?"

"Reno get yourself out of here. Get backup."

"No, you need help now."

"Reno..." Reno finally got a glimpse of the wound and followed it from Rufus's stomach to his back.

"Oh, sir..." Sephiroth must have impaled him. The wound was terrible. Reno began gathering clothes off the bodies around them and ripping them into workable strips to bind the wound. Had he been better able to hear the battle between Cloud and Sephiroth, he probably would have lost focus but like this he could really only pay attention to the task at hand. Not until he was finished and Rufus was nearly fainting from the pain of the process did Reno risk taking in the furious clash of swords.

"I have to get you out of here." Reno said, watching the massive destruction all around them. They would become collateral damage very quickly.

"I can't."

"Sure you can."

"No, Reno, I really can't." Even mostly deaf, Reno caught the edge to Rufus' voice.

"What is it?"

"I can't feel my legs."

* * *

><p>"Oh my..." Elena, Tseng and Tifa stood at the chasm that used to be a hallway. Below was a room still on fire. The air still stung with mako poison but most seemed to have burned off by now.<p>

"What is this place?" Tifa asked, staring down at the once pure white walls that were in stark contrast to the rest of the decor of the mansion.

"Labs. They run deep." Tseng answered.

"Just two more levels, sir." Elena said, though the way she said it sounded like she knew she was going to be corrected.

"No, much deeper, Elena. Top level security clearance, not even Reno knows about them. It's the research facilities where they keep Jenova." Tifa and Elena both shot him a look but before they could question it a noise caught their attention. It was groan of pain, and they immediately began scanning the destroyed hallway in which they stood.

"Over here!" Elena cried when she spotted the body. "Rude!"

He was covered in grey dust from head to toe, just like everything here, which was why they hadn't seen him at first, but when they rolled him over glistening crimson stood out in stark contrast.

"Oh Rude..." It was hard to pin point the wound and they realized he was simply covered in cuts all down one side of his face and neck and the arm on the same side was rather singed.

"Reno..." He coughed out but managed to sit when Tseng pulled him up.

"Steady, Rude." Tseng cautioned when the bald man looked between them frantically. "Was Reno with you?"

"Yes, well–" he yanked free of Tseng's support and crawled to the edge of the hole.

"Rude be careful."

"RENO!"

"Rude, tell me what happened." Tseng put a hand on Rude's shoulder and pulled him back. "Rude."

"There was an explosion, he fell through, down there. But he was okay. Then we saw the tanks..." Tseng noted the blast point, it had taken out several walls and made holes to the floor beneath but at the epicentre were still the bottoms of two mako reserve tanks.

"Rude, if Reno was down there when they went off..."

"He was."

Elena gasped, Tifa gripped her arm instinctively but scanned the room below.

"I see no sign though."

"An explosion that hot and at that close a range..."

"There would be nothing left." Rude finished for him.

"No..." Elena said.

Tseng said nothing but Rude stood.

"Elena, take Rude back to the medical–"

"No." Rude cut him off. "I'm finishing this. You need every man you can get."

"Rude, in your condition..."

"Don't Tseng." Rude said it so quietly, the girls barely heard him, but to Tseng the words rang through his head. Rude had no glasses to shade what he was feeling. The words were not spoken to a boss, to a Turk, but from one man to another who knew they very well might all die this day, that he'd just lost his best friend in this world, and that nothing would stop him from seeing this through. Tseng nodded.

"Let's go."

Wordlessly, Elena moved to support Rude as they walked and they continued on in silence.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Big battle ahead in the next chapter!<strong>_

_**Riza**_


	25. Chapter 25

Rufus let out a long scream when Reno tried to hoist him up. They fell back together in a heap, Rufus fighting back tears of agony, Reno trying not to collapse from his own injuries.

"It's no good Reno..." Rufus panted eventually. "I can't be moved. You should just get out."

"No.." Reno was panting too and just leaned against the railing trying to catch his breath. "We just stay here then, and try no to get cut in half."

Reno reached out and picked up one the security guard's guns.

"Think it will do any good?" Rufus asked.

"It makes me feel better." Reno shrugged. He stared back at Jenova's head, still suspended by the many tubes attached to it. Then his eyes trailed down to the mess of glass and blood but among the shards something else.

"Don't." Rufus had followed his gaze. He was staring at the syringe, still intact. Cloud was not winning this battle. The blonde was already wounded and Sephiroth seemed unharmed.

"What if it's the only way to stop him?" Reno said, starting to move.

"No, you'll just create another monster. Don't do this Reno."

Reno pulled himself up using the railing and staggered over to the needle.

"He'll win." Rufus continued to protest.

"He thinks I'd lose my mind like him."

"You probably would."

"Well, I kind of lost it already so maybe I'd be okay."

"Not funny, Reno." Rufus watched him bend and pick it up. "Don't."

"You could shoot me if I went crazy."

"It didn't seem to have much affect on him."

"I'm sure I could hold on just long enough. I mean, he wasn't always crazy was he?"

"Reno stop."

The red head gripped the whole needle with his fist, still not terribly dextrous at the moment.

"He said it might get rid of these." he almost whispered, staring down at the terrible scars and stitches.

"Reno..."

Cloud gave a holler of pain and an arc of blood flew off the end of Sephiroth's sword.

"Why?" Reno asked suddenly. "Why did you continue this Rufus?"

"I didn't know about the search for more candidates, Reno. I only wanted to see what we might gain from Jenova's cells."

"Nothing. Nothing but evil and despair."

"Then don't inject yourself with it."

"I can't watch anyone else die, not when I could have done something." Cloud cried out again. Reno watched him fall to his knees. Sephiroth was bleeding now too but not as heavily. He wasn't sure Cloud could even stand again.

Sephiroth stood over him menacingly. He was speaking but Reno couldn't hear him. But then he whipped around and Reno saw what he heard– the double doors practically fell off their hinges this time when the four burst through. Reno's eyes widened. Rude was in terrible shape but somehow still standing. Elena and Tseng had their guns already trained on Sephiroth and didn't hesitate before opening fire. Tifa held up her fists but couldn't help look to Cloud with fear and concern.

Cloud managed to stand, finding some new strength at their arrival. Reno saw an evil smile spread over Sephioroth's face. He knew he was going to kill them all.

Reno raised the syringe.

"DON'T!"

He exposed his arm but when he pressed it in the vein just above the scars he froze. Those were Sephiroth's marks on him. He had let him win. Reno had managed to make Don Corneo's marks into his own, something with meaning. But Sephiroths had won over him. If he did this, he would no longer be human. He would be what Sephiroth wanted and the monster would triumph.

Reno dropped the syringe and let it break against the grate, the liquid slipping into the abyss that loomed beneath them. He met Rufus' stunned gaze.

"You're right, sir. But I'm still going to stop him." He pulled the gun from the back of his pants and then reached to the slimy head hanging in the tank above him. He mercilessly yanked Jenova from the tubes that held her.

"What are you–"

"Thanks for bringing me back from the slums that day, Rufus," Reno said quietly, not making eye contact as he scooped up the largest piece of glass he could fine and slid it under his his remaining bandage.

Then he held up the calamity by its hair and put the gun against it's temple and began marching with purpose toward the battle.

"SEPHIROTH!"

To say the room went silent was not so dramatic for Reno who really couldn't hear much anyway. But the hatred that boiled out of those two points of green light definitely had an effect on him.

There was nothing logical about the situation other than Reno's reasoning of how Sephiroth would react. Jenova was a head, long dead, putting a bullet in her now would do nothing but maim her. But that was really all it would take to set Sephiorth off. His obsession was powerful.

There were no words. Sephiroth simply began running toward him. Reno emptied his clip into the oncoming force. But somehow he just kept moving. At the last minute he looked at the abyss below the grates and threw Jenova.

He had hoped Sephiroth would dive after it. But he had counted on him not.

Reno raised his hand and waited.

Sephiroth's sword slid through him. He had taken a step at the last second so as not to be run through like Rufus but the long edge ripped deep against his ribs. But he felt nothing but the shard of glass he gripped in his hand and brought down with all his force into Sephiroth's neck.

"I _am_ better than you." Reno hissed out. Sephiroth spasmed, clutching his throat where blood poured freely. But through the torrent that spurted up into his mouth and out his lips, Sephiroth smiled.

"You think so?"And he ripped the shard free of his throat.

"No..." Sephiorth drug his sword back, grating the steel against Reno's ribs and the human fell backwards.

"You could have been so much more." Sephiroth hollered.

"No!" Reno screamed out again in utter frustration. He couldn't move his arm on his left side because he had to keep it tight against the terrible gash but neither could he stand, so he drug himself backward with one arm as Sephiorth made his slow advance.

"Stop!" Sephiorth turned with an annoyed expression to see Tifa leaping through the air at him. But even wounded as he was he sent her flying back with one swipe. She flew over the abyss and Reno just glimpsed Cloud drop his sword to catch her.

Sephiroth raised his sword again. Reno was still in range.

"Reno!" The shots rang out. The three Turks stood shoulder to shoulder firing upon Sephiroth. This time the bullets did seem to hurt him.

"I thought I already killed you a long time ago." Sephiroth smiled at Tseng.

"NO!" Elena stepped forward, recklessly, seeing the images of Tseng's body when she found him one year ago. Rude grabbed her back just in time from the swipe of the sword and Tseng dodged beneath and ran forward still firing. But not even the director the Turks was fast enough. Sephiroth's sword went right through his shoulder. He stagger back and the other two Turks moved to catch him.

"Just die!" Reno screamed at Sephiroth from the ground and the other slowly turned back to him.

"No, Reno, it is you who will die. Insignificant. Pathetic."

The sword was against his chest. With every laboured breath it bit deeper into him. Sephiroth wanted it to be slow. Reno grit his teeth but his sharp eyes caught a flash behind Sephiroth and he knew Cloud was making his move.

And it all played out in Reno's mind. The one scenario in which everyone lived. He knew Sephiroth would hear Cloud leap, feel the rush of wind of his descent, the blade slicing through air. He knew Sephiroth would impale him, or at least counter him. But he felt the weight of the cuffs the demon above him had place on him earlier, cuffs he'd broken his thumb to escape. He raised his right hand and gripped Sephiroth's blade and looked him in the eyes.

"Just get it over with." he said defiantly, masking the slight of hand at work.

Then Sephiroth turned. His sword swooped upwards but as it did, the empty cuff Reno slid around it's tip worked its way down the blade, and Reno used all of his body weight to leverage against the weapon.

It was just enough. He screamed through the pain of the terrible force on his wrist, cutting skin and breaking bone, but he also screamed in triumph, feeling the blade slowed just enough before it cut through the cuffs. And Cloud had his opening.

Reno had been drug forward by the force of Sephiroth's swing and collapsed face first on the grate. He didn't actually see the moment when Sephiroth's chest was so perfectly exposed, see the look of calm that passed over Cloud the second he knew that this was it- this was the moment they finally won.

He didn't see the shock on Sephiroth's face when his sword failed to swing. When his flesh was pierced. But he did see the bloodied end of Cloud's sword cut deep into the grate before him as it impaled their enemy, and most of all, he heard it. The resounding clink that sounded as loud as the explosion next to Reno's ears. That sound of metal on metal that rippled through the room declaring the end to a battle that had started so long ago.

And all that was left was silence.

Cloud ripped his sword free. Sephiroth sputtered, but there were no words, and then he fell in a cold heap right before Reno. But his body didn't spasm and let go like Reno's first kill, and every kill since. It wasn't human, so it died inhumanly. Cloud stood in a trance, hands and face and actually most of his body covered in blood. He panted, holding the sword that had ended it all as if it was a lifeline. Everyone in the room still seemed too afraid to move.

"Cloud." Reno finally broke the silence. He was still laying on his stomach but he was propped on one arm, though it shot chills through him to put any weight on it, he was sure the cuff had broken his wrist and it had definitely torn some of his stitches. "You came. You did it."

Finally Cloud returned from wherever he had drifted and looked at Reno.

"Yeah." He dropped his sword and collapsed to his knees. "Thank you, Reno."

And now there was so much noise. Tifa was running toward them, her sneakers thundering on the grate against which Reno was rapidly slumping again. Rude was yelling orders, Elena was in crisis mode trying to patch Tseng back up. Someone spotted Rufus finally and Reno felt feet rushing past him. But a warm hand was on his back and he heard Tifa making promises that he'd be okay intermingled with orders to Cloud to stay conscious. But now it didn't really matter, he was free to drift, and so he did. He let it all go, all the pain, and slipped away into the gentle embrace of nothingness.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Well I think I will be able to wrap things up in one more chapter! I'll try not to take too long with it. Sad to see this one coming to an end but I might have one more Reno-centred fic on the way, I'll just have to see how it goes.<strong>_

_**thanks for the reviews, **_

_**Riza.**_


	26. Chapter 26

_White hair. Flames. Jenova's head. Those terrible green eyes._

Reno fought in the tangle of sheets to escape the nightmare.

"Reno, calm down!"

He was upright now, someone had their hands on him, steadying him, willing him to be calm. The pain and his exhaustion was hitting him so he sagged against whoever it was.

"Reno, shh, you're safe."

"Dr. Meyer?" He didn't move to look but recognized the soothing voice.

"Yes.

"Oh good." Reno realized he was clutching onto Meyer's arms like a child but for some reason he didn't feel like letting go just yet.

"You can hear alright?" Meyer asked.

Reno nodded. His eyes were closed again.

"Is he really dead?"

"Sephiroth is gone."

Reno let out a relieved breath. "And everyone else? Are they okay?"

"Everyone survived and is recovering."

"Rufus...his legs..."

"We'll see."

"Okay."

Meyer held onto Reno for a while longer, waiting until he was sure the young man was asleep again before lowering him back onto the bed.

* * *

><p>Reno next woke much more calmly and to the ever placid and steady face– though a little cut up and worse for wear– of Rude.<p>

"Rude." the man looked up from his paper and smiled.

"Finally awake."

"Finally? How long has it been?"

"Only a few hours since Dr. Meyer saw you awake but before that you were out for a couple days. Though you weren't the only one."

"Cloud?"

"He took a pretty bad beating but he'll be fine."

"Good." Reno hadn't taken in his room earlier but now he saw where he was. "They put me back in here?" It was his second room, with his own bathroom and the phone and table and chairs.

"Only because the infirmary was pretty crowded and Dr. Meyer was on your case so he treated you here after you were moved from surgery. When you're better you can go back to your apartment."

"With Roger?"

Rude shrugged. "We'll see."

Reno nodded and tried to sit up.

"Not so fast partner." Rude raised the head of his bed for him and Reno sighed. "You moved around too much earlier, it's going to take some time for that cut on your side to heal."

Reno just nodded, he was already sweating from his failed attempt to sit.

"So," he said finally, like had done too many times before, "damage report?"

"Where should I start?" Rude teased, and looking himself over, Reno understood why. He had already noticed the IV and heart monitors that stuck to his chest and torso. He knew he must be on some pretty good pain meds when he started counting bandages.

"Well, let's see," Reno wiggled his toes, feet were still bandaged. He still felt the countless cuts Shephiroth had inflicted on him before. But now on top of that was the deep gash on his side, cuts on his knees from the broken glass. His wrists had been rebound and restitched in some places.

"Broken?" he asked raising his right wrist that had been cuffed but was not in a cast- they probably couldn't while he still had all the stitches- but was heavily bound.

"Four bones out of eight broken." Rude answered.

"Awesome."

"And your other thumb."

"Yeah, I really hope that I never need to use that method of escape again."

He patted the rest of himself over very carefully, as much as he could- he still couldn't raise his left very well.

"My head?"

"Concussion, pretty bad, Rufus told us that Sephiroth slammed you into the tank."

"Yeah, I thought it would cut me to pieces."

"You're just lucky, I guess." Rude couldn't help smile and Reno bit back his own, trying to be annoyed.

"Wait, Rude," he said suddenly serious, "what about my face."

"As ugly as ever."

"HEY! I'm sexy as Hell."

"Sure."

"You're just jealous."

Rude snorted.

"But seriously?"

"Black eye and some cuts, you're fine."

"Good. And you?"

Reno couldn't see the bandages up Rude's arm underneath his suit but he could tell from the way he held himself he wasn't a hundred percent.

"A few burns, nothing to worry about."

"I was worried though," Reno said quietly, "After the explosion I didn't know if–"

"Yeah, when I woke up I thought..."

"Yeah."

Reno raised his left hand as far as it would go. Rude took it. "Glad we made it buddy." Reno whispered.

"Thanks for saving us." Rude answered.

"Well, I think it's a start."

"A start?"

"Yeah, at being a Turk again."

"Well, that's one Hell of a start, partner." Reno smiled, but his eyes were drooping again. "You should get some sleep. I'll be back, bringing your tv down for you."

"Nice one..." Reno managed before he went completely under and his hand went limp in Rude's gloved one.

* * *

><p>Reno looked up from his plate of food to the door when he heard it open. He was sitting cross legged on his bed eating lunch and watching tv just one week after the incident. He was several bandages lighter, his feet almost fully healed as they hadn't gotten much use and the wound in his side closing over nicely. When he saw the spikes of blonde hair, he shut of the television and smiled around the food still in his mouth.<p>

"Cloud! Tifa!"

"Reno, you look good." Cloud said shutting the door behind him.

"Me? You look amazing Cloud, I heard you were in pretty rough shape."

"That's Cloud." Tifa said unenthusiastically as if she thought he should still be resting.

"And you? Are you okay Tifa?"

"Yes, Reno, I'm fine."

"Great, that's great."

"Reno," Cloud began, but paused. He seemed struggling to find what he wanted to say then settled on a simple, "thank you."

"Hey, we'd all be dead if it weren't for you, Cloud."

"No," Tifa corrected, "if it weren't for both of you."

They left it at that. They visited for a while, but eventually, it was time for good bye.

"You'll have to come visit me, remember." Reno said, without wanting to imagine what would happen if he returned to their bar.

"We'll tell people what you did." Tifa said quietly.

"It doesn't matter."

"No." Cloud interjected surprisingly forceful. "It does, Reno. There's no undoing the past, but this is Shinra's chance to do things right. This is your chance to do things right as a Turk."

Reno nodded. He was sad to see them go, but he knew at least Tifa would be back to see him, and Cloud probably would too, if only to check up on Shinra's doings.

* * *

><p>"Can I go back to my place now?" Reno asked Meyer a few days later when the doctor entered his room. His injuries had been healing nicely.<p>

"You still need to be under observation."

"So that's a no."

"It depends. If you don't mind having a shadow again, then go ahead."

"Roger?"

Meyer nodded.

"Well, sign me out, doc!" Reno beamed. "And help me find my shoes."

"You won't be needing those." Reno raised an eyebrow but Meyer was unfolding the wheelchair that had been propped in one corner.

"Seriously?" Reno asked.

"It's a fairly long walk to your room Reno, take it slow."

Reno wanted to argue, but he had found himself winded doing the simplest things lately, just standing under the shower too long became exhausting, so he just made an exasperated noise as he slid into the chair. Meyer must have already paged Roger because he came in as if on cue.

Though he would have much rather been walking, Reno couldn't help but smile as he was wheeled toward his room. But he held up his hand and told Roger to stop as they passed one of the other rooms in the hallway- one with a special guard detail.

"Rufus?"

"Yeah, that's the boss's room." Roger answered.

"I...can I see him?" Reno was half turned to Roger but half facing the guards in front of the door. The guards looked to Roger, Roger looked back at them until finally one stepped inside the room and then returned, giving Reno an approving nod.

"Wait here." he stood unexpectedly and walked into the room.

The man on the bed was still pale, but Rufus had always been pretty peaked. Reno fell into the chair next to him and just stared at him, no words coming to him.

"You look..." Rufus was still trying to decide just what Reno looked like, "better than I expected."

"You look worse." Reno answered soberly. He wanted to ask the question, but he didn't have to.

"Less than fifty percent chance." Rufus stately cooly. "If I don't have any sensation return in the next week, then my chances are less than ten percent."

"You're Rufus Shinra."

"And?"

"When have you ever let anyone else dictate whether you can or can't do something?"

Rufus was a bit surprised but the fierceness behind Reno's words, then he smiled.

"I thought that was what you were trying to get me to change."

"Well, in this instance, don't. Stay exactly the way you are."

"Alright Reno, I can do that."

"Okay then." Reno stood.

"Got somewhere pressing to be?"

"Actually, my own bed, under supervision, of course."

"Excellent Reno. Keep progressing like this and you'll be back on the field in no time."

Reno's reaction to this was hard to read, but Rufus was intentionally testing him, and he knew it. Even laying in a hospital bed not knowing if he'd ever walk again, Rufus Shinra was assessing his assets for himself.

"Well, we'll have to talk about that when the doctors give me the all clear."

"I'll include it in my schedule."

"Thanks. See you later, boss."

"Bye, Reno."

Reno left Rufus. He would have stayed longer, but honestly, he was ready to go to sleep. He was dreaming of his bed the whole way there, right up until Roger cracked the door open and his last memories of this room came back to him so fast and so hard they hit him like a brick at ninety miles an hour.

"Reno?"

Roger noted how Reno's hand shot to his chest as if he had in fact felt some sort of impact. He shook himself out of it and stood.

"It's nothing Roger, you can go."

"Observation, remember?"

"Just watch my door, will you." he liked Roger, but at the moment he wasn't aware of how condescending and dismissive he was being. He just needed to be alone to deal with this. Roger muttered something but obliged.

Reno stared at the window that had been shattered all around his night stand. Then he looked to the bathroom door. It loomed up at him like some demon.

"Steady," he whispered to himself, approaching. He reached out and grasped the handle. He wasn't sure why this was so hard. He'd been hurt many times before, this should have no effect. However, if he were forced to return to that room at Corneo's, he might feel different. The cuts on his arms began to sting, he knew it must just be in his head. Finally he just twisted the handle and threw open the door.

The shower where he'd been frozen, helpless.

The mirror, where he'd seen their eyes side-by-side, so similar, both killers, both dead.

The tiled floor where he'd screamed into that pale, cold hand. Where he'd sobbed in agony and despair. Where he'd been found like a suicide attempt, covered and surrounded by his own life source.

"Ah shit." Reno stepped out and slammed the door shut. He fell back against it and slid to the floor. He couldn't look up, every time he looked at the windows he was sure he'd see that white figure coming for him.

"Reno."

Reno heard the voice and cursed into his knees for being caught like this. It wasn't Roger, it was Rude.

"Hey, partner." He said, trying to calm his breathing. He had sat with his head between his knees trying to get a hold of himself for quite some time and must not have even heard the door open.

"Maybe coming back here wasn't such a great idea?"

"Yeah," Reno nodded between gasps of breath, "maybe."

"Come on." Rude didn't wait for Reno to look up at him, he just put a hand on each shoulder and hoisted him up. "You can crash at my place for a while."

"Ah Rude, I don't want to be a-"

"It wasn't a question."

Reno looked up at him but instead of protesting just smiled. "Thanks."

In the hall they met Roger, Reno instantly felt guilty and gripped the other by the shoulder. "Sorry about earlier man."

Roger just raised his hands and passed it off.

"Good news is," Reno continued, indicating Rude, "you can have the night off."

"Make that the next few days." Rude interjected. "I took some time off."

Reno wished he could have told Rude he didn't need him, wished he could just walk back into his old life, but after everything, he had learned that nothing was that easy, and he had learned to take what help others were offering him.

So they went back to Rude's place and Reno sacked out on the couch. Rude offered him the bedroom but he honestly preferred the couch, to fall asleep listening to bad t.v. and wake up to the sun streaming in through the windows. Rude's room was the same set up as his own, as all the Turks, but the furniture was differently arranged, Rude's personality was everywhere, as subtle as it was, and it was different enough that he didn't get that same feeling when he opened the bathroom door or looked to the windows.

On the fourth morning, when Rude was wondering what he should do about going to work or taking more time off, he found Reno already awake, staring out at the city as an orange sun crested the edge of the plates.

"Nightmares again?" Rude asked knowing his partner wouldn't be up this early otherwise.

"Yeah." Reno sighed and turned to face his partner but despite the fatigue in his features, they were relaxed, calm, and there was the smallest hint of a smile in his eyes. "But I'm alright now, Rude. I understand that it's all going to take time, but I'm going to get through it. I'm going to be a Turk again and I'm going to do it right. We all are, Rufus, Tseng, Elena, you and me."

Rude was half stunned but moved over to his partner. "Reno, it's great to hear all this, but where's it coming from?" He caught the shift in Reno's eyes as they darted unconsciously toward his bare arms. In just his t-shirt, there was nothing to hide the awful scars except for those still covered in bandages.

"Reno, everyone knows you didn't do that to yourself."

"But I did, Rude."

"Reno, what-"

"When I dropped that plate, I was killing myself. And I don't mean that it was a suicide mission, I mean that I knew- somewhere down deep I had to know- that there was no coming back from that. I have to live with the guilt of what I did just like someone who _did_ try to commit suicide does. And in the same way, I have to learn to accept that this is my life, and I can't throw it away. So this is me, Rude, grabbing life so tight it hurts because I _do_ have it, I _did_ survive, and I have a chance to do something good with it. And that's a promise: to you Rude, to the Turks, but most of all to those people I buried under the Seventh. I'll put my trust in the doctors, I'll do everything they ask, and even if it's still painful to wake up and be me everyday, I'll carry on, I'll still hold Rufus to his promise to change. I no matter what pills I have to take, therapy I go through, I won't ever forget those people. I'll live for them."

His declaration ended, he let out a breath, but he remained steady before his partner. Rude let the words sink in, let their implication take hold. Face ever serious, his hands came up to grip Reno's shoulders. There wasn't anything he could say that his partner couldn't already read in that strong gaze. And so Reno just found himself pressed tight to his muscled chest and felt the relieved breath wash over him and he knew that no matter what he might face in the days, months, years to come, he could get through it because he would never again have to face anything alone.

-END-

* * *

><p><strong><em>Wow this conclusion was a long time coming. I apologize for that! As often happens to me, I have trouble getting a satisfactory ending, but this said it all for me. <em>**

**_Sincere thanks for all of you for sticking with me throuhg this. _**

**_Riza._**


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